Page 77 of Choosing a Forever

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I don’t want her to feel like I’m cheating, even if our marriage is fake.

I stand, cursing the wet patch which has only grown and hobble to our bedroom to change out of my underwear and sweats before I limp up the stairs to the kitchen.

Mack’s just turning around holding a plate with a bomb looking sandwich and a bag of chips. She jumps a little when she sees me.

“Tal, what are you doing? I said I’d bring you your sandwich.”

“I’m not cheating on you!” I blurt out. “I mean, I-I don’t want you to feel like I’m cheating on you.”

Her brows furrow. “I didn’t think you were? What are you talking about?”

“The porn. You seem upset, and I want to have a conversation about it. I don’t want to hurt you, and if you’re hurt—”

“I’m not hurt, Talmage,” she interrupts. “I’m just… I was shocked. To see it on your phone after seeing what you were reading… I mean, you’re an adult. I don’t think porn is a bad thing as long as a relationship isn’t compromised for it, it was just… surprising. Besides, we’re not…you know.You probably have needs. So it makes sense you’d be…” She waves her hand around in the air and makes a vague jerking off gesture.

“I’ve only started since we got married,” I murmur.

“What?”

“I never… masturbated until we got married.”

Chapter 28

Mackenzie

15 years old…

Ishould have known when I woke up late this morning that today would be crappy. Nothing’s gone right. I got an F on my physics homework, and I spilled chocolate milk on my light pink shirt at lunch, so I’ve been walking around with a brown patch all day.

Now, Talmage is walking towards me on the bus looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.

I paste on a smile. “Hey, Tal! How was your chem test?”

He sits frozen like a statue, like he isn’t processing what I’m saying. I touch his arm, and his face turns beet red.

Is he okay? Should I call someone?

He clears his throat. “We shouldn’t do this anymore.”

My ears start ringing as soon as the words register.

No, no, no. This can’t be happening.

“Do… what?” I whisper. I want him to say it. I need to know for sure he’s saying what I think he’s saying.

“This. Us. What we’re doing. We both need to focus on school. I never should have kissed you or taken it this far because it’s against the rules. I have to prepare to go on mymission, and we should date other people. Maybe when we’re older, and we—”

“Stop. Please don’t.” My eyes fill with tears, and I blink them away. “Don’t give me hope of something in the future because you know I’d wait. If you’re ending it, just end it. Don’t give me hope.”

I would say no to every person who asks me on a date between now and when he comes home if it meant we’d have a chance.

“Firefly, I’m sorry.” His face is pinched with hurt as he tries to grab my hand.

“Please don’t call me that anymore.” I hug my backpack, hoping it can act as a shield. I want to ask him to move spots. To leave me alone, but the bus is already moving, and the driver will yell at him if he gets up.

Talmage and I don’t speak for the rest of the ride home. I put in my headphones and let the tears fall silently.

I walk home from the bus stop, wiping my nose as the tears fall faster, and when I’m finally home, I crumple into a heap on my bed.