Page 33 of Always? Forever.
He didn’t even turn to look at me while he made the payment with his card, “You always have one large fries and one medium right with a burger and a soda.” he replied so casually like it was a normal thing for him to remember and his tone made me feel like I was being abnormal.
I was dumbfounded. I wasn’t expecting him to remember my order. I had just mentioned it once when we were chatting. Yes, I had written my order on the index cards as well but I didn’t expect him to actually remember it. I kept looking at him wide-eyed. I wasn’t used to this. Suddenly I felt suffocated. I needed some air. Kartik pulled out of the lane after collecting our order.
“Pull over,” I muttered.
“What?” He said distractedly as he was finding a radio station to settle on.
“I said pull over. NOW!” I raised my voice, panicking.
That did it, it startled him without any questions he pulled over in the parking lot of the restaurant. Even before the car stopped I was out of it, trying to breathe while trying not to cry. As I got out of the car, so did he, and he was instantly by my side. He was approaching me like I would break any second and that made me mad.
“Kartik, stop it!” I said weakly. I was probably having an anxiety attack and I tried to calm myself down by taking deep breaths. It wasn’t helping. I wanted to shout. I wanted him to get done by this act. “Samaira, please tell me what can I do?” he asked me gently, which irked me more.
“Why me?” I finally gave up being calm and shouted. I didn’t know if my anxiety was acting up again or if it was because I was feeling all sorts of things. He genuinely seemed confused by my question but didn’t know how to respond. “Why did you choose me?” I screamed
He became more baffled, “Why not you? You are everything I would want Samaira, I don’t understand why you are so confused. Why wouldn’t I pick you, princess.”
“That’s the thing!” I yelled. “You pickedme. No one ever picks me. I didn’t expect it!” I was in tears.
"Nobody?" His eyes carried a tinge of sadness as he enveloped me in a warm embrace. His eyes didn’t have thepity I had gotten so used to seeing when I had ever spoken about this with friends. "I choose you, Samaira. I choose you over every girl I've met or might meet in the future. You're the one I want." His voice exuded a soothing and gentle swing, I was crumpled in his strong arms bright red and sniffling.
"But why me?" I inquired, wiping my nose.
"Why not you?" he responded with confidence. "You're intelligent, you read books, and although you may not go out quite as often as a person like you would, your imagination takes you to places beyond the reach of the real world. And let's not forget, you are really, really pretty.”
"Really? You appreciate me for all that?" I questioned, my self-doubt still lingering. "I thought these were the very reasons no one ever chose me. Well, except for the fact that I thought I wasn’t technically attractive, you know like I know I am pretty but not by society's standards of pretty. But I’m trying, you know. I’m trying. All my life, the guys I have dated or have come across except for a few friends have made me feel like shit for wanting the things I want, I just want to move on from the person I was before.” I say quietly, not sure if he can still hear me or he’s given up too, or somehow I managed to push him away.
Kartik
Her shoulders slump as she finishes her sentence. My heart breaks into a million pieces at that moment knowing there was no way I could have seen this coming but knowing I don’t know what exactly to say to make her tears go away and let her be back to her grumpy self. I would any day take a grumpy Samaira over a teary-eyed Samaira. It didn’t make her look weak, just fragile, that if at that moment I didn’t handle or say the right thing she would break.
“I’m trying my best, doesn’t that matter?” she asks, mainly to herself as she slides down the car sitting on the ground. I carefully walk and sit beside her on the ground not touching her just yet.
“You’re enough, you’re more than enough.” She turns to look at me. At that moment she looked so lost that it broke my heart. I never wanted to see her look this lost.
“You might not feel like it may be right now, but you are enough,” I say firmly leaving no room for argument. There’s no way she wasn’t enough; she was everything a guy could dream of. She was everything a friend would want. She opened her mouth to argue but I gently grabbed her face with both my hands and held her, she instantly melted against me. “You have a beautiful soul, a soul that people would die for,” she scoffed at me trying to pry it out of my hands. I moved my hands down her shoulders and held her tightly, there was no way I was going to continue to let her believe whatever bullshit she had made up about herself in her mind.
“No listen to me, I’m serious Samaira. I trust you more than anything else in my life right now, and that’s saying a lotnot because I am saying it but because I don’t trust easily but you make it so easy to trust you. I started out trying to despise you because I finally had found someone who was willing to put me in my place. You have a soul that people are jealous of, and the people you say made you feel shitty are the very ones who must be jealous of you for being so pure with your love towards people. You make me feel safe, imagine! If you say society standards then shouldn’t it be a guy making a girl feel safe but with us, it’s the other way round, I however do hope you feel safe with me. But imagine you make me feel safe. It’s almost 11 pm and we are sitting on the ground of a drive-thru parking lot of a restaurant, there could be pirates for all I care…” She finally chuckled at that, removing herself from my grip. I was instantly disappointed at the loss of contact. It was quickly replaced by her holding my hand. “Yet you make me feel safe. If you don’t want to talk about it anymore that’s fine, we can just sit here but I couldn’t let you just believe wrong things. I want you to know I’m here for you, anything you need.” I concluded looking into her eyes, still holding her hand. Her eyes were now ridden of tears but they were still glassy with the exception of a few tears falling down her cheeks. “Princess, you’re breaking my heart,” I murmured, wiping those tears.
She sniffled before trying to wipe her nose. I rose halfway and gave her my handkerchief. She looked at it and instantly had a soft smile on her face, while she shook her head and chuckled, wiping her nose. “What?”
I asked. “I have always thought what moment would lead a guy to finally offer me his handkerchief,” She said, blowingher nose. I was amused, I would never be bored by how her brain worked.
We sat there for a while quietly talking about random things on the ground. There was silence for a while before she got up and dragged me with her. I was skeptical about what to say next so I kept quiet and took it as a sign that she wanted to go. I opened the car door for her, “my lady” I said as I gestured to her to get into which she giggled. Finally, a laugh. As I sat on the driver’s side, tucking my seat belt she spoke,
”Pirates, really?” she questioned, rolling her eyes, “Couldn’t you find a better example, Kartik?” I almost felt butterflies the way she said my name and I was awestruck by the fact that she remembered that. I shook my head, “That’s what you remembered from everything I told you?!” I said solemnly, to which she giggled again and I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled out of the restaurant and drove towards my house. There was no way I was leaving her alone tonight.
Chapter 26
Kartik
By the time we reached home, Samaira had dozed off in the car. I parked the car outside my apartment building. The doorman rushed to help me. I waved a no with a smile. It was time to wake her up but she looked so peaceful I didn’t have it in me to wake her up after the night she had. I opened the passenger door, and lifted her, she snuggled into my chest. I smiled. This was a new feeling. I liked it. I passed my keys to the door man who would give them to the valet to park my car as I carried her upstairs. As I reached the door I realised my keys were in my pocket and she was already trying to stir a bit in sleep. If anything she would end up waking up and me carrying her upstairs so she doesn’t wake up will be a waste. It was a waste, she woke up. My smile dropped. It had formed into a pout.
“Hey sleepy head,” I said softly
“Hey,” she responded confusedly as she rubbed her eyes. She looked around before she looked at me and said,“Keys?” I nodded sheepishly and gestured to my pocket. She chuckled sleepily. “Put me down, Kartik.” She said her voice crackled from having just been woken up. I unwillingly put her down pouting. I was surprised when she leaned and placed a peck on my lips. I looked at her with a questioning gaze. She shrugged. She held her hand out for the keys, I retrieved them from my pocket and handed them to her. I watched her open the door to my home. I could get used to this. I could get used to the fact that there was this amazing woman who was mine.
Temporarily. It echoed in the back of my mind and I decided I didn’t like it one bit. There was this sudden ache in my chest wanting to rectify the word temporarily and make it permanent. I wanted to carry her all the times she was sleepy, I wanted to be there for her whenever she would have me, I wanted to give her all the things she wanted, and I wanted her to be a part of everything I had,including your heart?That voice whispered again, slamming me with a realization that I might be falling for this woman who was standing in front of me, inside my home waiting for me to enter. She looked at me concerned. I guess she might have called my name several times waiting for me to either respond or walk inside. But I stood still, how could I move knowing I was falling in love with her and we were in a temporary arrangement of sorts to get married? I walked inside and shut the door. She was still standing there confused and concerned. I walked towards her, I couldn't help but hold her.
