Page 115 of Things I Read About
My sisters nod in agreement.
“You didn’t. Or I know you didn’t mean to,” I say, my voice shaking, too. “And I love that I’m like Mom.”
“You really are,” Sadie says softly. “But you know what she’d want? She’d wantPeak Sally.” All of us smile and sniff. “And Peak Sally has a seat at the table. She speaks up for what she wants, or likes, or doesn’t even eat. She takes up space.”
She leans down to look at me. “You have your own seat, Sal. All your own. We were talking about it last night and it’s totally logical. That your reaction to Mom, and to our family grief, was to fade into the edges of the mess. To always be okay for us, to not ever make any waves, right?” I nod, crying, yet again. “No more fading, Sally. Take up all your space. Take. Up. All. Your. Space.”
I pull her down into a hug.
“As usual, Sadie has all the right words to say,” Susan says, sounding a little sad.
“And, as usual,” Sadie responds as she pulls out of my hold. “We wouldn’t even all be together if you hadn’t organized this and correlated our millions of schedules and conflicts, Suze.”
“Yes, yes, we’re all fabulous. We’re sorry, and you forgive us. You forgive us, right?” Sam asks. I chuckle and nod. “Okay. Now, about Nate…” Samantha starts.
“No. Please. I’m not ready.” I hold up a hand again. It worked last time. It appears to work this time too. They deflate but they also don’t press.
“Well, what can I make you for breakfast that’s not just bread and sugar? I mean do you eat nuts? What about some—”
“Suze.” I roll my eyes.
“Right. Sorry.” She backs away.
“We better get moving, you’ll come down and see us off?” Skye asks, even though she knows I will. They each give me a hug and then start to file out of my room.
“Sade?” I say.
Sadie turns back.
Susan stops too.
I glare at the latter until she leaves. I don’t need her sugar-coating this situation for me. I scoot up on the bed and ask Sadie the question that kept me up late into the night. “Did you watch? Did you notice anything about Nate and me? Like how he looked at me from across the room?”
“I did.” She narrows her eyes slightly. “It was interesting. He wouldn’t look at you at all. His eyes went literally everywhere else.” I frown. “Almost like he didn’t want to be caught reacting to you. Or maybe like you’re too much for him and he simplycouldn’tlook at you.”
“Or he just didn’t want to. He just didn’t want to see me.”
She snorts. “Come on, Sal. If there’s one thing we can all be pretty freaking sure of, it’s that that manseesyou. Like, wow. He took us all to school. Sally School.” She dips her chin. “I’m also pretty sure he likes what he sees.”
I sniff. “Not enough. Not enough to stay, to try, to be emotionally vulnerable.”
“I’m sorry, Sal.” She walks back. “Maybe he—”
“Never mind. I don’t want to get into it. Thanks, though.”
She flattens her lips into a sad, understanding line.
“Hey.” She brightens. “I asked Leonard if he wouldn’t mind doing all the animal chores and Regina said she’d stay at the house. If you don’t want to go back.”
“Well,hell yesto having him do the chores. But I don’t want to find another temporary place. I’ll go back to the estate and then after I get that little house near campus, I’ll just move straight there.”
“That makes sense.” She pats my foot again. “I’ll see you downstairs.”
“Okay.”
I get up, dress, and brush my teeth. In the bathroom, I hear my phone buzzing.
Samantha: Alert!
