Page 16 of Sloth
Iwake up engulfed by his smell with his strong, heavy arms wrapped tight around me, and for a while, I just watch him sleep. I imagine how different everything could have been, and it brings tears to my eyes that I can’t wipe away because I’m all tangled up in his arms, and I don’t want to wake him.
“Mornin’.” I hear his croaky voice even though his eyes are still closed.
“Morning.” I smile, trying to think of a time where I’ve felt this complete.
“What time is it?” he asks, keeping his eyes firmly shut.
“It’s almost six.” These past few weeks, Luke has been out on the yard by six am every morning. I’m really hoping that today he’s gonna make an exception.
“Shit, I gotta go.” He bolts up, almost knocking me out of bed, and when he looks down at his body and sees that he’s still completely naked, he grabs his shirt from the floor, covers his cock with it, and starts looking around desperately for something to put on.
“You don’t have to be shy, I’ve done more than see it,” I remind him, trying to make this whole situation a little less embarrassing.
“Yeah.” He pulls on some jeans and starts rubbing at his eyes. “We’re gonna have to talk about that.” He sounds regretful, which hurts because what happened last night was, without doubt, the most magical thing I’ve ever experienced.
“We can talk about it now if you want.” I get up out of his bed and straighten out the dress I wore to Matty’s funeral. The same dress I fucked his brother in and slept in last night. I should feel ashamed of myself, but I actually find it quite empowering. Like, I took a little control of my life back.
“Erin, I got work to do, but we will. We’ll talk about it tonight,” he promises, throwing a T-shirt over his head and dashing out the room. I stand staring at the bed we made love on, and although I can tell how bad Luke feels about what happened, I know I wasn’t imagining how good it was. I’ve never had a man take me in that way before. So soft, yet intense. The way Luke looked at me while he was inside me made me feel so precious. I want to drag him back into this room and have him make me feel that way again. But without explaining the truth to him, I can only imagine what he must think of me.
“Erin.” I hear Mary's voice call through the house, and when I see her standing in Luke’s doorframe, she looks surprised to find me here.
“What are you doing in here, dear?” She moves inside to wrap her arm around me.
“I…I was just seeing if Luke had any dirty laundry.” I pick up the slacks he wore yesterday and his shirt from the floor, and the scent of him makes my pussy throb
“You're wearing the same dress you wore yesterday. Have you even been to bed?” Mary starts fussing with my unruly hair, and I tuck what's fallen out of my ponytail behind my ears and smile at her awkwardly.
“My dear, you mustn’t let grief consume you; we’re all on this path together. Why don’t you take a shower, and we’ll head into town? I’m sure you could do with picking up a few things.”
“Sure.” I leave her standing in her son’s room and head to the bathroom, closing the door behind me and bursting into tears when I realize that what happened last night can’t ever happen again.
Luke is Matthew’s brother; his family would never forgive him. Mary and Bryce have already suffered the loss of one son; I can’t let them fall out with the one son they have left.
I saw the guilt on Luke’s face before he left. It’s clear that to him, what happened last night was a mistake. To me, it was reassurance and peace of mind that not all men are monsters. I guess, no matter what happens next, I’ll always be grateful to him for that.
I sit staring at the plate of food that's on the table, waiting for Luke. He’s already fifteen minutes later coming in than he usually is, and maybe I’m being paranoid, but I can’t help thinking he’s avoiding me.
The door opens after another ten minutes of waiting, and he smiles at me awkwardly as he hangs up his hat and heads to the basin to wash up.
“How was your day?” I ask, picking up the salad tongs and serving myself some.
“Busy,” he answers, drying off his hands before taking his seat opposite me. “Sorry if I kept you waitin’.” He looks up at the clock on the wall to avoid eye contact with me.
“It’s no bother, I was just hoping you weren’t avoiding me.” I pick up some chicken on my fork, but can’t bring myself to eat it. I suddenly feel too nervous.
“I wouldn’t do that.” He frowns. “I know I kinda freaked out this morning, but I was just…”He shakes his head while he tries to find the words. “It… It should have felt wrong.” He drops his own knife and fork like he’s angry with himself. “I shouldn’t have even come close to doin’ something like that with you, and yet, I couldn’t stop myself. Even if I could have, I don’t think I would.” I can see how hurt he is by his own confession, and I have to bite down the smile of relief that's threatening to show on my lips.
“I wouldn’t have wanted you to.” I let him know that he’s not the only one who’s wrong.
“See, you don’t mean that, Erin. You're grieving and you're confused, and I took advantage of that. I convinced myself that you needed it to make you feel better when, in reality, I?—”
“I did need it.” I cut him off. “But not to make me feel better.” I consider telling him the truth; it sure would make explaining all this easier, but I don’t want him to view Matthew differently. I know how much Luke looked up to his big brother.
“I’ve always liked you, Luke,” I make a confession of my own.
“You…you what?” He stares back at me as if the words I just said were in a foreign language.
“I’ve always liked you, right from the day you put that frog in Kelly Benson’s pencil case.” I pour myself another glass of wine when he offers me no response.
