Page 36 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
“No, Mom. Not yet.” I blow out a breath that flutters the hairs hanging around my face. “It’s just a tiny bit of pressure. Nothing really.”
“We need to get you home.” Mom tries to steer me toward the back room.
“Mom,” I hold up my hands. “Let’s close up the café first and then we’ll get home. Jenn said it could take hours before thisbaby is born. I don’t want to freak out, and make everything stop.”
Mom’s shoulders drop. “Maybe I am getting ahead of myself. I can’t rush the birth of my first grandbaby.” Her eyes light up as she says the word grandbaby.
“Oh, here Mom goes again.” Rob slaps a palm to his face.
Mom chuckles and ruffles his hair. “You know you can’t wait to be Uncle Rob!”
Both twins roll their eyes before heading to a table to work on their homework as we start to close up the café.
An hour later, I flip the opensign to closed, give my neck a quick crack, and prop my hands on my hips.
“It’s only been an hour and a half since the first contraction, and they aren’t even that close together.”
“But, they’re happening. And you’ve been drinking your raspberry leaf tea, and eating your dates, so it could go faster than you think.” Mom holds her hands up, “We’re going straight home, so we can get everything ready. No arguing. I have a feeling that baby is coming faster than you think.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I say and sigh. I really am thankful for my mom’s insistence. I’ve read all the books, watched all the videos; but I don’t really want to give birth unassisted. And the contractions are slowly getting closer together.
Once I’m in the car, I lay my head back and sigh.
The contractions have continued, keeping their pace at ten minutes apart since I got home. I’ve tried to lay down and rest as much as I can. I might have the world's longest labor and need all my strength for it.
At three am, on the morning of my birthday, my contractions really start to pick up. Between one of the every-five-minute contractions I tiptoe to Mom’s room and wake her. I give Jenn a call and we start filling the birthing pool. I can’t believe that this is about to happen. And I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have Austin here, holding my hand.
From one end of the house and back, I walk, timing my contractions as I go. Before the pressure was just at the top of my belly, now… It’s my whole stomach. Like a vice is squeezing me.
As I walk I pray. I beg God to forgive me. To heal things with Austin, if at all possible. I ask for an easy birth. Then I walk back again, asking God if He still cares about me, if He still loves me.
I pray for Baby Bean, I pray that somehow despite my fall from grace that I could be a good mom, and point this baby to Christ. I beg God to allow Austin to someday meet his daughter. And I pray that maybe, just maybe Austin and I could be the couple that we’d meant to be.
I pray for healing, from the guilt and the shame.
I stop my pacing, and at mom’s prompting, check the contraction counter on my phone. Three minutes apart.
“How are you feeling? Of course, you feel awful, your stomach is squeezing, it’s more than anything you’ve ever felt before. Do you need water? Can I get you anything?” Mom rushes over her words.
“I’m fine, Mom.” She grabs my hands and holds them tightly. “Women have done this for ages, and Jenn will be here soon.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” She runs her hands over my hair, her words are still rushed, but not quite as much as they were before. I think she’s more nervous than I am.
At four am, the front door creaks and Jenn steps in. Her eyes sparkle with excitement. “Are you ready to have this baby?”
I nod, frozen against the wall, my hand on my belly as another contraction grips my belly.
In the den my birthing playlist plays quietly. It’s a mix of worship songs and relaxing music. With Jenn here I feel a little more relaxed. So I sit down on the birthing ball, shifting back and forth to help Baby Bean drop further into the birth canal. While I bounce and rock, I shoot off some texts to Jaimie and Chrissy.
Raegan:
It’s time! Baby Bean will be here soon. ON MY BIRTHDAY!
Out of the two, Chrissy might be awake, or have her phone loud enough to wake her. But Jaimie likely won’t see the message until she gets up for the day. My hands hover over Austin’s contact info. What would happen if I send him a text saying “your daughter is about to be born”? Would he care, or would the new girl prevent him from even receiving the text?
My heart and my abdomen squeeze at the same time.Oh, Austin, I wish you were here. I miss you. I love you.I don’t want to sit here and bawl as I prepare to have my daughter. I’m certain I’ll do enough crying once she’s in my arms.
I move around the room, leaning on various pieces of furniture in crazy positions, trying to stay comfortable. I finally ask Jenn for a dilation check. Only six centimeters. I feel like I should be at one hundred centimeters at this point.
