Page 115 of Search My Soul
“You’re acting like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump.” I laughed it off even though my dark days had been more frequent than my good ones. I didn’t want them to worry because there was nothing they could do.
“Well, that’s how it feels when you disappear on us. We depend on you for more than just your money, although it’s an added bonus,” Lovely teased.
“Fuck you, bruh.” I smiled, appreciating the fact that they cared. Battling a mental illness was a never-ending fight, and sometimes it was hard to tell what was real from what was fake. There were times when my mind told me I should end it all because no one would care, but I had to remind myself it wasn’t true.
“Hey, I’m being honest. Pure is stingy as hell with his pocketbook and asks a thousand questions when we ask for something. I see why he’s still single because nobody wants to deal with a grumpy, frugal mothafucka who turns off hiscochlear when he doesn’t want to be bothered. I’m about to take some more classes so I can cuss him out in ASL.” I chuckled as Lovely vented. Pure had a condition that caused his hearing to deteriorate.
He was diagnosed before our parents died, but the doctors assured them he wouldn’t lose complete hearing until he got older. My mother was one of those people who liked to prepare for anything, so she made sure we all knew American Sign Language. We never used it in public because it was something Pure was uncomfortable with, but we used to have fun communicating with one another when we were behind closed doors.
“I don’t know why y’all be playing with that man.” Pure acted like our dad. He was a stern and bullheaded man, but when we needed him, he was there. He would complain the whole time, but he showed up for all of us kids. Pure was the exact same way.
“I’ll be so glad when he falls in love or at least gets some consistent pussy in his life. The man is uptight and probably backed up.”
“You could have kept that to yourself, Love. I don’t want to think about that man and his balls.” I frowned in displeasure because there were some things I didn’t want to discuss with my siblings.
“Well, let’s talk about yours then,” Patience interjected. My head whipped in her direction in disbelief.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You heard me. No shade, but why are you messing around with that girl when you know you aren’t gonna do anything except waste her time?”
“I still want to know how you found out about her in the first place because I purposely didn’t tell your nosy asses.” I made it a point to keep the women I dealt with away from my family sinceI knew they wouldn’t be around long. Somehow, Patience found out months ago, and she wouldn’t let it go.
“Even if someone hadn’t told me, I still would have found out. The girl has been posting off guards of you for months with these desperate captions. I think the last one said, ‘The only place he wants to be.’ I wanted to comment and tell her that she was nothing more than a placeholder, but Duke told me to mind my own business.”
“Duke was right. Besides, that situation is dead. We got into it before I came here.” Patience got up from the table and removed a pan from the oven.
“Whatchu got over there?” I asked, watching her take a bowl out of the cupboard.
“I made peach cobbler with extra crust. You want some?”
“Hell yeah. Why you ain’t tell me that earlier?” My sister knew how much I loved her desserts, so I don’t know why she wanted to play with me.
“My bad. It slipped my mind, but being in your business made me hungry,” she quipped.
“You get on my nerves for real. I’m only allowing it because I know I’ve been a fucked up brother lately.”
“I’m glad you know.” Lovely scoffed as she got up from the table to fix herself a bowl as well.
“Do you have ice?—”
“Bubs, don’t even waste your breath asking me that stupid question. I keep a tub of vanilla bean ice cream in the freezer at all times. Do you want some caramel syrup too?”
“Do yo’ thang, Sis.”
After she fixed our dessert, the two of them sat right back down at the table. They were silent while we all enjoyed the delicious treat, but I wasn’t foolish enough to believe they were done interrogating me.
“Nee-nee invited us to her birthday party,” Patience informed me.
“Good. Are you going?” My attention was focused on my bowl, but I could feel them watching me once again.
“Go ahead and say what’s on your mind because I’m tired of feeling like I’m in an interrogation room. I haven’t been locked up in years.”
“Well, have you talked to her?” Patience asked.
“Fuck all of that. When are you going to get your shit together and go get our sister-in-law back? I thought you would snap out of this once you saw she was dating, but you don’t seem upset enough for me,” Lovely fussed. Once again, they had managed to ruin my appetite.
“I’m working on it. I don’t know though. She seems happy with him, and as much as it kills me, I don’t know if I have the right to intrude on her happiness.” I wasn’t big on social media, but I’ve seen a few videos on Juicy’s story. She mostly posted when she was out with her girls, but I’ve peeped a few videos of her watching DJ at practice. She posted a video of her wearing his jersey, and the shit made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to believe that she wasn’t falling for him, but it seemed as if he was making her smile.
