Page 19 of Sloth
“He was my husband, that was part of being a wife.” She shrugs, and I shake my head at her.
“No, that's not fuckin’ true. That's not true at all. Wife or not, it’syourchoice to give your body to someone.”
“Well, no man’s ever given me the choice before; not until you.” She has that hopeful, endearing look in her eyes again, and I can’t believe she’s staring them at me
“What are you saying, darlin’?”
“I’m saying, your brother wasn’t the first person to hurt me. My parents aren’t dead, Luke. I was taken away from them when I was six because of the games my daddy used to make me play.”
“No.” I feel bile creep up the back of my throat.
“I got placed with the Lutons, and after a few years, they adopted me.”
“I knew you were adopted, but I…Fuck, Erin.” I don’t know what to say to her.
“I told your brother what had happened when we first started dating, and he was so good about it all. I really thought he understood me. He never pushed for nothing, he was patient. I appreciated it so much, and I was sure he was waiting till we got married, for my benefit. So I felt secure. But that night I got scared. I thought he’d be understanding and patient like he was before. I thought he’d be kind.” She fights so hard to hold back her sobs.
“No. Erin, you should have told me this before last night. If I’d have known, I–”
“Last night was perfect. I felt in control. That’s why I want to do it again and again with you.” She makes that adorable little smile through her tears, and to think I did something like that for her puts a lump in my throat.
“I know it’s hard for you, and you feel like you're betraying him, but I’m free. Free from something I thought I’d be trapped in forever. I’d resigned myself to the idea of being miserable for the rest of my life, and now I feel like I’m seeing the world for the first time. I wanna see that world with you.” She blushes and looks down at her feet when she thinks she’s said too much, but I lift her chin up with the crook of my finger and kiss her.
“I want that, too. I wanna make you happy, Erin.”
“Then love me?” She shrugs like it’s just that simple.
“You understand that people will judge us. We’ll have to keep this to ourselves for a while; let the dust settle.” I hate that I won’t be able to tell the world she’s my girl, but I don’t want her dealing with any more shit. She’s suffered enough.
“And your parents need time to grieve before they see us moving on. I forget sometimes that he’s only been dead for three weeks.” I can see her trying to hide the relief she’s feeling, to spare me.
I close my eyes when I think back to how Matthew was. How could he have been so deceptive? Erin’s right, my parents can never know about this. He’s always been the son they were proud of. We need to let that memory live on for them. They’ve lost so much already.
“It must have been a relief.” I take her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips so I can kiss her fingers and let her know that it’s okay for her to be honest about her feelings. “You know, if I’d have known, I’d have killed him myself.” I can tell from her scars that she’s taken plenty of beatings, and knowing that Matthew knew about her past and how vulnerable she is makes it even easier for me to hate him.
“He was your brother; it’s okay for you to love him. I’d never expect you to–”
“Love him?Erin, I wanna raise him from the dead so I can kill him all over again. What he did to you was unthinkable.” I feel the blood heating in my veins just thinking about it.
“Then let's not think about it, let's move on. We can move from here,” she suggests.
“And leave my parents? Leave Liza? You know how badly she’s gonna need you over the next couple of months, and I may not be Matthew, but I’m all my folks have got,” I remind her, and the nod she makes tells me she’s in full agreement. “We’re staying here. I’m gonna give my folks a son they can be proud of,and I’m gonna show you how you should have been treated from the start.” She gasps when I sweep her off her feet.
“Where are you taking me?” She giggles as I head for the bathroom.
“To love ya.” I study her face as she smiles back at me.
“In the bathroom?” She laughs some more, and after hearing all she’s been through, I’m in awe of how she still finds the energy.
“In the shower, to be exact. I’m all dusty and dirty, but I don’t think I can wait to get ya outta those clothes.” I look down at her and smirk.
“Sounds good to me.” She kisses me as I kick the door shut behind her and stick to my word.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ERIN
ONE MONTH LATER
