Page 54 of My Favorite Secret
My inner muscles clench around his fingers at the confession. I’m so sensitive from the orgasm I was about to have moments ago, it won’t take much to make me come.
“I was thinking about you too,” I whimper. “Both of you.”
“That’s my good girl.” His fingers are rough and relentless with me, pushing me closer to my peak. “Have you let Tyler fuck you with his fingersyet?”
I shake my head, my words breathless. “I want to but I’m scared.”
“I’ll tell you again, you’re not going to lose Tyler. Ride his cock, then come ride mine. My brother has the bluest balls over you. He needs his cock taken care of. You need him too.”
Felix’s words are thrilling and everything I want to hear. At the same time, they’re so wrong. I can’t be with two men, let alone two brothers. How cantheybe happy with this arrangement? It’s far too intimate for brothers.
“He’d fuck you so good, Harper. Perhaps I’ll watch. I know how you like being watched. You’ve always loved dancing for an audience. You want to have sex with an audience too, don’t you? You’d look so pretty getting fucked. I’d jerk off while watching you be filled with his cum.”
The thought of Felix watching me having sex with Tyler pushes me over the edge and I’m suddenly coming on his fingers so hard that I black out for a second and have to be held upright.
Felix trails kisses along my jaw as I work hard to catch my breath. When the last shudders of my orgasm subside, I slip back to reality, able to stand on my own again. He retrieves my wet panties from the floor and pockets them to keep for himself. I don’t mind, and lean against the bookshelf, dazed and smiling as I watch him, addicted to this man.
The high instantly fades. This is the third time Felix and I have been intimate without Tyler knowing and it feels wrong.
Felix tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “You and Tyler have a lot more in common than you think. Deep down, he’s just as much of a freak as you. He’s been suppressingthat side of himself because he’s trying to be the man you want. Tyler would do or be anything for you. Show him who you really are. Harper, he is so goddamn in love with you.”
Felix’s words are supposed to be encouragement, but I frown, saddened that Tyler feels he can’t be his true self with me. I haven’t been honest about myself either. I’ve spent so many years suppressing the sexual side within me because it feels like a sin.
I can’t imagine speaking these taboo fantasies to Tyler. It’s embarrassing and doesn’t fit our dynamic. Maybe Felix is the only person who can bring out this side of me because there was no transition from friends to sex with him. For us, it was angst that led us to this place.
The realization brings up questions for Felix I’ve been avoiding. We haven’t spoken about what this is between us and where it’s heading. We’re caught in a stagnant phase where our life is consumed with grief and we’re finding comfort in each other. But time will pass. Life will move on. The issues that made us fall apart all those years ago will once again return.
I look up into Felix’s eyes, nervous as I ask the important questions. “You’re pushing for me and Tyler to be together, but what about us? How doyoufeel about me? How are we going to last?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
FELIX
Her cheeks are flushed from the orgasm I gave her. She looks up at me with a dazed smile, spent and breathless in the dark library. So fucking perfect. I rest a forearm on the bookshelf above her head, my free hand stroking her cheek.
She’s asking me how I feel about her.
I weave our fingers, pressing our scars together. “I’m not the gentle, romantic kind who talks about his feelings. I like to show how I feel. Actions are stronger than words.”
Harper raises an unimpressed brow. “You treated me terribly for years.”
“I was angry. Have the last few weeks not shown you how much I care? I’ll spend all my time from here on making it up to you.”
She frowns, which is the last thing I expect from her. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
The dazed moment between us instantly feels tense. Harper retrieves her hand from mine. Her voice is frail. “I’m scared to let you in any closer. There’s a lot we haven’t spoken about. I haven’t wanted to talk about it because Iknow it will be a difficult conversation. Maybe it will mean the end of whatever this is between us.”
I take her hand in mine again, needing to have her close. “Harper, whatever you’re about to say, it won’t be the end of us. I won’t let it happen.”
“You say that but I don’t know. The reason we fell apart is because you got involved with a bad crowd. You’re with me now but it feels like you’re not truly mine. There’s something inside here—” She places her hand on my heart. “Something inside you that feels out of my reach. You’re a free spirit. You don’t live by the rules the rest of us do. You have a tattoo that saysI’d rather be lucky than good, as a reminder to live a wild life. You’re like a mirage, Felix. Too good to be true. I feel like you could slip from my hands so easily and I’ll lose you all over again.”
I scoop her up and wrap her thighs around my waist, then lower myself to the ground, resting my back against a bookshelf. “Harper, you’re not going to lose me.”
“I am. I know I will.” Her voice is so sad, it hurts to hear.
“How?”
