Page 94 of Hunt for the Roses
“I guess I was just thinking about it from Kyle’s side of it,” Kate adds, and when she mentions his name, the shadow over my heart darkens.
It takes me a moment to collect my thoughts, and I have to look away from her for several seconds. “I think about him every day. It’s not like I’ve forgotten him,” I say and then I turn to face her. “All I know is thatright now, I want to spend time with Dane. I know it’s wrong, and he’s the last person I should ever want to be with, but I can’t help my feelings. I can’t just turn them off, as much as I wish there was some magical switch.”
“Do you love him?” Kate asks.
I don’t answer right away, but I’m not entirely sure why. Her question throws me off, and I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t expect the actual question, or because I’m fearful of my answer.
“I think I could love him. If I let myself,” I say.
“What’s stopping you?” Kate asks.
I avert my eyes downward as I answer. “It seems like betrayal is a common feeling these days. I feel like I would be betraying Kyle or my heart in some way.”
“But if it wasn’t for Kyle?”
“Yes,” I answer as I look up to Kate, and she looks surprised by my quick response. “But my life isn’t black and white.”
“Have you and Dane talked about your feelings?” Kate asks.
I shake my head. “Not really. I think we’re both avoiding that elephant in the room.”
“Ari, you have to try. Otherwise, this will be an even bigger mess than it already is.”
“I know. I’m just not ready.”
Kate holds my gaze for a few seconds before speaking. “Ari, I’m really sorry. For everything,” she whispers.
“I’m sorry too,” I whisper as I step forward and bring Kate in for a hug.
I don’t really know what I’m apologizing for.
My relationship with Dane? Is that what I’m apologizing for?
If that’s the case, it’s not a great feeling.
* * *
Dane
I tell Aria I got caught up at work tonight when she invites me over for dinner. The truth is, I’m not caught up at work. I leave the office at five o’clock on the dot, hop in my Mustang, and drive to a place I’ve been avoiding ever since I started feeling something for Aria.
St. Mary’s Cemetery.
Once I find Kyle’s location, I park my car at the curb, and sit down on the grass in front of his gravestone, elbows resting on bent knees.
“Oh, man.” I sigh as I hang my head downward. “I was looking out for her, Kyle. Making sure she was okay when she moved back here. Making sure she had a friend she could rely on.”
I swallow thickly before continuing. “And somewhere along the way, I started to see her the way you always saw her. Beautiful, smart, funny, witty, goofy, and just a light to be around. Who wouldn’t fall for her?”
I run my hands through my hair trying to collect my thoughts. “I know my words seem insignificant at this point, and I know if I sit here and say I still care for you and think about you, it doesn’t seem believable.”
I feel tears starting to well up behind my eyes and I sniffle before continuing. “But it’s true. I miss you. I miss the life we once had together. You, Aria, me, Trent, and Kate.” A single tear streams down my face as I try to think of my next words. “Things were so much easier, and things made so much sense back then. I’m not even sure Aria and I make sense right now.”
I pause before continuing. “Because I know she still loves you. I can feel it.” Another tear streams down my cheek. “And why wouldn’t she? There’s never going to be anyone like you. You were one of a kind, and I was fortunate enough to be your best friend in our lifetime together. A lifetime cut too short.”
I inhale before I exhale my next words. “I’m sorry if I’ve failed you as a friend.”
I run my hands down my face, pulling myself together, and I just sit and think. Think about how so much has changed, and how things are so complicated now. Then I lie back on the grass and look up at the clear blue sky as I keep Kyle company for the rest of the evening.
