Page 71 of Brett and Rowdy
“What do you want to know?” Rowdy could tell him everything—from who worked there and how many buildings there were, to how many head of cattle there were in the high meadows and what horses were running where.
He couldn’t tell Brett what it looked like anymore, probably, but?—
He stopped and it occurred to him, in two years, he would have been blind half of his life. That was wild. The sighted part of his life seemed like it had taken a lot longer. Maybe he was just really busy.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I just…” He shrugged and felt his cheeks heat. Lord have mercy, he was being stupid, just stupid. “I just realized all of a sudden how long it had been since I could see.”
“You said what, fifteen years?”
He nodded, not sure if he was mad or proud. “Give or take, yeah.”
Brett took his hand and squeezed it. “I can’t imagine; you were just a baby.”
“Yeah, two years older than Maddie. And it was just like turning out a light. I didn’t even think that was a thing, man.” Rowdy twined their fingers together, both of them holding on, and it felt so damn good. “I hit hard enough that it snapped my optical nerves, and literally, I went from not even wearing glasses to not being able to see in a millisecond.”
“Do you remember it?”
Rowdy shook his head. “No. I got hit hard enough that I was out for a while. I remember loading up on the bronc to ride, and I remember waking up more than a week later.”
“That’s the wildest thing I’ve ever heard of in my whole life.” Rowdy could tell Brett was listening, not simply hearing him, but listening. “It sucks, I’m sorry.”
“It did suck. I mean, it still sucks. But it’s like I told my gran—I can only be so mad for so long. It eats at you, that kind of pain and fury, it just literally eats at you until you’ve got nothing left. And I have a whole life left. My family, the ranch which youasked me to tell you about, and you just ask a question and I’ll answer it.”
“How long has the ranch been in the family? Since this place has been settled?”
“My people are all native New Mexicans since like the 1600s.” The Durans had been given this place by people that didn’t own it to give.
“That’s… I can’t even imagine. No wonder you wanted to come back here so bad, way back when. You were born and bred to work this place.” There was an awe in Brett’s voice, and Rowdy nodded, because it sounded like maybe Brett got it now. “It wasn’t about me at all.”
“That’s it.” He traced all the familiar patterns and scars on the big table, letting himself be honest, really breathe into his truth. “I mean, I didn’t leave because I didn’t care to stay with you, I didn’t even leave because I hated Gomillion. I was a teenager, man. I was mad at my mom for marrying the asshole. I was furious at her for moving us to South Carolina, but she could have moved us to Hollywood and I would have been pissed off. Hell, she could have moved us to some magical place that was the most perfect place on heaven or earth, and I would have been pissed off and wanting to leave.”
Brett settled next to him, staying close enough to feel his breath. “That more than makes sense, honey.”
“I’m glad. You have to understand, I was mad that I wasn’t with my dad. I felt lost and alone. Now I’m not. I’m home.”
“I wish—I wish I could have been enough to make you happy.”
But that wasn’t a thing. He’d been in a terrible place. He’d been wild. Hell, he’d been the epitome of reckless. “Like I said, it wasn’t about you. I believed all the pain and shit I was going through could be fixed by being here. This is a good place, and I was born and raised here, and this is home. I had to get out ofGomillion and to come here, come home, and be able to fix what was wrong with me.”
“There wasn’t anything wrong with you, man.” Brett patted him, so careful, like he might shatter.
“I know that now, but I had to get away from her to see it.”
“Do you talk to her?”
Rowdy shook his head. “Nope.”
“Does she ever try to get hold of you? It’s not like she doesn’t know where you are.”
“No, and I’m not interested. She and I said awful things to each other the night I left. She told me I was the biggest mistake of her life, that if I left, I could never come home. I realize it was twenty years ago, but at best, we had a toxic relationship. At worse, she’s just a bitch, and I’m not sure that I want to be the kind of person who thinks his mother’s a bitch.” But he was. And he still thought she was atrocious.
“Do you think this whole thing with Madison and Ash, was that because of your mom?” Those words were almost a whisper.
“Did I do it to get back at her? To embarrass her and her husband? There’s a part of me that would like to say no, that I did it because I’m a good guy and I wanted to do something for my friend and because somehow in my soul, God spoke to me and told me that this was going to be my chance to have my baby girl. And I do think all of those things were part of it, but do I think fucking her over and embarrassing her and her husband were a huge part of it? I’m not a teenager anymore. I can admit that, yeah.”
“Yeah, we all do shit we’re maybe not proud of, but at the time, it feels good.” Brett blew out a breath. “Look at me. I treated you like shit back in the day. All I really had to do was ask, right? But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
