Page 34 of Dove
Screw my vow to keep distance. I reached for Dove, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to tug her into my side. My laughter shook us both.
“You’re a menace,” I informed her with an amused shake of my head. And I meant it. But…
“That was pretty clever,” I conceded.
Dove didn’t answer, only leaned further into me, a pleased smile curling on her lips, as if my praise was all she needed in the world.
10
DOVE
The first thing I noticed as I woke was something comfy and warm, yet oddly solid, under my cheek. I was more than used to my down feather pillow that practically molded to my head when I laid down at night. What I was lying against was comfortable, sure, but most definitelynotsoft.
I cracked one eye open, my mind waking slowly, groggily, as if from a deep, sated sleep—a rarity for me. The flickering glow of the muted living room TV met my gaze, too bright in the surrounding darkness, and I shut my eye again against the glare, thinking.
I was downstairs.
Whywas I downstairs?
Giving myself time to wake up, I snuggled deeper into the cozy warmth below me, freezing as I rose with subtle up and down movements, a steady heartbeat pulsing under my ear.
Both my eyes flew open, panic seizing me at the realization of what—no, who—I’d been sleeping on. The night before came rushing back in vivid detail: Josh and I sitting down to eat, choosing a movie, the comfort of a full belly, and the soothingpresence of him beside me, lulling me to sleep before the opening scenes had even finished.
Frozen in fear, I momentarily held my breath, waiting to see if my stirring had woken Josh. When his breathing remained even, I let out a silent sigh and relaxed, his quiet, barely audible snores evidence he was still asleep. The fact I was so comfortable made it difficult to gather the willpower to move, a part of me content to stay right where I was, pressed against him. It’d been years since I’d last seen Josh, even longer since I’d been this close to him, surrounded by his familiar, comforting smell, his skin near enough to mine to feel the heat it gave off.
I wanted to sigh and burrow deeper, but I knew not only that I shouldn’t, but Icouldn’t.
We weren’t teenagers anymore, attached at the hip and spending every day working together on the farm. We were adults, distanced from one another by so many adult things like time and hurt and?—
And the fact you want to get dicked down by him, my treacherous inner voice supplied. It sounded suspiciously like Reverie.
I frowned against the hard chest under me and slowly pulled away. I wiped at my mouth self-consciously, hoping I hadn’t drooled. God, how embarrassing wouldthatbe?
As I sat up, my eyes trailed over his peacefully slumbering face. Josh wasn’t old by any means, only about three years older than me, really, but he looked so much younger in his sleep. Since I’d met him, he always carried the air of someone older than he actually was. At first, I’d assumed hewasolder, but I’d learned age held no bearing on why he acted mature.
Josh had been dealt a similar fate as me, touched by the harsh realities of life and forced to grow up too quickly in dealing with them. I could commiserate, knowing all too well the unfairness of loss. But as I’d grown closer to Josh, learned hishurts and the feelings he kept buried, I realized it wasn’t just the past that haunted him.
It was what he carried from the tragedy instead—a grief so deep it could never heal, and a misplaced resentment that drove a wedge through an already fractured family.
Those were the things that had aged Josh so much, deepened the lines of his face and chased the youth from his spirit. It was one of the reasons why every laugh that fell from his lips felt like a victory to me. Every smile a prize. Neither one of us had been laughing much when we first met, but it was all we did in those last few years before he left. Somehow, we’d healed one another. It’s why his leaving had created such a deep wound in me.
But I didn’t want to think about that right now, not about his leaving, or about his tentative return.
I wanted to sit here and simplybein this moment, beside him, to watch as he peacefully slept on, wondering what he was dreaming about behind those closed eyelids. His hair had dried funny from his shower, smooshed slightly from where his head was titled back along the sofa.
He’ll have a crick in his neck for sure.
But I didn’t dare move him.
Feeling emboldened by the freedom his sleep gave me, my eyes trailed lower over his smooth forehead, down to the dark lashes fanned against his cheeks. A scatter of freckles, gifted by the sun, dotted his skin, and I itched to press a kiss to every last one. I resisted, letting my gaze wander on. If simple freckles could tempt me, they were nothing compared to the pull of his lips—dusty pink, the bottom just a touch fuller than the top, as if daring someone to take a bite.
God, I wanted so badly for it to be me.
It reminded me of the summer of my freshman year, when I’d crept around the side of the barn, lured by the huskiness in Josh’s voice, and annoyed by Stella’s answering high-pitchedgiggle. Spying, I’d leaned around the corner only to find Josh pinned to the wall. I’d watched with bated breath as she raised up on her tiptoes, teasing him with a lewd kiss before falling back on her heels.
Josh’s lip still trapped between her teeth.
His low groan had me swinging myself back around the corner, heart racing, pressing myself against the barn in shock. A heat so different than the sun grew inside me, and a deep throb had me squirming in a way I didn’t quite understand, but was beginning to.
