Page 104 of Off Script
When I’m finished, I make myself a plate, pour a glass of champagne, and go into the living room to relax. Feeling brave, I scroll through Netflix and find a non-horror movie to watch while I snack and edit photos.
Depositing my empty plate on the coffee table, I kick off my shoes and curl my legs up on the couch. I feel sated and content for the first time in weeks, so I reward myself with more champagne.
When Harper first mentions Ben by name, it’s late January. My heart jolts and my stomach plummets. I’m doing so much better, but it’s only because I pretend to live in a world in which Ben doesn’t exist. I’m not yet strong enough to acknowledge and accept that we both live in a shared world, but that I no longer have a place in his life.
“Did you seeGravity’sprofile on Ben?” My head jerks up when I hear his name coming from her mouth. Harper watches my reaction intently. “The article said that he got the lead in a new movie, that one you told me about.”
“Losing Love?” I hate that I still remember every detail of our relationship. As much as I want to erase all memories from our time together, I seem to do the opposite. Instead, every detail, every nuance of our time together is tattooed inside my brain never to be forgotten. It blows.
Maybe I should look into getting a lobotomy.I make a mental note to research that.
“That’s the one.”
“Cool. Super happy for him,” I deadpan. “But I already knew that. Becky,” I spit out her name like I would a sip of rancid milk, “told me that when she broke up with me for him.”
Harper cocks her head to one side. “Just testing the waters to see how over him you are.”
“How’d I do? Did I pass?” My voice is monotone as I pick at a hangnail on my thumb to avoid looking at Harper.
Harper winces. “Nope, girl. You still have more healing to do.”
No shit, Sherlock.I’m better, but I’m not anywhere close to being over him.
“Did you know that there’s a new immunotherapy for kids with food allergies? Basically, the child is given tiny dosages of their allergens in slowly increasing increments. Through the treatment of repeated exposure, the child’s immune system becomes desensitized to the allergen. Cool, huh?”
“Umm, yeah, that’s cool,” I agree slowly, as I grapple with the abrupt change in conversation.Do we know someone with a severe food allergy?
“I think you should start exposing yourself to Ben.”
My eyebrows raise in surprise. “Expose myself?” I choke out a sardonic laugh. My weak attempt at deflection doesn’t work.
She rolls her eyes at my juvenile humor. “Read an article about him, watch a snippet of an interview. Unfortunately, given his level of fame, Ben’s not somebody who you can avoid forever, so you need to build up your tolerance and desensitize yourselfto him.”
Outwardly, I scoff at her idea, but inwardly, I mull it over. It’s not a horrible idea, but I’m not sure my heart is mended enough to try it yet. I relent and tell Harper that I’ll think about it.
Since we’re on the topic that I’ve spent more than a month avoiding, I may as well ask the question that's been on my mind. “Hey, Harp. One more thing…”
“Yeah?” Her gaze rises from the magazine she’s reading.
“Are he… are-he-and-Willa-still-together?” My words, when I finally get them out, spill from my lips in a rush. I’m afraid to ask the question and even more afraid to hear the answer.
Did Ben and Willa stick to the original publicity timeline and break up after New Year’s? If so, that would confirm that their relationship really was fake. I hope that they’ve announced their split. However, if they didn’t break up, then it seems safe to assume that they really are dating.
And that Ben lied to me, possibly for the entire duration of our relationship.
“As far as I know, they’re still together.” Scrunching up her nose, Harper smiles sadly because she knows her answer confirms my worst fears. “They were photographed over the Christmas holidays frolicking on a beach in the Bahamas, but I haven't seen much about them since then.”
Damn, that hurts.Ben celebrated Christmas with Willa and took her on the tropical vacation that he’d planned with me.
At least this gives me some semblance of closure.
At least now I know for sure that he dumped me so that he could be with Willa.
And one thing becomes clear. I don't think I ever really knew the real Ben. The Ben I thought I knew never would have treated me this way.
My cobbled together heart trembles and shudders within my chest before splitting wide open again.
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