Page 88 of Happily Ever Witch
Trevelyan leaned closer to her ear. “Darling, if you vaporize Haigha for me, I will rip your clothes off and make you come harder than you’ve ever come in your life.”
Haigha disintegrated.
Esmeralda didn’t think about it. Didn’t even move her hands. It just happened. Her lips parted in shock, as the massive dragon vaporized into the air. The rest of the Queen of Clubs’ army gaped at the smoky blue remnants of their unstoppable monster, trying to figure out what happened.
Trevelyan purred in villainous pleasure. “My wicked little mate.” He pressed a kiss to her temple, like he just couldn’t help himself.
“That was an accident!”
“Nonsense. I inspired you. Like a mentor for sex and evil.” His eyebrows compressed. “My God… Evil sex mentormight just be my calling. I’ll fuck you in every way imaginable, while you call me ‘sir’ and show me all your incredible, green magic.”
She gave a slightly hysterical laugh, because what elsecouldshe do with the man? “You really are a deranged maniac.”
“A deranged maniac…sir.” He corrected gravely.
“Charge!” The Dormouse spurned his hippo forward. “Kill our manxome foes!”
No longer worried, Trevelyan released Esmeralda’s hand and leaned forward, with his elbows resting on the railing. Casually slouched there, he enjoyed the view, as thousands of armed men roared forward. “If I promise to make you cometwice, will you vaporize every single one of these armored assholes?”
“That’s a lot of guys, Trev.”
“You can do it.” He looked positively jovial. “I want to watch your magic destroy legions of knights, so I can masturbate to it for the next fifty years. Go as big as you can.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “I hate knights.”
And he’d loved his parents. His devotion to them was a hopeful sign for his continued emotional growth. This would make Trevelyan happy. And save their lives. And honestly itwouldbe fun.
Like Auntie Hazel always said: If you weren’t having fun being a wicked witch, you were doing it wrong.
Concentrating hard, Esmeralda focused on repeating the transmogrifying spell, onlybigger.Much, much bigger. Ruthlessly pressing down all the Good inside of her, Esmeralda let loose with a full torrent of Bad. Everything she had blastedout. Green magic scorched the air, like forked-lightning, and birds in flight, and death itself. A swirling tornado of evil electro-charged the entire Heart Kingdom.
And the whole army turned to mist.
Every single knight, Dormouse, hippo, and cannon was just… gone. All at once.
Trevelyan made a sound that resembled sexual release and his head tipped back in ecstasy. “OhGod, yes.”
Dissipating into the air, the invading force became a thick rolling cloud of yellowish-gray vapor. The haze smelled of industry and ozone. Diffusing the sunlight, it obliterated the view for miles. Hanging over the gardens, it slowly drifted through the smoldering hedge maze, a thick, polluted blight on the pastel scenery.
Esmeralda wrinkled her nose, realizing what herbigtransmogrifying spell had actually done.
Trevelyan scented the fumes. “Smog?” His brow furrowed, piecing it together. “Log. Hog. Grog. …Smog.”
“But still not a single frog.” She muttered.
His mouth curved, as he finally recognized what was happening with the rhymes. Something glinted deep in his eyes. Some kind of spark. “Regardless, the army was soundly defeated… as if you’d wielded aflog.” He offered in false commiseration.
“Oh, shut up.”
“Why, it was a spell worthy of anyblog. Everyone watching wasagog!”
“Shutup, Trev.”
He chuckled, but the sound was much more tender than usual. He moved to stand beside her, again.
“I told you, my magic is unpredictable.” Esmeralda defended. “But at least they’re gone. You’re welcome, dickhead.”
He touched her back, rubbing gently. “You did very well, my darling.”
That mollified her. “Yeah?”
