Page 51 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
Free.
Forgiven.
Filled.
Chapter 23
Austin - Present
“Ten.”Ilowerthetwo-hundred-fifty pound bar and weights down to my chest and lift it back up. Barely breaking a sweat. Not struggling to breathe like I had a few months ago.
“Eleven.” I lift the bar again, ignoring the buzz of my phone in my pocket. The buzzing stops. Good, it should go to voicemail.
Nope, it starts buzzing again. With a clatter, I drop the bar down to rest on the rack, earning me scowls from some of the guys in the weight room.
I huff out a breath as I pull my phone from my pocket and step away from the rack.
“Hey, Mom. What’s up?” It must be important if she’s calling again instead of leaving a voicemail.
“Austin. Thomas.” Uh oh. She’s using her mom voice. I haven’t seen her in three weeks, and I haven’t gotten into any trouble with her since I got drafted, so I’m really not sure what I’ve done to make her upset.
“Did I do something wrong?” I walk out the front door of the gym, into the bright afternoon sunshine. Ugh, the heat of the sun makes my sweaty skin itch. “I’m not even living at your house, so I can’t think of anything I might’ve done.”
“Are you aware that Raegan has a child?”
I nearly drop my phone, but grab it before it has the chance to fall to the ground. Raegan has a child? I stumble, reaching out and scraping my hand on the brick exterior of the building as I try to right myself.
“What do you mean, ‘has a child?’” My vision begins to blur. My stomach lurches. I feel like someone just socked me in the gut and I’m going to be sick.
Did she really move on that fast? No, she couldn’t have. She’d been determined to wait for marriage. And it was the fact that we hadn’t waited that had broken us. Well, that and me getting drafted.
So, maybe our mess up hadn’t broken her. Maybe she’d just moved on and decided that if she’d had sex with me, it was okay to have sex with other guys as well.
No, I shake my head at the thought, I know her too well, she wouldn’t do that. I need to get off this train of thought.
I hunch over, grope with one hand, and lower myself to the ground. The baby could be mine… But Raegan would’ve told me, right? We were honest the whole time we dated, why would she hide the fact that she’d gotten pregnant from our one moment of weakness? I place a hand on my chest, over my racing heart. Not that putting my hand over it will slow it down.
“I guess she could be babysitting, but she was at work, mopping the café.” Mom pauses. “I’m sorry, Austin. I know things didn’t turn out the way you wanted.” I don’t have any words that I can even think of to say in response. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. I don’t want to cause you any pain.”After a few seconds Mom continues, “Is there a chance the baby is yours, Austin?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose before rubbing my fingers up and down.
It is.
It is possible. But she would’ve told me. I’m almost certain that she would have told me. We did call each other, but I, at least, gave up easily. I didn’t know what to say to her. She was mad at me for getting drafted, and probably mad at me for having sex with her and not feeling as badly as she did afterward.
So, why hadn’t she told me about the baby? Assuming it’s mine. If I have a child, why did she leave me in the dark about him, or her?
“It’s possible, Mom.” I heave the words out on a sigh. I don’t think Mom will judge me. Even though we both found God after moving to Clear Creek, we never really talked about if or how our values had changed. I know she’s against cheating in marriage, but when I took sex-ed at school in Atlanta she seemed to echo their sentiments that as long as you were practicing safe sex, you were fine.
“I’m not judging you, please don’t think that. But I thought you were both committed to waiting till marriage.” She leaves the sentence hanging, like she isn’t sure if it’s a question or a statement.
“We were, Mom. We were. But we messed up. I messed up. I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve stopped, but we both… we just.” Pain tingles over my scalp as I knot my fingers in my hair and pull. “I can’t even blame it on the moonshine-laced watermelon lemonade we drank… We both just decided not to stop.” I open my eyes, staring across the street, not focused on anything in particular. “It was the night before I left. It only happened once. I haven’t talked about it with anyone... She and I haven’t even talked since that night. There’s just so much shame,Mom. She was mad at me for leaving, and then we messed up and I’m sure she’s mad at me for that too now.”
“Oh, Austin.” Her voice is soothing, and I wouldn’t mind a Mom hug right now. “I wish I could give you a hug. Tell you everything will be okay. Which, it will. Because we have God. But sometimes life hurts. You know that, you’ve seen that in mine and Dad’s lives.”
“I know, Mom. I just wish the guilt and the shame would go away.” I slowly stand, rolling my shoulders and stretching my legs. “And now… Now it hurts more. Because I want to know why she didn’t tell me.”
“I want to know, too. I think–” She pauses, almost as if she isn’t sure if she should go on or not.
