Page 27 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
With slow, plodding steps I head back inside. I don’t want to deal with Becca. But I need my phone back. Together Travis and I thread our way through teens with red solo cups, snack plates, cigarettes, and joints. I shake my head. I wish I hadn’t come. It was nice to see Travis, but all this Becca nonsense… Without a lock on my phone, who knows what she did to it. Oh no, my stomach sinks, I hope she didn’t delete my pictures of Raegan. Catching sight of her across the room I increase my speed.
“Missing something?” Her words are slurred as she cocks a hip and bites her lip. I’m so over this.
“Hand it over.” I use my big brother voice. Beside me Travis stands like a bodyguard, legs splayed, arms locked behind him.
“You can have your dumb old phone. Nothing good on it anyway.” She attempts to roll her eyes, but her whole body tiltsback instead. “Go back to Texas and hang out with your cows.” She guffaws like she just told the world’s most hilarious joke, then slaps my phone down into my outstretched hand. Turning to go, I make a mental note to add a lock on the phone.
“I’m heading out man.” I pat Travis on the shoulder.
“I’ll go too. I’m not interested in the drinks or anything else.”
“Want to come hang out at my dad's? We could play a game or watch a movie. It’ll be fine with my dad.”
“Or we could do some batting practice or something like that.” Travis mimes hitting a ball with a bat.
“That would be a good time. I’m hungry though, so why don’t we grab a bite to eat first.”
“Sure. Sure.” We make our way up to the art lined hall and the loud beat and the smell of pot fall away behind us. “So, is your mom still in Texas? Did you go back there for Christmas?”
“No, I haven’t been back since I was drafted.” I shrug like it’s not a big deal. “Mom’s still there. Dad is single. And both have found God.” I chew on my lip. “I kinda found God too.” I hold my breath, waiting to see how he’ll react.
“Wow. I mean, I know you went to church a few times as a kid. But that’s a shock.” He cocks his head at me, like he wants to ask more about it.
Before he can ask more questions I interject. “Do you want my dad’s address, or do you want to follow me there?”
“I’ll follow you.”
“Sounds good.” I climb into my truck and sit in the quiet cab for a few minutes with my eyes closed.
I swipe open my phone and find a new background of Becca’s face. I delete her photo and replace it with one of Raegan and me. Thankfully, she didn’t delete any. I stare at the picture. Those blue-gray eyes. That smile. And the heart behind that disarming smile. My chest feels tight, and my eyes are fuzzy. No,I’m a grown man. I’m not going to cry over a girl. Someday I’ll find the courage to talk to her. To ask for her forgiveness.
“Wish I was having a New Year's Eve party with you. It’d be a lot more fun.” I whisper into the silence. “I miss you.” I fumble around, finally getting the key into the ignition. “I’m sorry, my Rae of Sunshine.”
Chapter 13
Raegan - The Present
Christmashasalwaysbeenmy favorite holiday. When I was little I would look forward to it all year long. As soon as Christmas was over I was planning the next year’s Christmas. Making lists of presents I wanted, holiday places to visit, new traditions to create. Of course, my parents made sure that our primary focus at Christmas was on Christ’s birth, but that didn’t stop me from dreaming and planning.
We always start Christmas day with a reading of Luke 2. I read it differently this year, as a single pregnant woman.
“How did this passage hit you this year, Raegs?” Dad had asked.
“Well, I guess, I understand how Mary felt. Times have changed, so being an unmarried mom isn’t really looked at the same way.” I stared down at my hands in my lap. I didn’t voice all my thoughts.Mary had an angel involved in the conception of her child, and her fiancé was on board with everything. Well,he hadn’t been at first. He was going to hide her somewhere, treat her like a cast off. But an angel remedied that.
“I think it’s kind of neat that God allowed Christ to even be conceived. He could’ve sent him into the world as a full-grown adult. But He chose a woman, a single woman,” Mom looked right at me as she said it. “To carry the Savior of the world.”
Dad’s eyes shifted over to me. “One thing stood out to… I think that God really values women. He let one raise the Savior. He picked her out specifically. And, He’s given you a special task, Raegan. It’s not the Savior, but it’s a precious gift, and,” tears started to fill his eyes, “I can’t wait to be a part of her journey.”
Mom squeezed me tight and told me she was excited about it as well.
Even now, six days later on New Year's Eve, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m pregnant. Unmarried. Mary was also pregnant and unmarried. She had Joseph, and I have loving parents, a supportive church, a great job, and Ms. Rosa.
The snide little voice in my head whispers to me again.You should be cast off. Hidden away. Little sinner. You disobeyed the God you claim to love so much. Do you really need Him anymore? You could just turn and walk away. What’s the point of not sinning anymore. You’ve gone and sinned the biggest, worst sin ever.There’s some truth to these thoughts. I am a sinner. I have disobeyed God, the God I claim to love. The same God that I made a commitment to.
I know that He forgives. He forgivesotherpeople. Not me. He’s got no reason to forgive me. For Pete’s sake, I had sex outside of marriage. That’s up there with murder, and homosexuality according to some people. It’s one of those bad ones. So, what’s the point in me claiming to be a Christian anymore? If I’ve done one sin, I’ve done them all, right? And even though I’ve been taught the opposite my whole life, eventhough I know the truth, I find myself believing the lies that keep showing up in my thoughts.
My phone, sitting on the nightstand beside me, begins to ring. And to my shock, it’s Austin. Frozen, I stare at it. Should I pick up? What will I even say?“Hey, baby daddy.”Ugh, I break my trance and smack my palm to my forehead. I hate that term,baby daddy.The phone only rings twice, saving me from having to decide whether or not to answer it.
