Page 25 of A Perfect Holiday
Henry nodded.
With so many last minute preparations, time flew, and before I knew it we were at the gallery. I could barely contain my mirth at the sight of Boone and Booker in the elf costumes I made for them. Aubree, River Pearl, and I jingled as much as they did. I wasn’t sure how my man was able to make jingle bells and pointy toe shoes sexy, but he did.
When they arrived, River Pearl came and got Boone, saying Brax wanted to see him. He disappeared into the back.
I walked through the gallery, stopping to admire Creed’s metal interpretation of a full-sized Rudolph. It was a three-dimensional wire sculpture with a glowing red lightbulb nose, and stunningly artistic along with a whimsical snowman and a whole winter wonderland done in metal. Stunning. My dress and sketches were artfully displayed, with the white boned corset top and the tulle tutu-inspired skirt on an elegant mannequin. I couldn’t wait to wear it for New Year’s Eve. The six of us planned to go to New Orleans and hit Bourbon Street.
I walked around enjoying the rest of it, Booker’s pages so beautifully presented, Brax’s cakes and food display mouth-watering, and then several of Boone’s boards for the first English garden he did, with pictures of the final installation. I was so proud of him.
Then I got to the Santa wall and, of course, immediately looked for Duel’s letter. When I found it and started to read, clarity washed over me in a frantic rush, and I found myself trembling all over.
Dear Santa –
I know I’m just a little kid, but I want to give up my present for this year. Ireallywanted a big wheel, but that can wait. I want to ask for a miracle for my mommy. I’m not sure if you can grant those, but I’m thinking you probably can because you’re Santa. I can’t ask for something specific, because Mommy has to decide the kind of miracle she needs. It’s up to her. Just give her double this year, whatever she wants, because I love her and want her to be happy.
Love, Duel
P.S. Don’t eat the cookies. I think they might be poisoned. Mommy went wrong somewhere.
P.S.S. Eat the cookies at my Uncle Braxton’s house. He can really cook.
I laughed through my sudden tears at that last part, and the selfie of Boone and Duel mugging it for the camera. My heart was so full.
Boone was right. I kept things from him because I hated to deal with awful stuff. The thought that I had purposely withheld the fact that I might not be able to bear any more children made me sick to my stomach.
My only defense was my fear. My overwhelming fear that somehow Boone would find me lacking. But it was clear to me that he hadn’t. He wanted to move forward. I was the one holding back—resisting commitment to any of our many options. And we had them! My sweet boy was my anchor. My husband, Boone Duel Outlaw, was my anchor, and Henry was our gift. We were a family, and if I let go of my preconceived notions about what constitutes a family, I could let go of my fear-filled past and face our loving future, united with Boone.
I hurried over to the area where there was a lot of ho ho ho-ing going on. My breath caught, and I smiled, feeling lighter than I had in days. Braxton Outlaw was now wearing an elf costume, and Boone had Henry on one knee and Duel on the other.
Afterward, Rory did tattoos for all the kids; the actor River hired was fabulous; and to top it all off, a funny, cute, and interactive puppet show thrilled the kids to the point that the excited chatter and squeals of delight were deafening. Then they each got to open presents.
I cornered Boone later on and kissed him, Santa beard and all. Okay, so I had a little bit of a crush on Santa. I said, “Since I made this costume, maybe later, you know, you could wear it for me…”
He chuckled. “You are so kinky. I’m all for a midnight ride, and I don’t even need cocoa to warm me up.”
I laughed back and indulged myself in more Santa kisses.
The weekend passed in a whirl of activity, with last-minute Christmas shopping and mass, and a special prayer for Bonkers that made Henry smile when my father delivered it and asked us all to pray at the end of mass.
When Monday came, I got on the phone with my specialist and let her know I was ready for the surgery, and what I wanted to do with my options. The smile in her voice was golden. Then I called Aubree and talked to her for a long time. My heart was filled to overflowing by her generosity and love.
When Boone came home, I called Henry and Duel.
“What’s this about?” he demanded, eyeing me, and the lightness of my steps.
“We didn’t get around to hanging your stocking,” I said.
He looked at the fireplace and his eyes widened. He had missed Henry’s stocking, he’d been so preoccupied. He turned to look at me his heart in his eyes and something else that made my chest ache. Hope.
I handed his stocking to him, he set it on the hook, and our family was complete.
After that I got the boys taken care of, Duel into bed, story read, and Henry was quietly doing his homework in my office.
When I came back out to the living room, Boone had started a fire and brewed some coffee for us.
I sat down next to him and took a breath; then I twisted so I could face him and he turned his body to face me.
“Something is different,” he said.
