Page 155 of Dove
“You’re grieving, baby.” One of my hands released hers to brush the back of her head soothingly, pulling her in until her forehead rested on my chest. “Everyone does it differently.”
“So are you.”
Not like you.My grief wasn’t fresh, and my sorrow wasn’t for something I’d lost, but rather for something I’d never had to begin with. I’d spent most of my life in mourning. First for a mother I’d never had the chance of knowing, then for a father who’d never given me the chance to truly know him, either.
The loss I’d experienced was for a connection I never had, rather than one I did. My father passing just cemented the fact I’d never have it and never would. But Dove... she’d lost someone. Multiple someone’s. A father who had adored her. A mother who loved and cared for her. A stepfather who had stepped into a role he’d never played for me.
“I came here to help you, Dove.” I leaned down to give her a chaste kiss on her redden lips. “Among other things.” The knuckles of my hand not holding hers caressed her cheek.
A shy smile tugged at the corner of her lips.
“Let me do this for you,” I nearly pleaded. “Let me take some of this burden.”
“Josh, I don’t...” she hesitated, but I could her what she wasn’t saying.I don’t want to be a burden.
My forehead rested against hers. “Never, baby.”
“Just don’t...pleasedon’t keep this kind of stuff from me because you think I can’t handle it.” Her voice was a soft plea. “Promise me if it’s bad you’ll tell me.”
I was quick to protest, because that’snotwhy I hadn’t mentioned it to her. “That’s not?—”
She threw me a single look that quieted me, her narrowed eyes as molten as melted steel.
“Fine,” I conceded, knowing when to pick and choose my battles with her. “I promise.”
TechnicallyI didn't know how bad it was yet. I had a hunch, but no definitive answer. I’d keep my silence, even if only on a technicality.
She exhaled, a sweet sigh against my lips. “If we’re together, I want to be equals. You can’t protect me forever, Josh.”
I can sure fucking try.
34
DOVE
It wasn’t that I’d forgotten how labor-intensive harvest time could be, but this was honestly the first time I’d been so heavily involved.
Technically this wasn’t the first cut of the season. Late spring was when the first cut came, but Mom had been heavy into doctors' appointments, and it hadn’t left Gareth much time to do anything himself, much less time to teach me how to do it myself, so Gareth had asked his farmer pals to help him out.
At the time, I’d been relieved for their help, but looking back now, I wondered how much it had cost us. Spare time was rarely something a farmer found themselves left with, so while those men might have been Gareth’s buddies, they had most certainly been paid for their time and energy. Especially considering Gareth was allergic to any sort of charity or handouts.
I wiped the back of my arm across my damp forehead, eyes burning at the beads of sweat that had dripped down into them. It was a hot day, but we were lucky for it, considering the unpredictable weather this season. Weather that had held out since the rain had passed, which meant the crop had dried out enough for us to finally begin cutting. The forecast was predictedto hold strong all week, sunny across the board, allowing us to get work done without rushing. With the acreage we had it would make for long days, but nothing we couldn’t handle between the two of us. Josh and I were both confident we could get it all cut and baled before any bad weather had a chance to swoop in and ruin our progress.
He’d left early this morning to begin after we’d done a thorough walkthrough of the tractor yesterday, which had left us tired and grease-stained, eager to fall into bed because we’d be rising earlier than normal to start the day the following morning.
Since I’d been up before the damn sun even had a chance to grace its presence in the sky, I’d gotten a head start on the chores for the day, which meant I had time to check over the rest of the equipment we’d be using after the cutting was done. The tedder in front of me was well-greased, every tine carefully inspected to ensure there would be no issues once it came time to attach and use it. Josh had shown me what to look for before he left, and I was proud of myself for the work I’d put in, my own contribution while he was out there in the field.
I was meant to meet him soon to remind him to take a break and eat some lunch. I cleaned up in the sink downstairs in the mudroom before grabbing the lunch I’d packed for us, slipping the fabric bag over my shoulder as I grabbed Josh’s keys off the hook near the door. My hand automatically bypassed my mom's car keys and the fancy fob hanging out of place beside it, reaching for the old Chevy key instead. Something still twisted at my insides when I saw his shiny Suburban, and there was no way I was driving it out onto the fields. Know my luck I’d probably end up getting the damn thing stuck and waste precious daylight trying to get it out.
No, better to go with old faithful.
I strode across the driveway and chucked our lunch in through the open driver's side window, the bag landing with asoft thud on the passenger side. A disgruntled meow startled me and as I opened the door, Omen’s drowsy, annoyed gaze blinked at me from where he was stretched out across the truck’s seat.
“Really?” I chuckled. I reached over to scoop him up, cradling his lax, sleepy body to my chest as I walked over to the opening of the garage. “You’ll fall asleep anywhere, won’t you?”
I left him on a pile of clean rags, his eyes already closing as I walked away.
The drive to the field Josh was working on was barely a five-minute ride, and predictably, my excitement grew with each mile I got closer to him. The fact I’d seen him just this morning meant nothing, not when I’d grown used to seeing him every day, his presence a constant shadow in my peripheral. The fact there were years where he’d been nothing but a bittersweet memory was agonizing to think about now that I had him back, living every moment of the day with him and sleeping soundly beside him in the cover of night, pressed up against my back like a protective sentinel.
