Page 110 of Stepbrothers with Benefits
And I didnotwant to have to deal with anything like that today.
Quickly making my way to the locker room, I changed and neglected to use the showers. I hadn’t worked up much of a sweat, but I still had the thought of creepy fans burning in mybrain. The last thing I needed was to worry about what to say if someone tried to corner me in the shower while I was naked. Not that I thought I couldn’t fend someone off, but who wanted to deal with that?
Not me, which was why I tucked my bag under my arm and made my way out of the gym with only enough of a glance around to make sure I wasn’t being followed. There seemed to be some attention on me, but not enough to make me more paranoid than I already was. Only when I left the building did I finally let out a breath of relief and begin walking.
I’d walked for about five minutes until I recognized the group from the gym, all of them looking my way as I passed. Their attention was locked on me until they noticed me looking before turning away, a couple of them laughing. Anxiety shot through me as I walked a little faster without drawing more attention to myself.
Fighting not to duck my head, I kept walking, not sure why my anxiety was so maxed out. At first, all I could do was think about getting away from those I knew recognized me, and then wonder if everyone looking my way recognized me. I couldn’t recall ever feeling so alone and isolated, pegged as someone ‘special’ in a crowd of normal people. All I knew for a while was that I wanted to get as far away from being recognized before I realized that that mentality was...different, and more importantly, wrong.
Reaching the edge of campus, my attempt to get away slowed to a crawl as it occurred to me that what was going on was weird as hell. My steps lagged and I found myself glancing behind me in confusion, realizing that while yes, my worry and anxiety had gotten the better of me...there was no reason for it to have done that. I was concerned about a lot of things going on in my life, but why the hell would I be worried about being noticed?
I had no idea, but I was pulling out my phone and ordering a ride rather than trying to walk back to the apartment before I could think too hard about it. The expense would be barely noticeable in my account, and I didn’t care if it wasn’t necessary for what was a twenty-minute walk, depending on traffic and timing. Neither Milo nor I talked much about it to other people, but the social media stuff had been paying the bills and bloated our bank accounts far beyond those of typical college students.
Forcing myself to take a breath, I considered the nearby bench where I had ordered the ride’s starting point and decided against it as I stood and stared into the distance. That was a dangerous idea because it led me to my own emotions, which were always risky to rely on. Instead, I pulled out my phone. Milo’s response was a smile and an ‘okay,’ and Eva’s was a ‘good, ’ which was deeply unsettling.
When the ride pulled up, it occurred to me what had been so weird about the attention. Mainly because the driver, who was only a little older than me, barely glanced at me, other than to confirm I was the picture he had as his expected rider.
I had been on campus when I had gained more attention than usual.
When Milo started doing social media ‘stunts,’ little attention was thrown his way until he started picking up speed. Eventually, he had brought me into the fold, not purely on the technical side, but also as a partial face of the accounts. Attention had become commonplace once we went from picking up speed to what I could only call viral. We went to a college where the average age meant students picked up on and fed the attention given to them, and eventually it came my way as well.
Except that sort of attention was something we’d had to grow used tothree years ago. Sure, there were moments when new students recognized us and caused a fuss, but for the most part, other students accepted our mild status as celebrities. If therewas any staring, it was done at a glance, lingering for a moment before they looked away to go about their business.
Yet, in the time it took for me to work out in the campus gym, I was aware of too many people’s attention. Yeah, I could attribute that to being paranoid, but at the same time, it didn’t feel that way.
The war between being paranoid due to stress, seeing shadows where there were none, and knowing there was something wrong continued the whole way back to the apartment. To the point that when I left the ride, I had to evaluate whether the lingering look from the driver was just a usual stare, a lingering look at my ass, or if it was like the people at the gym who had stared too long.
“Fuck,” I muttered as I let myself into the building and then decided that if I was going to risk people staring at me, I was going to choose the stairs over a painful elevator ride. At least if someone gave me a searching look on the stairs, genuine or in my head, then I could just keep going. The elevator would have left me awkwardly standing there, and if I was right, give someone the chance to say something I didn’t want to deal with, and if I were wrong, then I would just be stewing in my thoughts the whole time and making things worse.
Thankfully, I met precisely zero people going up the stairs, and no one we knew was in the hallway, including our neighbors.
Ignoring the jingle of my keys, which showed how skittish I felt, I let myself into the apartment. Milo wasn’t in sight as I closed the door behind me, and took a deep breath. The familiar smells of the apartment filled my nose, giving me a sense of comfort that I hadn’t had all day.
It smelled like us. Like home.
“Jesus,” Milo complained from the kitchen. “The food isn’t even here yet.”
“Well, I am,” I remarked, enjoying the comfort of his voice as I kicked off my shoes and neatly tucked them next to Milo’s. Not my norm, but it gave me a sense of calm. Probably because I had been feeling out of control for the past hour or so, but I wasn’t going to worry. I was back home, and Milo was waiting for me, irritated and testy as he could be sometimes.
“Why are you smirking?” he asked. His eyes roved my face for a heartbeat, and his frown eased. “And why do you look like you ran here?”
I tried not to grimace. Milo already had enough on his plate without worrying that I’d just had a freak out from...what? Paranoia? Guilt? Shame? I didn’t know, and I was sure I was going to spend the rest of the day and night trying to figure out where it had come from. There had been no reason for me to lose my mind like that, and now that I could feel the mood disappearing, it was leaving behind a new sense of shame at my dramatics.
“We both know I’m not running anywhere in weather like this,” I said and approached him with a kiss. It was a distraction technique, though I wasn’t sure if I was trying to distract him or me. It definitely worked for me as I felt the last threads of the panic fray, fall apart, and disappear. In its place came a flash of heat and lust, and I deepened the kiss.
“Okay, okay,” he said with a laugh, breaking the kiss but putting his hands on my hips. “I guess I'll just pretend you’re all flushed and sweaty from being so horned up to see me.”
In a flash of understanding, I frowned. “Wait, what? You think I’m kissing you to distract you from asking me questions...or do you think I’m distracting myself?”
“Ummm.”
“That’s what last night was about, wasn’t it? You were freaking out and used sex to get your mind off it.”
His cautious expression became one of guilt. “Well...a little?”
I sighed. “Milo.”
“You were the one who asked what was up with me and accepted when I didn’t want to talk about it,” he said crossly. “Don’t go changing your mind about that just because you’re trying to do the same thing.”
