Page 9 of My Favorite Secret
I pull my legs free from Tyler’s hands. “He was off with his friends doing drugs—is that what you were going to say?”
He shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “Not exactly. It’s a version of the truth. Harp, I can’t tell you.”
“You said you weren’t getting involved.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You’re keeping secrets from me when you’ve never kept secrets before. I know you two are close, but he frustrates me. You’re too good to get caught up in that shit. What is he doing with his life? He’s been made to repeat his senior year because he ditched school so much. He’s off to a great start, ditching his first day. Is he going to be stuck repeating his senior year forever? And the people he hangs around. I don’t like them at all. Honestly, they scare me.Hescares me?—”
I cut myself off, feeling guilty for talking so poorly about Felix to Tyler. Without a mother, and a father who is never around, I know how bonded all the Blackwood brothers are to each other, Tyler and Felix especially, and I don’t want to take that bond away from Tyler.
“I’m sorry,” I say, meaning it. “I shouldn’t have said all those things about Felix. Especially the part about him scaring me. It would give him so much pleasure to know I’m frightened of him.”
Scratch that. I don’t think Felix would care at all. I mean nothing to him. I don’t know why his disinterest hurts somuch when I’ve had years to adjust to this new dynamic of ours.
My silence is heavy. Tyler takes my hands in his. It’s moments like these that I wish Tyler wasn’t so in tune with my feelings.
“Harp, I hate this rift between you two. I’ll talk to him for you?—”
“No, that is thelastthing I want you to do.”
“He’s still the same guy you were friends with.”
“He’s not. The Felix I used to know—”Cared about me. I don’t speak the words. They’re painful and I don’t want to make myself more vulnerable to Felix than I already am. “Does he… ever talk about me? Actually, don’t answer that.”
Tyler’s answer will hurt, whatever it is. There’s a lump in my throat like I want to cry. I’m getting sucked into Felix’s bullshit again.
I push the tears down and smile. “Hey, I need to freshen up after ballet. I’ll be right back.”
“Harp—”
“Get started on yourdear diaryassignment. I want to know what your big goals are for this year.”
“You make jokes when you’re upset to hide your emotions. You’re doing it now.”
“I’m fine.” I pull my hands away from Tyler’s and exit his room, heading down the hall for the bathroom to splash my face with water.
Once I’m in the solitude of the bathroom, I take a moment to breathe and center myself. Tears threaten to fall down my cheeks, but I refuse to cry over Felix.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out, seeing an incoming call from Mom.
After hitting speakerphone, I place my phone on thesink and splash water on my face. “Hi, Mom. Everything all good?”
“Honey, how was your first day back—” She pauses, her voice taking a concerned turn. “Harper, are you at the Blackwoods’?”
I look down at the phone, panicked to see we’re on video chat. My parents have been clear with me that I’m never to visit the Blackwood residence.
“Um… yes. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be here, but you don’t have anything to worry about. Tyler is the only one home. I didn’t want to wait till the weekend to see him.”
She’s not the kind of woman to raise her voice and instead frowns. I hate that I’ve disappointed her. “I thought you were meeting up with Paul this afternoon?”
Paul Ferguson. My parents try to be subtle, but they’re fixated on the idea of me dating this guy. They’re always raving about how smart he is, with plans to attend MIT next year to study computer science. Not only do they love that he comes from a respectable family with similar values to ours, but he’s the son of my father’s boss on Wall Street. In other words, they think it would be amazing if I marry this guy. Paul and I are friendly. I’ve met him a handful of times at our parents’ work functions, but I have no interest in dating him.
“I rescheduled with Paul for later in the week,” I tell Mom. “I wanted to see Tyler first.”
Her lips press into a worried line. “Make sure you don’t cancel on him again. It’s rude. Come straight home please.”
I nod, telling her I’ll be home in fifteen minutes. It won’t take long to walk, seeing as the Blackwoods live near us on the Upper East Side.
