Page 3 of Take My Heart
‘It’s not too late,’ I say, pushing his hands off me. ‘I tried to feel differently. I tried to love you like I should, but I couldn’t.’ I sigh. ‘Cam, I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t even remember what it’s like to be me. Ever since we started dating back in college, I’ve changed to become what I thought youwanted. I didn’t realize until just a few weeks ago that I’m losing myself, and that if I stay with you, I’ll lose myself for good.’
‘What the hell are you talking about? You’re about to have a life most other girls could only dream of. You’re seriously going to give that up?’
‘If it means being able to be myself again and not live my life as someone else, then yes.’
‘Be yourself. What the fuck does that even mean?’
I pause to think of an example. ‘Remember that time I was dancing in the kitchen when you were making dinner?’
‘Yeah, you knocked over the wine glass and stained my shirt,’ he says, sounding annoyed. ‘That was a $200 shirt.’
‘It was an accident. I was just trying to have fun. Be playful.’
‘You were being careless. And look what happened. You broke a glass and ruined my shirt, not to mention you could’ve been hurt by the knife I was using to cut the chicken.’
‘Cam, this is what I’m saying. That girl who was dancing was me. The real me, not the one you fell in love with.’
He shakes his head. ‘This is fucking ridiculous. We’ve got 500 people waiting. You need to get back out there and finish the ceremony.’
As usual, he’s not listening. What I’m saying and feeling doesn’t matter to him.
‘I need to go.’ I race over to the small suitcase that has the clothes and shoes I wore to the church this morning. I gather up my makeup and hair tools and toss them in the suitcase.
Harry knocks on the door. ‘Cam! You better get out here! Dad’s coming down the hall and he looks pissed.’
I look back and see Cam going out to the hall. ‘Dad, we just need a few minutes.’
‘People are waiting!’ his dad yells. ‘Do you know how this looks?’
‘You handle shit like this for a living,’ Cam says. ‘Can’t you just go make an announcement until I work this out?’
Cam’s parents own a crisis management firm. They’re both lawyers for high-profile clients like musicians and professional athletes who do things that get them in trouble. Before those indiscretions hit the press, Blair and Spencer Cartwright sweep in and make them disappear. It’s why they’re paid such exorbitant fees that allow them to buy sailboats and vacation homes and pay for a wedding that cost $300,000.
‘What the hell is Kate’s problem?’ Spencer, Cam’s father, asks. ‘Is she sick?’
‘It’s just nerves,’ Cam says. ‘I’ll talk to her.’
‘Fine,’ Spencer says with a huff. ‘I’ll see what I can do, but hurry up! The longer this continues, the worse it looks.’
Cam comes back into the room. ‘Dad’s going to stall for us.’
‘I’m not going back out there.’ I zip up my suitcase and grab my purse, then walk over to Cam. ‘I need to go.’
‘You’re not seriously leaving,’ he says, glancing down at my suitcase. ‘Kate, this is insane! We’re getting married!’
I shake my head. ‘I can’t do it. I’m sorry.’
‘So what are you doing to do? Go back to my apartment? You expect me to live with you after this?’
‘We don’t live together. I live here and you live in DC.’
‘That’s only temporary. It’s for my job.’
‘It’s been over a year. You kept promising me you’d move back, but you’re still there.’
He grips my shoulder and leans down to me. ‘I’m doing this for our future. You think it’s easy to get into politics? The only way I’ll be a senator someday is by doing what I’m doing now. Working in DC. Learning the system. Meeting the right people.’
‘But why did you have to do it alone? Why didn’t you let me move there with you? Why did you insist I stay here?’
