Page 60 of Dove
“Kind of seems like itis.”
She had me there. Itwashappening. I just had no idea why or how orwhatit even meant.
“I—” I didn’t know what to say. But I knew what I was feeling, so I started there. “I’m still so mad at him for leaving, Rev.” I blew out an uneven breath, collecting my thoughts. Reverie watched me patiently. Lettingmetake my time now, like I’d done for her earlier.
“I don’t know what we’re doing,” I admitted in a soft voice, my gaze on the worn leather of the sofa. “What I felt was only ever supposed to bemine.Myfeelings. But I’m starting to realize that maybe it’s always been mutual and it’s freaking me out. We can’t be together.” I looked up at her. “Can we?”
She remained quiet, as if she knew I didn’t really expect an answer, but her hazel eyes radiated love and support, so I kept going.
“I’m relieved he’s back,” I confessed, “but I’m scared he’ll leave again. I’m scared he’ll stay. I’m scared we’ll start something we can’t stop, and it’ll consume us. I’m afraid of what will happen when it does.” I squeezed my eyes tightly to avoid the tears that pricked behind them. “I don’t have much left to lose, but I’m scared of losing it anyway.”
When I opened my eyes, Reverie’s own glistened wetly, shining from the streams of sunlight coming in through the living room windows.
“Oh, babe,” she breathed, engulfing me in a hug. I let her, burying my face in her hair as I sunk into her embrace. Gathered up close to my best friend, I felt safe and comforted, but it gave me the deepest ache for it to be my mother’s arms instead.
A sob broke from my chest, and Reverie rocked me, petting at my hair and shushing me.
“I’m not a mess, Rev,” I choked out. “I’m a full-ondisaster.”
She pressed her cheek to the top of my head. “You’re going through a lot. You’re in the process ofgrieving. That would overload anyone, Dove.”
I sniffled against her and forced my tears to stop. I needed to pull myself together. Despite the last few weeks, I wasn’t normally this much of a leaky faucet. When they finally slowed, I leaned back, wiping at my face.
Contemplation crossed Reverie’s face.
“Some things are worth fighting for.” She rose one shoulder in a half shrug. “You have to ask yourself if this is.” She hit me with an intense stare. “Ifheis.”
I opened my mouth—to saywhatexactly? I didn’t have a clear answer. I knew what my heart wanted, but my brain knew better. Emotions clouded my judgment easily when it came to Josh, they always had.
Rev tucked a piece of hair that hang in my face behind my ear and smiled sadly. “You know it won’t be easy.”
She didn’t need to say why. There was a whole town filled with people and their judgements that explained why it wouldn’t be wise to start this. Two fresh graves and a handful of adolescent years raised together that outlined why it was avery bad idea.
I was aware of all of that.
“But.” A hopeful smile curled on her lips. “If he’s worth fighting for—and all the best things are—thenfight for him.”
My eyebrows lifted, surprised by the sudden intensity in her voice.
“You said you’re scared he’ll leave,” Rev reminded me. “Let’s make sure he doesn’t want to.”
Reverie always had a way of pulling me in, intriguing me until I was indulging her. It’d been happening ever since we met. It was no different now.
All right,I’ll bite. “How do we do that?”
Reverie arms crossed as she leaned back into the arm of the couch, a manicured hand tapping thoughtfully against her chin.
It took her all of a minute before she was snapping her fingers. “Aha! His birthday’s soon, right?”
“Tomorrow,” I confirmed, surprised she remembered. I told her as much.
She waved dismissively. “It popped up on Facebook earlier, reminding me. Remember he has one from back when we tried to integrate him into the world of social media?”
A laugh punched out of me. Of course, I remembered. Reverie and I had plunked him down in front of my laptop and all but held him against his will as we forced him to peck away at the keys, creating a Facebook he’d only used a handful of times.
I should know, I’d checked it religiously after he left. There hadn’t been a fresh profile picture or a new post in years. All I’d hoped for was the tiniest of updates,somethingto go on, but all I’d gotten was an empty timeline and an even emptier heart.
Reverie waggled a finger only a few inches from my face.
