Page 67 of With This Witch
Pleased with their progress this morning, Lachlan musters up his courage and asks Petra what he’s been dying to know, hoping he won’t undo everything they have just worked through.
“Why are you so scared to let people get close to you?”
Petra lets loose a breath with a low whistling sound. He watches as she picks up her spoon and stirs her coffee even though there’s nothing to mix in. “I don’t mean to keep people at a distance,” she finally says, looking down at the table, avoiding his gaze. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently, and I think it’s something I do instinctively to protect myself.”
“Makes sense. Probably easier to do than manifest a shield all the time,” he responds, trying to keep a bit of lightness present in their conversation.
She responds with a small smile, barely lifting the corners of her mouth. “Yes.”
“Why do you feel you need to protect yourself?”
She thinks for a moment before answering. “I’ve been hurt quite a bit in my past. From my dad abandoning me to my mother dying to bad boyfriends who have ghosted me when they felt things getting too serious. It all adds up and makes me not want to let myself go, to get too attached, because ultimately, everyone seems to leave me. Honestly, the most stable person I have had in my life has been Gammy, and don’t get me wrong, I love her dearly, but at times, I feel like her taking care of me is more out of obligation than love.”
Lachlan leans forward, placing his hands over hers. She lifts her eyes to meet his, and he sees the pain and discomfort in her expression. But she’s letting him in, he’s grateful she lets him know a piece of her. He doesn’t take this glimpse into her for granted.
He doesn’t want to make her retreat again, so he chooses his words carefully. “I can understand why you feel that everyone leaves. You’ve had a challenging past. But I have to ask, if you approach every relationship expecting people to leave, aren’t you already pushing them out the door before giving them a chance?”
Petra holds his gaze and tilts her head to the side, contemplating his question. He sees the moment the realization hits.
“I hadn’t thought of it that way before, that I wasn’t giving people a chance. I was only setting them up to prove me right, and they did because I structured it that way. Hmm… Interesting.” She removes one of her hands from under his, picks up her glass, and takes a sip. Placing it back on the table, she says, “I guess I’ve been my own cockblock in a way.”
“That’s not how I would put it, but yeah,” he laughs.
Petra goes quiet, looking down at their hands. She looks back at him and says, “Okay. My turn for a question.”
“Fire away.”
“Why are you never in your demon form?”
“I wouldn’t saynever,” he says, drawing out never into multiple syllables as he winks at her.
“Okay, yes, the horns have come out to play a couple of times.” She smirks at the memory. “But the only time I’ve seen you even close to your full form was the night of the agreement. But you stopped yourself before you fully shifted. Why?”
“The short answer: I didn’t like who I was when I was regularly in that form.”
“What’s the long answer?” she asks, running her thumb along the side of his hand.
Lachlan looks out the window, watching the people and cars pass by in the rain. A little boy jumps into a puddle, laughing as he splashes his parent’s leg. The parent shakes their head but laughs along with him. Still looking out the window, he begins, “You know who my father was, right?” She nods her head. “Damian was a hard man. He treated most things in life like a business, and when business didn’t go his way, he needed an enforcer. When I was old enough and strong enough to fight, that was me. I enforced his rule for most of my teen years and early twenties. If people didn’t pay their monthly dues, they met with me, and I usually left them beaten while I walked out with a fist full of money. I was regularly praised for my size, speed, and ability to charm others. Having the power of shadows certainly helped, as they can be quite…intimidating.” He pauses, taking a deep breath.
“Through this line of… work, I met Selene and Viktor, two truly heinous leaders in the underworld who were close friends of my father and ultimately ended up on his staff. I was quickly loaned out to them and sent out as an enforcer for them as well. Only they wanted more than just beatings. I refused to do anything else, though they continued to try.” His voice becomes low and hard as he reaches back into his memory, unearthing the events he has worked hard to leave behind. “I don’t use my demon form, and generally don’t come down here now unless I have to, which is rare. It reminds me of the unhappy being I no longer wish to be.”
“Wow. I’m sorry, I had no idea,” Petra says, running her hand up and down his arm, trying to comfort him. She may not let people close to her, but she cares for others wholeheartedly.
“Yeah.” He sighs. “I don’t talk about it for obvious reasons.”
“So what happened? How did you end up in Leeside?”
“I started to have a conscience.” He laughs humorlessly, more to himself. “I started questioning why I was hired for these jobs and what I wanted for life. Being Damian’s son meant that the world was open to me. I could do or be anything I wanted because no one in their right mind would say no to Damian.” He scoffs. “I also stopped completing the jobs, allowing clients to get away or not pay. Selene and Viktor began questioning why there were so many issues. They found out I was purposefully failing. Damian defended me, but I didn’t want to carry on his legacy. I wanted my own. So I left. I had visited Leeside many times as an enforcer and was always drawn to it. So I settled there and started the bar. But then Damian died. They needed a new demon council representative, and per tradition and all the bloodline shit, I was next in line. You know how it is.”
He can’t remember the last time he shared this side of himself. It’s not a time he’s proud of, and he hates to think of how others will see him when they know the whole story. But he likes to think he has changed.
“Do you think less of me now?” he asks tentatively.
Without hesitation, Petra says, “Absolutely not. Your past does not make who you are. That’s what you were trying to tell me, right? So, how can I judge you?”
She sees him. Lachlan has been so afraid of letting her know this side of him. But he can’t deny the warm sensation in his chest as she willingly accepts him. All of him. Without question or suggestion for alterations. He’s never had that with anyone he’s been with. Becoming her husband seems to have been the best decision he ever made.
After what seems like hours, the waitress finally brings their bill, and Lachlan pays, giving Petra a look suggesting she better pull her hand back when she reaches for it. Petra turns to him as they put their coats back on and says, “So… Sloan.”
