Page 56 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
“What if you just drove over there? Showed up at her house, and just ask if she’s got a child, and if it’s yours?” Jared lifts his chin at me, as he sits with his arms folded on his chest.
I mean… I could, couldn’t I? But am I brave enough? What if she’s with someone else? What if I ruin it, interrupt her peaceful life? Maybe she’s fine without me. Maybe she doesn’t want me anymore.
But I want–no I have to have–the closure. If I’m going to move on, which I don’t want to do, I need answers. I need to shut the door on that part of my life. Seal it away. I could throw away or sell the baseball she’d given me. Delete every picture. Ask my agent to figure out a transfer to Boston, or Toronto, or Seattle. Somewhere far away from Texas. Far away from Raegan. But that’s not what I want to do.
“What would I even say? Do I just ask her, ‘hey, is your kid mine?’” I wave my hands in the air, before slapping them on the table. “I have no clue how to do this.” I drop my head onto the table, and my forehead hits it with a thud.
Josh and Jared each lay a hand on my shoulders. I know they’re praying for me. My relationship with God has gotten better. We’re not as far apart as we used to be. But the closeness that I felt shortly after I gave my life to Christ isn’t back yet. And sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get that feeling again.
“You know we’re praying for you, man. And we’ll do what we need for you.” Jared interjects. “I won’t hold your handwhile you go and talk to her,” he chuckles, “but I’ll be in the background, praying. I’m rooting for you, hoping you can work things out with your girl.”
Your girl.Those words knock around in my brain. She’d been my girl. She’d been my whole world. My light. I’d called her my Rae of Sunshine.
Had I put her above God? Is that where things had gone wrong? I rub my palm against my forehead. I don’t think that’s what I’d done…
But maybe we’d both made each other an idol over God and that’s why we ended up in the mess we were, wellare,in. She’d been so angry once I told her that I’d gotten drafted. We’d both been so emotional that we’d allowed our feelings to take over everything. When, instead, we should have been focusing on God, on how He could still make things work between us.
I can’t blame it on the accidental alcohol. I’m responsible. We’re both responsible, but as the guy, I have to stand up for what’s right.
I look at my friends, “Thanks guys. You don’t know what it means to have y’all to lean on.”
Josh pushes against the table and slowly stands. “I’m sure Rachelle will be more than willing to give you advice. I think she’s a very wise person,” He laughs. “And I’m not just saying that because I'm married to her. You know where else to go for advice too,”–he looks right at me–“go to God in prayer.”
I nod. I’ve dropped it all at God’s feet. But I know the time will come that I really do have to open up to a human. If Raegan and I are going to fix it, or get closure, everything has to be laid on the table.
Wait, does Coach know about the baby? And if he does, why hasn’t he said anything? “I’ve got a phone call to make guys, but I’ll see you all on Thursday.” I gather up my things and head out to my truck.
My head pounds and my palms sweat. I’m so nervous. I tap Coach’s name in my call log and wait as the line rings.
“Austin Thomas!” Coach’s voice is warm and I can tell that he's smiling. “It’s good to hear from you. How are things going for you in the minor leagues?”
I almost don’t want to chit chat. Part of me wants to get straight to the point and ask if he knows about Raegan having a child, and if it’s mine. But I won’t be rude. “It’s been good. I’m in Frisco now, playing for the Silver Spurs.” I honestly can’t remember the last time that I talked to him, so I don’t know how much of my life he knows about. And I don’t do social media, so he’d have to talk to my mom or google me for answers.
“I heard about that. Been following your season. Had plans to come to a game, but Ms. Rosa’s health isn’t the best, so leaving town just hasn’t been an option.” I know she was diagnosed with cancer a while back, but I didn’t know it was getting worse. “Do you think you’ll be making a visit to Clear Creek anytime soon? Maybe in the next day or two?” his voice is hopeful.
As much fun as it would be to have Thanksgiving with Mom and Izzy this year, I’m just not ready to do it yet. “No, I’m still not sure when I’ll be back.” I pause as I try to decide how to word my question. “Coach, do you, um…” I rub the back of my neck. “DoesRaeganhaveababy?” I rush through the question. I hate having to ask. I’m a man, I really should just go there and confront her. But I’m terrified of having my heart broken.
The phone line is silent for a while.
“Well, I’m not really the best person to answer that question, Austin. I think you need to ask her in person.”
So, that means that she does have a baby. And if he’s telling me to talk to her in person, it’s a pretty high chance that it’s my baby. And I don’t know how to process the news. I hang up without another word and lay my head on the steering wheel.
Chapter 26
Austin - The Present
IsitwithJared,Josh, and Josh’s wife, Rachelle around a table covered in Thanksgiving dishes. I even brought my own dish. I picked the iconic green bean casserole, and in my opinion, it turned out perfectly.
The slat-back dining chair groans as I lean back, my stomach full, and my soul mostly content. “Don’t tell my mom, or my grandma, or my dad, but this might just have been the best Thanksgiving meal I’ve ever had.” I pat my stomach, thinking about all the extra workouts I’ll have to do to burn off all the extra calories–and I haven’t even eaten dessert yet.
Jared’s chubby hands stroke his equally chubby middle, a goofy smile lighting his face. “I would say I’ve never eaten this much before… But that would be a lie.”
“Do you think the fact that we made some of the food ourselves made it taste better?” I raise my eyebrows as I ask the question.
Rachelle, wrapped in Josh’s arms, agrees. “Absolutely! There’s nothing like eating food that you made.” She sighs, snuggling closer to Josh. “I remember finally making my first pumpkin pie. Completely forgot the pumpkin pie spice, figuring it was in the puree, but I still deemed it the best pie I’d ever eaten.”
“It was a little bland, but you were so happy.” Josh kisses her cheek and I feel a stroke of jealousy run through me. They’re so in love. They’ve had their share of struggles, with miscarriages and him being on the road for baseball, but they haven’t let it destroy their relationship. I want that for Raegan and me. I just don’t know how to get there.
