Page 15 of Letting Go
“It feels like you’ve barely been home this break,” Mama says as she wraps an arm around me. I snuggle under her arm and gently push the swing with my foot. I take a deep breath and inhale the signature vanilla scent of Mama’s favorite perfume.
“I know, it went fast. I feel like it’s hard to even believe I’m already in my sophomore year at Georgetown,” I reply.
“You’re telling me, honey. I feel like you should still be hustling home to meet your curfew after the football game on a Friday night,” Mama says with a smile. “Next time you come home, maybe Trent can come back with you.”
“That would be ideal, it’s just hard with his med school course load. He’s so focused on being the best, but it takes up a lot of his time.”
“Mmm. Is he also focused on being the best for you?” Mama asks.
“I think he’s pretty great,” I answer her. “It would be nice to see him more often, but I understand this is just a season of life right now.”
“Life is just a collection of seasons, baby. And I am curious if pretty great is the same as the very best. That’s all. You deserve the very best, my sweet girl,” Mama says. “I know he cares about you, that is evident, but if he is your forever, I want you to be his first priority in any season.”
“I don’t know about forever, I mean, we’ve talked about it. I can see us getting married,” I reply. Mama nods her head as I go on. “How did you know Daddy was your forever?” I ask. “I knew Chase was not my forever, but I don’t feel that hesitation with Trent.”
“It’s not about lacking hesitation, baby. Does he have your back? Do you trust him? Does he make you happy? Those aren’t small things—they are everything.” Mama gets a soft smile on her face, and I know she’s thinking about how Daddy is all of those things for her.
“For the most part … I think so,” I answer honestly.
“Well, then it’s probably a good thing you aren’t getting married tomorrow, baby. It should be a resounding yes to all of those things. He should make you feel like you are his sun and without you, his life is diminished and lacking the joy and light you bring into it.” Mama kisses the top of my head. “You deserve the absolute best, Vivian Grace Callahan because you, my dear, are already the very best.”
I don’t know if I was ever Trent’s sun, even if I convinced myself our relationship was enough. But I do know Eloise is the sun in my life now and everything revolves around her. Moving back to my hometown was the right decision. Eloise has even started smiling again, although not as often as before everything happened. As a single mother, every decision I make in this season must be in her best interest. Her therapist in Chicago encouraged me to focus on a routine for Eloise and keep things as predictable as possible. The move was a massive interruption in her routine, but I believe it was for the best.
Unfortunately, I don’t see corporate law being an important aspect of this season, even remotely from Tennessee. I open my email and write a professional, grateful email to the partners of the firm. I thank them for the last seven years and respectfully let them know I will not be returning from my leave of absence. It’s not an easy email to write but the significant weight I feel leave my shoulders after I press send reaffirms it was the right decision. I pick up my drink as I look out the window and take a deep breath while I soak up this rare moment when I feel like I actually know what I’m doing.
My peaceful moment is far too fleeting.
“Well as I live and breathe, Miss Vivian, is that you, sweet girl?” Like nails on a chalkboard, the high-pitched voice is distinct and belongs to the one and only Marcie Claire Riley. Marcie Claire’sson Chase was my high school boyfriend, and while she always liked me, I’ve never felt fully comfortable around her. She always seems to have an agenda. I plaster on a well-practiced but fake smile before turning in my seat to greet the unwelcome intrusion.
“Yes, ma’am, one and the same. How are you, Mrs. Riley?” My mama taught me manners so even if I really don’t want to visit with anyone, let alone Marcie Claire, social etiquette requires I quite literally grin and bear it.
Without asking, she sits down at the other side of my table. “Oh, honey you know it’s Marcie Claire. How are you doing, darling? My deepest sympathies for everything that happened, but so glad y’all are back home, even under such sad circumstances. Your daddy must be happy to have you back and safe under his roof.”
Marcie Claire is one of the biggest gossips in the entire county and I know anything I divulge will quickly be broadcast to anyone who cares and many who do not. “Thank you, ma’am. It’s nice to be closer to family. I’m actually staying at my sister’s until I figure out what is next for us.”
“Oh, that’s right, she and Shane just remodeled their pool house. I heard they spent quite the pretty penny on that addition. How perfect for you! Where is your little girl? She is just precious, looks just like her mama if you ask me and is definitely going to be a heartbreaker! Bless her little heart. I’m sure she will love Forrest Hills Academy. I assume you will send little Ellie there, right? Only the best for our angel girl!” Marcie Claire weaves her compliments like an expert all while she digs for information.
Internally I’m rolling my eyes at her, but I keep my smile in place. “Yes, ma’am, that’s the plan. We missed the fall enrollment cut off, but Shane is on the board so hopefully we will find a way to make it work. It would be nice for Eloise to be at the same school as her cousins.”
“Oh honey, you know those enrollment dates don’t apply when you know the right people. In fact, I know the head of admissions over there, his wife Colleen is in the garden club with me. I would be happy to call her and make sure there are no issues for Ellie.”
I know I should correct her that my daughter’s name is not Ellie but I can’t be rude, especially if it helps Eloise get into the best—and only—school in town. Marcie Claire has always lived in an alternative reality but I don’t like owing people favors and my fake smile gets a little tighter. “That’s so kind of you, Marcie Claire. I really think Shane will be able to help get Eloise in. We’ll know in the next week or two.” I can tell by the slight narrowing of her eyes that she wanted me to accept her help, but it’s barely noticeable to the untrained eye. However, I’m not a novice when it comes to Marcie Claire Riley’s ways.
“Of course, dear, of course. I’ll still call Colleen and make sure she helps too. You poor dear, I just can’t imagine all that’s on your shoulders. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you both settle in.” She reaches out and pats my hand. Up until that moment, I never thought a touch could feel so condescending. The light bell over the front door chimes and none other than Chase Riley himself walks in.
We grew up together and dated our junior and senior years of high school. He was the star athlete who made all the girls swoon with his charming smile and killer dimples. Despite what one might assume, Chase’s beauty went beyond what you could see on the surface; he has a good heart and a kind soul. The feelings between us were genuine, and we experienced many firsts together. We both agreed to end our relationship the summer after we graduated so we could fully embrace the college experience. Our breakup was amicable, and we’ve always been friendly and cordial when running into each other over the years. I no longer have any romantic feelings for him, but I care about Chase as a friend andwish him the best. We see updates about each other’s lives on social media but haven’t actually talked in person in a few years. Time has been kind to him. He’s still quite handsome with his mischievous smile and dimples; maturity looks good on him.
“Hey there Viv, I heard you were back in town.” Chase gives me a kind smile as I stand up to say hello. He puts his arm around my shoulder for a platonic side hug. He really is a good guy and was one of my best friends for a long time. Just the simple act of seeing someone that I have so much history with warms my heart a little. This is why I needed to come home, I needed to come back to the people that know and love me, not that want to use me to provide sordid details for their next gossip session with other clucking hens. Although, Marcie Claire can definitely cluck with the best of them.
“Hey there yourself, buddy. The rumors are true. Back home, well, back at my sister’s as I figure things out.” Just a few things, like my life and where I go and what I do after everything has fallen apart—you know—minor details.
Chase greets his mama with a kiss on the cheek. “Hey Mama, nice to run into you. What are you ladies up to?”
“I was just popping in to grab a few coffees before I head over to Sue Ellen’s for our committee meeting. The Forrest Falls Women’s Society is planning our upcoming annual fundraiser. We’re going to announce our fundraising focus for the season soon but I can give you the inside scoop. This year it will be the National Kidney Foundation, which is so much more pleasant than last year’s topic. I have a garden club meeting this evening so it will be a busy day. I’ll leave you two to it. Vivian, if you have any interest in volunteering for anything once you get settled in, you let me know, dear.” With a wave fit for a queen, Marcie Claire heads to the counter to pick up her order.
I notice Chase roll his eyes and shake his head as we watch his mama leave. We stand next to each other for a minute and my curiosity gets the best of me. “So, what was the focus of the society last year?”
“The county’s domestic violence shelter needed funds for a new building. Mama thought it was an unsavory topic for social gatherings.” Chase raises his eyebrows and gives me a look letting me know that some things never change.
