Page 86 of Dove
Just like that, the fight left me. I didn’t want her to catch us together, disheveled and smelling like sex.
Maybe it would be better if he reunited with Stella. He could have her. He could be with her. What could we ever be but secret, stolen moments under the cover of darkness?
“Get Stella out of the rain,” I muttered wearily, stepping out of his reach.
My words were barely audible over the rain as I opened the barn door and escaped into the downpour.
“Happy Birthday, Josh.”
21
DOVE
The rain didn’t let up.
It pounded against my windows long into the night as I tossed and turned until finally, I sat up, convinced I would get no sleep at all.
All I could see when I closed my eyes was Josh and Stella, his body pinning hers like he had mine against the barn wall, his hand down her pants as he?—
I rubbed my tired eyes until stars burst across my vision.
I’d dodged Stella easily, knowing my way around the farm better than her. Her car left shortly after I’d returned to the house, and I’d heard Josh enter not long after, but he made no attempts to seek me out.
I hadn’t wanted to run into him, so I stayed holed up in my room.
Still, a part of me waited for his knock. For his voice to come through my bedroom door. For his insistence to finish what we started.
When it didn’t come, my disappointment bled into hurt. Time and time again Josh proved to me I wasn’t worth the effort.I wasn’t worth fighting for. My body and heart were restless with a variety of emotions: anger, sadness, hurt,longing.
I wished for past times, easier times.
I wished for my mom.
When the rain let up into a fine mist, the clock reading half past three in the morning, I shoved the blankets off me. I wasn’t going to sleep it seemed, and something deep inside me was urging me to get up.
So, I did.
I threw on a lightweight hoodie to protect myself from the damp chill and slipped on my old Crocs. It wasn’t the most flattering outfit, but I wasn’t planning on impressing anyone.
There was no one else in the house but Josh, and he was asleep.
This hour was perfect time alone with just my thoughts for company. Years of living down the hall from our parents crafted my stealth, and I crept easily down the hall, avoiding the creaky step on the stairs. The last thing I wanted was to confront Josh, not when my body felt like a compass, and he was my north—my home.
Before I knew it, I was easing the front door closed behind me and breathing in the fresh, dewy air, treading the gravel lightly, taking care not to make too much noise.
I jumped when a softmeowcame through the darkness.
“Omen,” I whispered with a smile. He blinked his eyes at me, two reflecting orbs in the pale moonlight.
He padded companionably beside me as I trekked to the garage and followed behind me as I entered through the side door.
The garage was big enough to house several cars and a couple of smaller tractors, but with Josh’s SUV out front, his old Chevy sequestered out of sight to the barn, and Gareth’s truck gone, it seemed empty and near cavernous.
Except for the farthest bay, where my mom’s white Range Rover sat.
The bright glow of the moon spilling in through the open door was my only light, but I didn’t need it anyway. The squeak of my wet shoes echoed loudly in the quiet as I made my way over to my mom’s car by memory alone. I paused just beside the driver’s side. She hadn’t driven it in almost a year. Not since she got too sick and the only place she frequented other than home was the hospital. By the time her treatments had started, Gareth had begun driving her everywhere, considering her energy at that point was wiped clear out, even if it hadn’t quite crushed her optimism.
She always believed she’d beat her cancer. We all had.
