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I wanted to scream at him that, of course, I was, but what good would it do?

Dion was my best friend, and he had been here every day since Ivan had brought me back here, every single day. He had taken me to every appointment. He had used his own money to buy a crib and baby clothes because I refused to use the money Viktor had put in my account.

I would never touch a cent of that money. Not ever, even if I had to work every day for the rest of my life.

“It’s not that.” It was totally that, but I didn’t want another lectureabout how I needed to leave Viktor in my past or to be told how he never cared for me. He had cared for me.

I was sure of it. What we shared hadn’t been an act. But that just made what he said even worse. Because if he hadn’t meant the words, and had said them anyway, knowing that they would hurt me, he was a monster.

“I’m just really uncomfortable.” I said at last. That was the truth as well. Every time I moved things hurt. And I was too hot.

“Leah.” Dion took my hands in his, his thumb swiped against the back of them. “I hate seeing you like this. It’s ok to admit you miss him. It’s ok to be scared, but he didn’t deserve you or that baby. If he did, he wouldn’t have left you to deal with this by yourself.”

Tears pooled in my eyes, and I wiped them away angrily. “I’m not by myself. I have you.”

Gently, he pulled me into his arms. Stroking up and down my back as I lost control and sobbed into his t-shirt.

“Yes, you do. It’s ok, Leah. It’s all going to be ok,” he soothed.

“I love him.”

Dion stiffened. “You love him?” He held me at arm’s length and studied my face. Sniffling, I nodded.

“Damn girl.” Dion shook his head. “Damn, right, let’s go.”

Confused, I stared at him. “I don’t want to go anywhere, Dion. This is our only day off this week, and I just want to sleep and—”

“We are going to get your man.”

I stared at him in shock. “He doesn’t want to see me. He won’t even return my calls. I’ve tried.”

Oh boy, I had tried.

Ivan had told me to stop and think about the baby before he put the phone down on me. No one from that world wanted anything to do with me. Viktor had made me untouchable. He didn’t want me, and he had slammed the door closed.

“Then, we won’t give him a choice. You can direct me, can’t you? To his country house?”

I heaved myself upward, my back arching and my stomach protruding like someone had stuffed a beach ball up my dress.

“He might not be there. He could be anywhere.” I mumbled.

“Then, we will look there as well. Oh, and grab those divorce papers as well. You can slap some sense into him with them if he doesn’t listen.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed. The very idea of slapping Viktor with the papers he had sent to my house was comical.

“This is a bad idea. What if he really meant what he said?” I shuffled after him.

“Then you have closure, Leah.” Dion took my arm. “One way or another, you need to know. Even if it hurts.”

“Ok.” I forced myself to smile. “Ok, let’s do this before I get so big I can’t walk. Closure, that’s what I need.”

And maybe I did, but I was sure that if Viktor told me again that it was over, I would just wither away and die. I wouldn’t be able to survive it again.

“Shit.”

“What is it?” Dion slowed the car enough to turn to me. “What’s wrong Leah? Are you in pain?”

I waved his concern away because while it was welcome always, it wasn’t what was important right now.