Page 43 of My Favorite Secret
“She knew.”
“I want to believe she did, but I don’t know.”
“I understand the feeling,” he says softly, meeting my eyes. “I have a lot of guilt over how I treated your mother. Ibarely remember my mom. My father is never around. Clara was the only positive parental figure in my life and I shut her out. The last conversation I had with her, she told me she loved me like her own son and she’d never give up on me. I said the most fucked up things in return.”
We both made mistakes in varying ways, but Felix understands the pain I’m feeling. He doesn’t try to sugarcoat anything or make me feel better. He lets me live in my emotions. I’ve never felt as bonded with him as I do in this moment.
My lips find their way to his. As with our first kiss in Felix’s car, he doesn’t kiss me back, even though I can feel from how hard he is between my legs that he wants this. There’s reservation in him, probably questioning whether fooling around is the right decision during our grief.
“You made me feel good that day in the car when you picked me up from ballet,” I murmur against his lips. “I want you to make me feel good again. Make me forget everything except you.Please. You asked me to beg you that day. Felix, this is me begging you to fuck me.”
He holds my cheek gently, but the dark look in his eyes clashes. “We can’t have sex, Harper. Not tonight. Not while your grief is so fresh.”
“Please.” I kiss him again. “Don’t treat me like I’m delicate. I’m not.”
My hand slides down between us, desperate to feel his hardness. Right before I wrap my fingers around him, Felix groans, flipping me onto my back. He pins both my wrists above my head in one hand. His other hand clasps my jaw, all while he thrusts between my legs, as good as fucking me if my panties weren’t still on.
My breath hitches at the tight hold he has me in. Myhips work in time with him, meeting his every thrust, the friction building a delicious heat low within me.
“That’s it,” he praises. “Look at you, just as desperate for my cock as the last time. You love having my hand around your neck. I almost forgot you like being treated like the good slut that you secretly are. My little freak. Myperfectfreak. Don’t bury this side of yourself to please others. You shine brightest when you let go and take what you want.”
“Please, take my panties off.”
He thrusts again. “We’ll fuck eventually, once the grief has lessened. I told you that day in my car, you’ll sneak into my room every night. You’ll let me teach you how to ride my cock. You’ll take it in every hole too. But not tonight. When I fuck you, it won’t be because you need a distraction. I won’t take any chances of you waking up tomorrow, regretting your choices.”
“There’s no way I could regret?—”
Before I get the chance to finish speaking, Felix pulls my night dress over my head, just as quickly lowering my panties, leaving me naked beneath him.
“You don’t know how many times I’ve tried to visualize you naked,” he rasps, leaning back on his heels to drink in the sight of me.
It’s the first time I’ve been naked in front of a guy, and the hunger I see in his eyes as they rake over me has me burning up. I’m soaking wet, just as enthralled by his body.
“You’re more beautiful than I ever imagined. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve stroked my cock, draining it over the thought of you.”
He’s beautiful too, in a masculine way, with muscles defined in the moonlight. Intricate tattoosthat I’ve yet to study. My gaze trails down, stopping at the thick length of his cock, standing up straight and glistening with pre-cum.
My core muscles clench with anticipation. I try to imagine how it will feel to have him inside me. He’s so big and long, I know it will hurt. But I don’t care. I need to be full. I need it to be Felix. And I need him every day.
He bends down and brings my nipple into his mouth. I clutch his shoulders, gasping at the pleasure that bursts through me. My legs tighten around his waist, and I feel the tip of his cock press against my entrance.
“Fuck, Harper,” he groans, dragging his dick along the entire length of my slit. He looks down at his cock as he repeats the motion, shuddering as he strokes the head over my clit. “I could slip it in right now.”
“Please.” I arch into him, my hips lifting, searching for his cock. “I’m on the pill.”
“I know. I plan to fuck you raw.”
I’m so swept up in the heat of his words that it takes me a few moments to register the red flag. Other than my parents, I’ve never told a soul that I’m on the pill. Not even Tyler. The medication was a decision made when I was fourteen, due to painful periods. And yet Felix is somehow aware.
“How do you know I’m on the pill?”
“I…” He strokes his cock over my entrance again, almost making me forget my concern. “I saw you take it one day.”
Impossible. I take the pill every morning, alone in my bathroom when applying skincare.
Placing a hand on Felix’s chest, I gently push space between us to look in his eyes. “Did you go through my things?”
His silence is enough of an answer.
