Page 84 of His Forgotten Bride
“Youlethim hit you?” Her fingers prodded a little too close to the injury, and he winced.
“He was owed that,” he said, wrapping his fingers around hers. “And I earned it, Claire. In all honesty, I was merely surprised that he did not have the door slammed shut in my face. There’s been a few—fewer that I would expect, actually—that have. But the ones who did not, who were gracious enough to hear me out—I am thankful for them, even if I might acquire a few new bruises before the job is done.”
She swallowed hard, pursing her lips into a firm line. “That’s…noble of you.”
“It’s not,” he said. “I’m merely attempting to make amends. I’ve wronged so many people, Claire. They are owed apologies at the very least—and I won’t have you or Matthew be made to suffer for my actions.”
Her eyes misted over, and she withdrew her hand from his to dash at them. Turning around, she called, “Sukey, never mind the kettle—please go to the icehouse and fetch some ice for his lordship.”
From what sounded like the dining room, Gabriel heard the reply, “Yes, ma’am!”
Claire had busied herself with separating the gingerbread dough into pans. “Tea will be a bit delayed—”
“You’ll take it with Matthew and me,” he said. “In the nursery. And after that, we’ll go to the park. As a family.”
“Matthew has his lessons—”
“Which will keep. It will all keep, Claire. If you’re determined to leave, you’ll want to spend as much time with Matthew as possible.” He caught her wrist as she turned with one of the pans to put it into the oven. “What are you afraid of? That I might shake your determination?”
And when her wrist trembled in his grip, he knew he had hit upon a greater truth than he had expected.
Of course she didn’twantto go—but she was afraid tostay.
∞∞∞
Butwhy? The question haunted him through the day, and the next, and the next. There seemed no safe way to broach the subject with her, no opening gambit he could make which would not result in yet another stalemate.
They had spent what might have been an idyllic few days with Matthew, who had been thrilled to find his lessons cancelled for the foreseeable future, but always there had been that sadness darkening Claire’s eyes. As if she was saying goodbye to their son even then, with every smile, every hug. Every bedtime story and bath, every afternoon tea, every riding lesson—every single moment was punctuated with her grief.
Matthew was going to be devastated when she left. The father he’d known for so short a time would be a poor substitute for the mother he adored.
Claire was going to be devastated when she left. Every spark of happiness had been extinguished from her eyes, as if a part of her had already died.
Hewas going to be devastated when she left. It seemed impossible that he had found her after so many years only to lose her again. Not just impossible—cruel. It simply wasn’t fair. And if she was determined to go, to toss his love aside and leave him and their son, then he deserved at least to know why. He needed to understand why she would subject them all to such misery.
He had hoped that making amends, showing her he could be better than he had been, might have gone some way toward rekindling her love, but it had only seemed to make her more distant. And now he was running out of timeandoptions.
But if she would not talk to him, then he would have to talk to her. To make her understand how very much he wanted her to stay. To hope that she might take pity on him, give him even the smallest grain of hope that one day she might learn to love him again.
Because if she couldn’t, if she could never be happy with him—then this time it would behisturn to sacrifice. He owed her a chance at happiness, even if it meant trading his for hers.
∞∞∞
Claire headed for bed that evening, having once again worked herself into exhaustion. She had made it a habit to pick up whatever needed doing after Matthew had gone to sleep, working until she could be reliably certain that she would drop off to sleep the moment her head hit the pillow.
Only two days remained, and she had no doubt but that they would be the longest of her life. She had tucked so many memories away in her heart already, and she was thankful to Gabriel for arranging for this time with Matthew—but her heart felt as if it had been pushed beyond its endurance. It was a slow, agonizing death, and it felt already too much to bear. But at least she would know that Matthew would be safe, loved. That Gabriel was as whole as she could make him, and that he would find his own happiness.
She reached her bedroom and slipped inside the door, placing the candle in the holder on the nightstand, and began unpinning her hair, collecting the pins in her hand.
Movement across the room caught her eye, and she whirled, a shriek climbing in her chest. She smothered it with her palm before it could escape, and all that remained of it was a dying gasp. Gabriel stood near the window, half-hidden in the shadows. He wore a robe belted at the waist, and his chestnut hair was disheveled, as if he had been running his fingers through it in aggravation.
“Your pardon,” Gabriel said, stepping away from the window to take a seat at the foot of her bed. “Do you know, I recently made a promise—to myself, you understand—that I wouldn’t invade your privacy.”
“Then what are you doing here?” The words emerged a rusty whisper.
“I realized that I have nothing left to lose.” He patted the bed beside him, an invitation to sit. “I think we should talk.”
Her eyes closed, and she drew a steadying breath, feeling the rapid pound of her heart in her chest, hearing the blood rush in her ears. “I can’t. Not tonight. I just—I can’t.” She simply hadn’t the energy left to protect herself, to guard her words or her heart.
