Page 115 of Choosing a Forever
I don’t know what I believe about the after-life, but I hope if they’re watching over me, they’re content with how my life is going.
I wish they were here to be part of it.
Chapter 40
Talmage
26 years old…
Jamie sighs for the tenth time in fifteen minutes, so I set my drawing tools down to give her my full attention. I wish she’d just ask me to talk instead of leaving me to guess when something is wrong.
“What’s up, James?” I grip her ankle lightly where it’s resting next to mine on the couch.
“Are we going to talk about the email you got?”
Email?
“What email? Wait, why were you looking at my email?” I don’t feel the need to hide anything from Jamie. I’d show her whatever she wants on my phone, but it feels strange for her to poke around my email without asking. I don’t think I like it.
Jamie rolls her eyes. “Your phone was on the counter when the email came in, and I saw it. Were you not going to tell me you applied for a job with the Springville FD?”
“I didn’t apply. They approached me with a job offer, but I don’t plan on moving back to Utah.”
“Maybe you should.”
‘You.’Not‘we.’
“What are you talking about?” I thought things were good. Sure, Jamie’s been hesitant to set a wedding date, and she clams up whenever I ask, but… she agreed to marry me. She wouldn’t say yes if she didn’t want to get married.
Right?
Jamie stands from the couch, crossing her arms over chest and pacing the room. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Do what?”
“I can’t marry you, Talmage.”
The words should feel like a sucker punch. I should be devastated and confused, but instead, I feel… a little numb. A little relieved even. Does that make me a bad person?
“Can I ask why?” I feel like it’s fair to know.
“For one, your job. I don’t like you putting yourself in danger. I can’t live my life knowing you could die at any minute.”
I don’t tell hereveryoneis at risk of death. It doesn’t matter what their job is.
Jamie continues, “For another, sometimes it feels like you’re not fully in this. Every time I try to take things past making out, you stop it. Are you not attracted to me?”
My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. “I’m not risking our eternal marriage just to—to get off. I thought we were on the same page about that. I thought you wanted to get married in the temple.”
“Ido.But I also want to feel like my fiancé is attracted to me!” Jamie lets her arms fall down to her sides, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “I think we’re too different. I think you should take the job and move back to Utah. I know you want to be closer to your family, and Ican’t see myself leaving California. This ismyhome town. Not yours.”
“That’s it? It’s over? There’s nothing I can do to help ease your mind?”
She shakes her head. “We deserve happiness, Talmage. I don’t think we’ll find that in each other. Let me know if you need help moving out.”
I don’t know what to say, so I nod.
Jamie slips the engagement ring off her finger and hands it to me before gathering her stuff and walking towards the door. She stops and turns to me. “I hope you find the love you're looking for, Talmage. I’m sorry it can’t be me.” Then, she’s gone.
