Page 161 of The King is Dead
God, I felt sick. “Have you… have you mated, Izzy?” I breathed. I knew she knew what mating was.
She shook her head. “But… sometimes I think I want to,” she said in a tiny voice.
I opened my mouth, full of words about how she didn’t have to, she wasn’t to let anyone pressure her, and it wasn’t wrong to wait, that she needed to protect herself. But then I caught the fear in her eyes.
Not fear of the mating.
Fear ofme.
I blinked. “Um… what stopped you?”
She shrugged uncomfortably and looked back over her shoulder towards where Melek and Gall rode, though we couldn’t see them here. “Gall is afraid of hurting me,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper.
He wasn’t the only one.
“And…” she swallowed delicately. “And I knew you’d be angry.”
My head jerked back of its own accord. I was struggling to breathe. I dropped my gaze to stare at her gloved hands on the reins, frowning. “What… why did you think I’d be angry?”
“Because you were so angry last time,” she murmured, her voice so low it was barely above a whisper.
Last time.
We hadn’t spoken about that inyears.
I closed my eyes and wanted to weep.
60. The Way it Should Be
~ YILAN ~
When Istral was sixteen—around the time she’d taken an interest in the horses’ breeding—she’d met a stablehand. A strapping, low-born young man. He’d been very kind to her and patient. And Istral had developed… romantic ideas. Veryjuvenileromantic ideas.
She wastrulychildlike in those years. Her conceptions of love and romance were innocent—to hold hands, maybe a chaste kiss. She thought marriage meant you slept in the same bed, and romance was simply friends who chose to be alone together a great deal.
That young man preyed on her trust.
When Harris discovered them in the hayloft of the stables one morning, she was horrified and blamed herself. The young man was held while Harris took Izzy to the physician and called for me.
I was twenty-four years old and had only been ruling for two years at that point. I was still overwhelmed.
I almost lost my mind when Harris told me what happened. I rushed to my sister, ranting and raging to the doctor about how we must ensure there was no pregnancy, then had that predator whipped and exiled.
He was never allowed near Istral again.
My sister slept in my bed for two months following those events. And I wept into my pillow, holding her,fightingit with every fiber of my being for almost a year. I couldn’t believe I’d let her be violated in that way. I couldn’t believe any man was sick enough todo that. And I despised that, at first, she didn’t understand that she’d been used.
I blamed myself, and kept her close.
I always assured her she could speak to me, or Harris, or the doctor. But she seemed much happier to forget about it. And over time, so was I.
But now I was left gaping at her as she watched me warily, fear of my disapproval in her eyes.
“Izzy,” I breathed, licking my lips. “I wasneverangry at you for what he did to you.”
She frowned and looked back towards Gall. “Yes, you were. You yelled a lot, and youcursed.”
“But… but notatyou. Istral, I was so angry atmyselfbecause I didn’t protect you! And I was raging at him for hurting you that way.”
