Page 15 of Free Heart
Tears slip down my cheeks and I say, “I wasn’t alone. Lowell Moody helped. Rye was there with Dan up on the wall. People texted. Celli and Rye are taking care of the cats.”
“Of course people wanted to help you.”
“Do you want to know the worst thing, Peggy Jo? He wants to train again. He was asking in the hospital, before they’ve even done surgery to fix his leg, he was asking when he can train.”
“He’s stubborn.”
“I don’t know if I can do this.” My voice cracks. “I love him so much, but if he’s going to just go out and get himself killed for real… how do I live with that?”
“Sweet boy…”
“And you know what else?”
“What?”
“I really miss my mom. I miss my mom so much.”
My tears won’t stop, and Peggy Jo clucks soothing sounds to me. I feel guilty letting go like this because I know Dan is like a son to her, and she has to be scared too, but I can’t keep myself from finally losing my shit entirely. I grab hold of a pillow and cradle it against myself, trying to hold it together.
“I’ll book flights in the morning,” Peggy Jo says after I’ve finally calmed down to just a few hiccupping tears. “I’ll be there. Don’t you worry. I’ll be there, Sejin.”
“No, no, just stay with your grandbaby.”
“But you need—”
“I’ll be okay.” I wipe at my eyes and get myself together. “I think I just needed a good cry. I get that you need to see Dan, but you can talk with him on FaceTime tomorrow after his surgery. That’ll reassure you that he’s still his same old self.”
She hesitates, and I can almost hear her debating it.
“There’s nothing you can do for him, and your daughter needs you. This time with the baby is so precious.”
“It’s true. They don’t stay little for long…” She sighs. “But I don’t want Dan to think I don’t care.”
“He’d never think that.”
“You’ll keep me informed? We’ll talk when he’s not listening so I know the truth?”
“Of course.”
“Alright. So, what do I do? Wait?”
“Yeah. Be with your daughter and wait. I’ll text you after the surgery tomorrow and let you know how it went, and then again when he’s awake.”
“It’s a plan.”
I can tell she’s shaken, and I wish I could hug her. When we get off the phone, I flop back onto the motel bed and stare at theceiling again. I’m grateful that she offered to come for my sake, and for Dan’s, but I don’t want Peggy Jo. I want my mom, but she’s gone for good. And today I almost lost Dan too.
I curl in on myself, clenching the pillow to my chest, and try to sleep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Dan
They say youshouldn’t text when drunk, but the nurses will just hand you your cell phone and let you type away on it while you’re high as fuck on morphine.
So it happens that I’m staring aghast at my text history when the nurses come in to wheel me down to surgery.
In the night, I’d apparently texted Sejin twenty-nine times to tell him he’s beautiful, and I love him more than the sky, and his asshole is the best I’ve ever tasted….which is all true, but even I can tell in the sober light of morning that it’s a bit much.
