Page 18 of Hunt for the Roses
Dr. Connelly takes a moment before speaking. “I think what you should start doing is consciously try to refocus your attention. Go for a walk outside, read, bake, hang out with friends. Maybe even meet new people.”
“If I’m being honest, I don’t want to be around people that much. Their happiness just reminds me of what I don’t have,” I respond.
Dr. Connelly nods. “That’s understandable. And you may not be ready for that right now, but you can start smaller. What are your hobbies?”
I shrug as I look out the window to the right of me in my therapist’s office. “Reading, dancing. Not dancing in a professional way, or that I take classes or anything. But I like it. It’s freeing for me.”
“That’s wonderful. Maybe try to channel some of your energy into music.” Dr. Connelly gestures her hand out to me. “For example, make a playlist that you could listen to from time to time, and put songs on there that will comfort you.”
I laugh-sigh as I look back at Dr. Connelly. “It sounds ridiculous. I don’t mean to criticize your suggestion; it just seems so small to try and help cope with something so big.”
“There are a lot of people that find comfort in the smallest things. This journey for you is about new self-discoveries.”
I look back out the window again, trying to digest the conversation my therapist and I are having.
Maybe therapy will help.
Maybe it won’t.
But like I said to Kate, I’m going to try.
~Six Months After~
It’s one o’clock in the morning on a Saturday night, and I’m walking out the door of my former townhouse. I’ve visited a few times since my first visit with Ronnie, trying to slowly adapt to my new life. I still don’t feel ready to live back here yet, but I’m becoming more hopeful that I can. The truth is, I loved my life in this house and I loved my life in this town, so I’m not ready to completely close that chapter. With my salary advancement, I’ve been able to continue making the monthly payments on my own, and my parents and Ronnie have offered to help me out when they can. I feel very fortunate that when Kyle and I bought this house, it was during a hot time in the real estate market, so our mortgage was much cheaper than it would have been normally. I’m not ready to completely let go of this house, and it almost feels like I would be completely letting go of Kyle if I did. But Kyle’s still a part of me, and I still feel his soul braided around my own.
I came here tonight after having dinner with my family, and I just laid in our bed for a few hours, clearly losing track of time. When I walk down the porch steps and take a few steps down the pathway to my car, I hear a door open and people talking. I turn my head in the direction of the sound, and notice Dane hanging outside his front door as he kisses a girl goodbye. I’m stuck staring at the scene in front of me since I haven’t seen Dane in so long. It’s almost lost on me how to even act around him, or what to say. He’s reached out to me over the last few months, and he’s probably going to be completely confused when he sees me. I can’t even try to hide from him now, so I guess the best thing to do is just face this situation head on.
When the brunette walks into the Uber parked in front of Dane’s house, Dane catches sight of me and does a double take. I start to feel extremely nervous and uncomfortable, wishing I had darted for my car instead of standing where I am, especially after he seemingly just had a rendezvous with a girl.
“Aria?” Dane asks with narrowed eyes.
I anxiously give a small wave in his direction. “Hey.”
He holds a finger up. “Wait, give me one second.” Dane goes back into his house momentarily and comes back out as he’s throwing on a black crewneck t-shirt. He was shirtless before in gray joggers, so I guess the awkwardness goes down a notch. Dane walks down toward me, and his hands are on his hips as he stands in front of me. “I had no idea you were here.”
I gesture with my hand as I look toward my townhouse. “Yeah, I’ve been starting to visit,” I begin to explain, and then I look back at Dane. “Just to get used to being in the house before I fully move back this summer.”
Dane nods in understanding and just stares at me for a few moments, almost like he’s trying to figure out what to say next. At least I’m not the only one who feels super uncomfortable right now. “Is there anything I can do? Do you need anything?”
I shake my head and wave off his offer. “No, I’m fine.” I smile as I change the subject. “So, how are you?”
Dane rocks back on his heels as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. “I’m alright. Work’s been busy as spring and summer approach with new projects. I’ve been making time for my mom more, which is nice. I don’t see her often.” He swallows before continuing. “It helps…having her to talk to.”
I give Dane a tight-lipped smile in understanding. “Yeah, I know. Family helps a lot.”
We just stare at each other for a few more seconds before Dane speaks next. “So, how are you doing?”
I look down as I play with my hands in front of my stomach. “I’m in therapy now.” I look back up to him and shrug. “It’s actually somewhat helpful. Who would have thought?” I say as I let out a shaky laugh.
“Yeah, Ronnie told me that.”
I cock my head in surprise. “You’ve spoken with Ronnie?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. If I don’t hear from you, sometimes I’ll reach out to him just to make sure you’re alright.”
I smile, and suddenly the awkwardness fades for a brief moment. “That’s really sweet. Thank you.” Dane gives a small smile as if to accept my gratitude. “But I think I’m going to be okay. I’m slowly starting to piece my life back together.”
“You’ll be fine,” Dane confirms.
