Page 14 of Dove
Despite the height difference between us, I drew myself up and sent him my best glare as I responded loftily, “Let’s see if I can beat your record.”
There was plenty more I wished to say, but nothing I’dallowmyself to say. So, with those words hanging between us, I stomped off with my meager breakfast and coffee in hand, ready to get my long day started.
No doubt he’d waited to give me some time to cool down, because I didn’t see Josh until I’d finished feeding the chickens and gathering their eggs. They were pecking away at the ground as I retreated with the handful of eggs I’d collected cradled in my shirt, the hem tucked up to create a protective pouch. I’d get them cleaned and into a carton, grabbing another coffee while I was in the kitchen before I continued with the rest of my chores for the day.
On my way there, though, Josh rounded the house, carrying filled water buckets at his sides.
His tanned forearms bunched as he carried them steady, not spilling a drop, like there hadn’t been a three-year gap in his history of farm chores. My gaze caught on the veins, the way they stood out on his forearms, and I noticed how much more muscled they were now than before. Josh had been just shy of twenty-two when he left, still ungainly tall and lean from the rough work he’d done daily. I hadn’t realized there had been plenty more time for him to grow up and grow into himself.
My gaze snapped back up as he bent to drop them before righting himself, stopping just short of several feet in front of me.
It was unlikely Josh had grown taller, but somehow it seemed like he had. Maybe it was the bulk he’d acquired since I’d last seen him but standing before me, he seemed massive. I was nowhere near what you’d call short, at five-eight myself, but around Josh, I felt almost… dainty.
Which wasnota word anyone would use for me.
We stood there as if in some weird silent shoot out.
His eyes trailed me, as if finally free to take me in. They started at the top of my head, taking in my dark, messy hair, which I cursed myself at forgetting to brush this morning, before advancing downward. His eyes met mine briefly before dropping a notch lower, and I licked at my dry lips. His chest expanded with a breath before his gaze dropped down further.
I knew immediately it’d gone to the thin strip of soft skin displayed above my jeans, where my shirt was pulled up to use as a makeshift basket for the eggs I carried. The urge to suck in my stomach and drop my shirt was strong, but my wish for eggs in the morning was stronger.
Instead, my breath hitched, and the touch that caressed me from his gaze broke away as he averted his eyes.
His voice sounded a touch gruffier than normal when he said, “I’ll handle the horses.”
“No need,” I fired back, curtly. “I was just dropping these off. That’s my next stop.” I made to breeze past him, but he reached out, grabbing my upper arm to stop me.
I froze, his large hand a hot brand along my skin, his proximity like the force of a strong magnet. I wanted nothing more than to give in to it and lean into his touch.
“Dove.” My name came out low, like a warning. “I’m helping you whether you like it or not. This farm is not a one-person job. With my dad gone?—”
His words broke whatever spell his closeness had on me, and I ripped my arm out of his grip, mindful of the eggs.
“I’ll see if I can find a farmhand, then.”
His strong brows drew down. “You’renothiring a farm hand, not while I’m here.”
I whirled to face him as my eyes narrowed into angry slits.
“Is that what you are, Josh?” I mocked unkindly, my voice laced with hostility. “Here? Why is that exactly? Gareth andMom are gone. We’ve laid them to rest and said our goodbyes. So why are you still here?”
Hurt flashed across his face, and a small twist of guilt followed the anger that coursed through me. I’d never liked seeing that look on his face. Which only made me angrier. I shouldn’t feelsorryfor my anger. Not when it was well deserved.
“We haven’t needed you here since you left,” I snapped cruelly. The words coming out of my mouth didn’t match the ones in my heart, but I had to protect myself. I’d never seen him leaving all those years ago coming, and it’d wrecked me. I couldn’t go through that again. “AndIdon’t need you now.Just go.”
There was no reason to get use to his company, to rely on him, not when he’d just leave again. Where would I be then? No, it was better this way, to act like he was already gone.
Before I could stomp away, he stepped in front of me.
“I’m not going anywhere, Dove. You just lost your mom.” His words were soft and gentle and open, as if he wanted me to talk to him about it like I once would have. Tears inexplicably rose in my eyes. That was the part that hurt the most. Ididwant to talk to him.
But that was before he’d left. That was the Josh I thought would nevereverhurt me like he had. This Josh—I couldn’t trust him like I once did.
“And you lost your dad,” I countered in a watery voice. It reminded me that both of us were parentless now. That we truly had nobody but each other, and that we didn’t even have that. A stab of something sharp and painful went through my heart, leaving behind a dull ache in my chest. The need to unleash my fear on him grew overwhelming, the words‘please don’t leave me again’threatening to spill from my lips as emotion clogged my throat.
This conversation was close to becoming too real, too earnest. I didn’t want to have this talk with him. Hardening my voice, I blinked the tears back. “It doesn’t make the world stop spinning, Josh.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed lightly, his hand cradling my elbow, “but maybe you need a break to process?—”
