Page 14 of Free Heart
I turn my head to gaze out the motel window into the glare of the parking lot lights. I try to summon the energy to stand up and close the curtains, get myself into the shower, and get ready for bed, but instead I just study the light patterns on the window smudges, trying to make sense of Dan, his world, and my place in it. My phone dings, and I nearly jump out of my skin, my nerves are so raw.
The message is a photo of little Amelia Rose, Peggy Jo’s new granddaughter. Peggy Jo’s sent it to the group chat she created with Dan and me. My stomach drops.
Peggy Jo. Ugh.
I’m going to have to tell her about Dan.
The baby’s fat cheeks and wrinkled face resemble a little old man, just like all new babies do, but Peggy Jo looks so happy holding her.
Isn’t she a beauty?the text message reads.
I react with a heart emoji and then type out with shaking fingers:is it too late to call you?
Peggy Jo doesn’t reply. Instead my phone begins to ring.
“Is it about Muggs?” she asks. “Is that cat giving you trouble?”
“Dan fell,” I say quietly. “On the free solo.”
Peggy Jo goes utterly silent, and it takes me too long to realize she thinks he’s dead.
I rush out with, “He’s mostly okay. He landed on a ledge. You know the one he’d decided to downclimb to? The one under the roof of the Heart Formation?”
“He’salive?” she asks like she can’t let herself believe it.
“Yeah. He’s alive. But he’s injured.”
“All, right. I’m on my way,” she says instantly with a motherly authority that brings tears to my eyes. “I need to figure out flights, and—”
“No, Peggy Jo, don’t. He’s not in danger now. It’s a broken leg—a compound break, so it’s kind of gruesome—but it’s not lethal. He’s got some chipped teeth, a facial laceration, contusions, that sort of thing. It’s a miracle there’s nothing life-threatening, so long as his leg doesn’t get infected. He’s going to be okay for the most part. I mean there’s a lot of healing ahead, but what I’m saying is there’s nothing you can do for him. You’re better off staying with your daughter and the baby.”
“For fuck’s sake.”
“He’s alive…” I say again. “Everyone says it’s a miracle.”
Peggy Jo is quiet and then says fiercely, “What you say might be true—”
“It is true.”
“—but I need to see him.”
I get that. I’d needed to see him with my own eyes after the meadow too.
“He looks horrible,” I say, and my voice breaks. “He looks worse than he is.” I bat at the damn tears again. They keep coming, though, and I start to cry for real. “He looksawful, and his leg…his leg is really bad.”
“Oh, baby.”
“Peggy Jo…”
“I know, I know, honey.”
“I was so fucking scared.”
“I know…”
“I had to wait for hours for them to bring him down. I had to drive to Fresno not knowing how bad it was. I know this isn’t about me, but I thought I’d lost him, and it scared me so bad.”
“Sweet Sejin, I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone.”
