Page 16 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
Dad rubs a hand over the scruff on his face, something he’s never sported in the past. “How about you get settled, and we can sit down and talk that over in a little bit.”
“Yeah, sure. Lead the way.” I follow Dad down the long sunlit hallway. He directs me through an open doorway into a white room. “You’ve got a bathroom through the second door on the left. Towels and everything you need are in the cabinet.” He motions around the room as he speaks.
The bedspread is white, the floor consists of white tile, contrasting with the wood tile in the hallway. White. White. White. I miss color. I miss Clear Creek. I miss the sunshine of Rae in my life.
Dad starts to leave the room, but halfway through the doorways turns back. “I’ll be down the hall in the kitchen, just head all the way–” he points, “that way, you won’t miss it.”
I drop the duffle bag to the floor and sit on the edge of the bed. My thoughts flit over to Clear Creek. I’m certain Raegan will have a fun, family-filled Thanksgiving. Her mom is an amazing cook, so I’m certain she’ll be eating amazing food all week. I bet Raegan will make all the desserts. She’s a pro because of all the baking she does at the Café.
“Do you miss me like I miss you, Rae?” Does she think of me as often as I think of her? I pull my phone from my jacket pocket. Straight to the photo app. I’m tempted to text her. The desire to call her, hear her voice rises in me, and my chestsqueezes painfully. “God, if you’re still there, how do I fix this? Is it fixable? I miss her. I want what we had back.”I swipe through the photos even though I can pull them all up in my mind anytime I want.
I can’t hide in this plain room, staring at Raegan's pictures, I can’t make her forgive me, I can’t fix us. She didn’t answer when I called after her, and I was too much of a wimp to run after her.
I make my way down the hall, towards where I believe the kitchen is. It’s just as white as the hallway, the entry, and the guest room I’m staying in. I walk around a large island, which surprisingly has black cabinets, but a white quartz countertop.
Dad is seated at a high top table, peering at a laptop through glasses perched on the end of his nose. Some days looking at Dad is like looking in the mirror. But today, Dad is so worn out. So tired. More than he’s ever seemed to be in the past. Is it cancer? Did he invite me to join him because he’s dying? He seems nervous, like he’s got some bad news to give me. I pull out one of the high back bar stools and sit across from him.
Dad closes the laptop, and takes off his glasses. “Do you want anything to drink? I have coffee, Coke, water.” He gets up and opens a gigantic fridge that’s paneled to match the rest of the cabinets. I almost didn’t notice it since it blends in so well. “If I don’t have what you want we can always have it delivered. I know Coke was your thing all through high school.”
“I’ll just do some water, thanks.” I’ve ditched the soda in order to consume less sugar to stay lean and fast on the field.
A callus on my one palm catches on my shorts as I rub my hands over my thighs. This is the man I had idolized as a child. The man who took me to my little league games, taken me golfing a time or two. But thanks to one woman, and well, a six year affair, I feel like I barely know him anymore. Dad returns with a water bottle and sits down with a sigh, steepling his fingers under his chin.
I don’t really want to sit in awkward silence, so I ask the first question that comes to my mind. “So, how’s work?” Dad has been the CEO for one of Atlanta’s biggest companies since I was a kid. As far as I know he’s still in that position.
“It’s the same old. I’ve delegated out various tasks, so I have less to do.”
I nod, taking another sip of my water. “So more time for golf?” The mention of golf, Dad’s favorite sport, finally brings a smile to his face.
“Yeah, there’s definitely been more golf.” His eyes drop to the table, then back up to me. Is it loneliness? Maybe emptiness? Or maybe even remorse that seems to haunt him? “I, uh,” he fiddles with his glasses. “I cut things off with Virginia.”
Water dribbles down my chin. I set my water bottle down, splashing the remaining water straight up and out, all over the table. “Youcut things off?” I blink and swallow. Then I blink and swallow again. I don’t know how to process this. Dad threw us away for Virginia. He hid her for six years then decided he didn’t want us, and that he was happier with her. “Are you happy about it?”
“I wanted to mention it at your graduation. But…” He shakes his head. “Anyway, I couldn’t do it anymore.” Tears appear in Dad’s eyes. I’m completely in left field here. Dad has never cried over anything. Nothing. At least not that I can remember. “I need some fresh air.” He pushes away from the table. “Let’s go outside.” Large sliding doors behind Dad lead out to a patio and a pool. The cool but muggy Atlanta air brushes my skin as we step outside.
How can this man, who ditched his marriage of twenty-two years, and turned his back on his family; suddenly change and decide that his affair wasn’t worth it? “What changed, Dad?” I fall into one of the patio chairs, wrapping my fingers around afresh water bottle. Dad lights a gas fire pit and takes his own seat.
“I found God. Or more like God found me. After a few months without y’all I started to feel lonely. Even when Virginia was right there in the room with me. Something inside of me was empty. And she couldn’t fill it. So I tried alcohol, and ended up with God instead.” I drop my water bottle to the flagstone pavers. Dad chuckles. “I promise I’m done with the shocking news. Hopefully you can finally finish a water bottle.”
I appreciate Dad’s attempt to lighten the moment. But I’m in shock. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that my dad found God. Did he find God like I did? There’s no way it could be similar to my meeting with God. A chance, unintended relationship. A mix of emotions cascade through my mind. I’m happy for my dad, but I’m mad.Well, I guess that’s one answered prayer, God. But what about Raegan and me?I know it’s great, Dad getting saved. The guilt and the shame feel heavier on my shoulders. I should be happier about this.
I open and close my mouth a few times, but no words come out. Finally, “That’s really great Dad. Mom, Izzy, and I started going to church after we got to Clear Creek. God and I found each other too.”But I screwed all that up. I don’t even know if God wants me anymore.“Does Mom know yet?”
“Other than Dave, who introduced me to God, I haven’t really told anyone. I’ve just been doing a lot of Bible reading and getting to know God.”
“I don’t know what to say, Dad. I was...” I lean forward, propping my elbows on my knees, “still am, kinda… Um, mad at you. For everything you put us through.” My nose feels like it’s got cotton stuffed up it, and my throat has a baseball lodged in it. “It’s an answer to prayer. To one of my prayers, anyway. Coach told me to pray for you, even when I was mad.” I shake my head,then stare out over the yard. “I can’t believe God answered that prayer.”
“Only He could do it. Only God could save a wretch like me.” I turn back to Dad and watch as tears stream down his cheeks. “Can you forgive me, Austin? For the poor example that I was? For tearing our family apart to chase earthly treasure that didn’t last?”
Now, I’m crying. Dad never apologizes. Never asks for forgiveness. Through tear filled eyes, I stand and walk around the fire pit to wrap my arms around Dad. We rock back and forth for a few seconds. “I forgive you, Dad. I’m so glad God found you.” I choke out the words into his shoulder.
God, if you can make this much change in my dad, You’ve got to be able to make a change for Raegan and I, right?
“Thank you, Jesus,” Dad murmurs against my head. He pats me on the back a few times before pulling away. Wiping a tear from his eye he says, “So, how did you meet God?”
“Well, Clear Creek is a small town. Turns out my baseball coach is the youth pastor at the church where my graduation party was. And one night we watchedFacing the Giants.And I just realized I needed Christ to be my Savior.”
Dad squeezes me again. “Never thought I’d call myself a Christian, but here we both are.” He tears up again. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see what I needed in life to be the best dad, and man, I can be. I want to fix our relationship, be here for you better than I was before."
