Page 8 of My Favorite Secret
My final year at the academy just started.Out of all the ballerinas, I’ve landed the principal role in our end of year performance ofSwan Lake. It’s the best thing to have ever happened to me. The most esteemed ballet companies will be in attendance at the performance. The principal ballerina is almost always offered a position with them. I can’t afford to take one day off from training.
“So, Italy. Tell me about it.” Tyler sits against the headboard of his bed and pulls me onto the mattress with him, draping my legs across his lap as he starts massaging my calves.
It’s a habit he formed years ago when I started dancing in pointe shoes, to soothe my muscle cramps. Today, for some reason, I like the feel of his hands on me more than I should. I’m noticing things about him that I shouldn’t, like the way his forearms flex as he works my muscles. His jaw is sharper and his shoulders are wider.
What would this new body of his look like without a shirt on? What would his lips taste like? What sounds would he make during sex?
The tingling returns low, between my thighs. I shouldnotbe thinking about Tyler in this way.
Tyler asked me on a date once when we were sixteen. That was back when I wasn’t allowed to date. I turned him down because I didn’t want to go behind my parents’ back. I also explained that I won’t have time for boys until I’m at least twenty-five and well-established in my ballet career. I can’t afford distractions.
I still stand true to those words, but right now with Tyler, it’s the first time I’ve felt tempted to break my own rules.
I’ve always envisioned he would be the man I marry. Back when we were sixteen, I made him promise me we’ll get married one day, but that for now we’re only friends.I’ve always loved him in some form; I just can’t allow myself to beinlove with him any time soon.
But that doesn’t stop thoughts of us having sex from creeping into my mind right this second.
Truthfully, I think about sex a lot. Far more than I should.
I was curious once and searched for porn on my phone late at night in the secrecy of my bedroom. I felt dirty and disgusting because… I liked it. Even dirtier when my hand slid beneath my panties.
I never watched porn again, ashamed of myself and how incredible it made my orgasm that night.
“Harper?” Tyler prompts. I’m blushing over how smug the sound of his voice is. Oh god, does he know that I’m visualizing the two of us having sex? “I asked about Italy.”
“Amazing food, incredible landscapes and architecture. Lots of dance classes. Time spent in the sun only to burn instead of tan—you know, the constant curse of being a ginger. Mom’s art exhibition was a massive success.” My words rush out in a panic. I’m rambling. Ineverramble. “What did you get up to without me?”
“Boring shit. Hanging with Felix.”
I raise an eyebrow, my focus shifting from sex to the lie I’m sure Tyler is feeding me. I may disapprove of the guy Felix has turned into, butboringis the last word anyone would use to describe their time with him.
“Were you doing weed with Felix?” I ask, hearing frustration seep into my voice.
“Harp, what the fuck? You know I’m not into that shit.”
Felix is nineteen and was supposed to graduate high school last year. He should be in college, trying to make something of his life. Instead, his father is forcing him to repeat senior year since he ditched school every day lastyear to sell drugs, drink, and have sex with who knows how many girls.
Tyler says the only reason Felix is obeying their father’s word and repeating senior year is because the trust fund he was set to receive at eighteen has been withheld due to poor life decisions. Felix and his father made a deal that if he completes high school this year, he’ll receive the trust fund when he turns twenty-one.
Tyler, on the other hand, is smart and respectable and applies himself academically. He’s just received the first installment of his trust fund and is keeping it untouched till later in life. He has a goal to get into an Ivy league college to complete a business degree. He’ll follow in his father’s footsteps, being a big name in hotel development.
“So, how was your first day of school?” I ask, hoping Tyler is being honest about his time with Felix, but wondering if there’s something he’s hiding from me about his summer.
“We got some dumbass assignment to complete. I have to write a letter to myself, listing all the goals I hope to achieve by the end of senior year. We’re supposed to hand the letter in by next week, then it’s returned to us at the end of the school year to see if we achieved our goals.”
“Awww. How cute.”
Tyler pinches my leg as punishment for teasing him. I laugh, pushing him away. Even still, he doesn’t release me from his hold and continues massaging my calves.
“What do you think you’ll write in your letter?” I ask, trying to distract myself from how much I’m enjoying his touch.
“I don’t know. I’ll probably make up a bunch of shit.”
“What do you think Felix will write about?”
“Felix, writing a letter? Yeah, right. He’ll pay someoneto do the assignment for him. I didn’t see him at school today. He was off with—I shouldn’t say.”
More secrets. A sting of jealousy. Tyler and I always tell each other everything. I’ve been gone for one summer, and now things are suddenly different? I don’t like it one bit and this is all Felix’s fault.
