Page 125 of Isolation
As horrible as all of this is, maybe it will finally help me understand her symptoms. I come back to the couch to sit next to her.
“What were you treated for at the center?”
Raven looks at me nervously. “Depression, anxiety, symptoms of trauma, panic, nightmares. You know, the usual.” Raven tries to smile, as if trying to make the awkward situation somewhat better.
My whole body freezes. My muscles are tense from head to toe.
It wasn’t hyperbole. If anything, Raven downplayed it. I ruined her life. Raven can say she loves me, but it doesn’t change anything.
My sins will never leave us.
“I know what you are thinking,” Raven’s voice is still too fucking placid. “It wasn’t because of what happened between us. I swear.”
Raven runs her hand through my hair and looks at me intently as if that will force me to believe her.
“It sure sounds like it,” I scoff.
Raven shakes her head at me. “No, Milo. This is after my parents sent me an email telling me how they never wanted me. My pride wouldn’t let me come back to New York to live with myrealfamily. I lost you and Reid. Mia sealed the deal. I was depressed and lonely because I was exhausted from therapy and the long recovery time wasn’t improving my mood. It was a result of feeling hopeless.”
Why is she so damn calm about all of this? I want to shake her till she throws another fit. I was wrong.
Thatwas the normal response. I wish she would go back to hitting me. Fuck.
“Why would you check out of the center if you were in that headspace?” I ask rigidly.
“Because Milo, that’s not what I needed. I told you, I wanted to be around my family. I saw Reid for the first time in years, and we made up. It was my last true human connection. He pulled me out of that darkness.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that,” Raven’s genuine smile lights up her beautiful face. “For the last two years, he never stopped being my constant. I owe him my life for helping me turn it around. So, when he asked me for something more, you have to understand why I couldn’t refuse.”
Suddenly, I am not so jealous of Reid, their bond, or whatever the hell she might have felt for him.
None of that shit matters anymore. Whatever pulled her out of that misery is worth it.
I had murderous urges when I found out that Raven was entertaining a relationship with Reid.
All I could focus on was my anger at her for lying. I stooped low enough to threaten murder on my brother, but I didn’t consider the situation I put her in.
I doused her life with fear, then refused to leave her alone unless she promised to give us another chance.
All the while, Reid picked up the pieces of the consequences. My actions pushed her into his arms because he is a better man than I am.
Even I have to admit that.
When I read Reid’s text to Raven, my stupefied self could only stare at the words and think about the better man on that message’s other side.
Reid: If I keep being your friend, then I’ll never be happy. If you care about me even a little, then please stop explaining. Please stop calling. I don’t want to hear it. Just let me go.
I’m proud of Reid; of the man he has become. I did a lot of things wrong, but I raised my siblings right.
Reid is strong. He chose something better for himself than I ever could for myself. He chose a path of self-improvement. I chose a path of darkness that engulfed the woman I love.
I brush some of the hair off of Raven’s face.
“I do understand,” I say quietly. “You made all of this progress because he helped you. But ever since you came back, you have been slipping. All of your symptoms are back even though you are surrounded by family,” I state my observation matter of factly.
We both stop talking, letting the words sink in.
