Page 67 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
“How does it feel? To finally be back here, to find out you have a child? What’s that done for your relationship with God?”
I rub my hands on my pants. Even though I’ve dug deep spiritually with Josh, I knew Coach would have some questions. “Well, I feel a little blindsided. I wish I’d known sooner. I missed what Raegan is like when she’s pregnant. And I wasn’t there when Grace was born. I wasn’t there to help with the sleepless nights. I didn’t see her first smile.” I stare out the window. Sure, there will be other kids, but I can’t rewind time, can’t get a chance to have those moments with Grace.
Coach nods. “Have you taken all those worries to God? Told Him how you feel?”
I cock an eyebrow. “Sort of…”
“You know He’s got the answers. And you’ve got to bring up those feelings with Raegan. If you’re moving on together, you have to be on the same page. There can’t be secrets.”
He’s right. Raegan and I both have to be completely honest. I have to really tell her how hurt I am that I’ve missed so much of Grace’s life.
“Are you doing a Bible study with anyone?” Coach sets his empty coffee cup down on the table. “If you aren’t…. Could Iinterest you in doing one with me again? It could just be you and me, or we could invite some other guys. It’s all up to you.”
“Well, it’ll be expensive, driving two hours up every weekend, then driving back down to Frisco once the season is in swing.” I tilt my head to the side, thinking it over.
“We could do it over FaceTime, if that’s easier.”
“I’ve been talking to Josh and Jared a lot, two guys on the team. Even when I’m not there, we have our Bible study over FaceTime.” I shrug. Wisdom in a multitude of counselors, right? “It can’t hurt to do two Bible studies.” We both laugh.
Having Coach’s wisdom back in my life will be helpful. Maybe it’ll help in this healing process.
Chapter 32
Austin - The Present
I’vebeenintownfor three solid weeks, but tonight is my first time eating with the whole Carter family. I can feel the sweat beading on the back of my neck and I want to wipe it away and pull on my hair. I settle for just wiping it away and pray that my nerves will calm down. I hop out of Raegan's jeep and unbuckle Grace out from her carseat. She smiles and pats my chest while saying something adorable in Grace-ease as I follow Raegan inside.
The scent of baked bread and a wood fire greet me and a familiar warmth envelops me. Nothing much has changed, the same plants sit outside the front door, and the usual sounds of someone working in the kitchen echo down the hallway, just like in the past.
Raegan and I toe off our boots at the door, and I follow my nose, and Raegan, to the kitchen, Grace still on my hip, her little hands reaching for my ear. Raegan's dad, Matt, stands up fromhis spot at the island where he’s chatting with Raegan's mom who is grating cheese into a pot on the stove top. “How is the professional baseball player doing?” He asks as he comes over and wraps an arm around my shoulders.
“Good, sir. I’m doing good.” I mumble, my cheeks turning red. I didn’t expect a hug. I expected a gruff hello, maybe a handshake, and to be glared at through the whole meal. Even though it was never like that in the past, I have no clue how her dad views me now.
“What did I say about this ‘sir’ business?” He claps my shoulder as a chuckle rumbles from his chest. I remember the day he told me not to call him sir. I’d been just as nervous then as I am now. “Why don’t we have a seat in the den while we wait for dinner to be ready. Raegan, go help your mom.” Matt heads toward the den and I follow him, taking Grace with me as a distraction and a shield.
It’s been a year and a half since I was last here. The sofa is just as lumpy, the same scarred table sits to the one side of the room, a board game already set up on it. Everything is the same, down to the mistletoe hanging in the doorway.
I feel like I’ve aged more than the eighteen months that have passed by. Sometimes I feel certain that if I look in the mirror I’ll see some age lines.
Grace pushes at my chest, “Da, da,” she tells me. I wish it was my name, but I know it just means she wants to be set down. A basket of baby toys sits at the end of the sofa, and she totters straight for it. Plopping down, she grabs a toy and quietly entertains herself.
“I don’t remember what Izzy was like at that age, but I can’t help but feel like Grace is a bit of an angel.” I watch her with a sense of pride and amazement.
“Well, we know that no one is perfect, but she’s pretty dang amazing.”
Grace looks up with a grin. “Da-da.” It’s like she agrees. Matt and I chuckle.
“Take a seat.” Matt instructs as he sinks down onto the well-worn sofa. “So, how’re you feeling, being back in Clear Creek?”
I sit down on the edge of the sofa, before settling back into it. I study Matt, he hasn’t changed much; there might be a few more gray hairs than before, but his brown eyes are just as warm, and I don’t feel like I’m being judged at all. The anxiety roiling in my stomach settles down. The voice in my head tries to bring the guilty feeling back, but I push it away.
I look up and realize that Matt is waiting for me to answer his question. “It’s a little surreal. I–” I pause, wondering how much Raegan has shared, and how much I should divulge. “I wish I hadn’t left things the way they were when I moved back to Atlanta. That Rae and I had done things right, but I wouldn’t trade Grace for anything.”
Grace pulls herself up by my knee, banging her toy and babbling. She gives me her toothy grin, adoration shining in her eyes, and I start to feel more relaxed. Her short dark curls are silky under my fingertips, her skin soft and smooth. I keep my focus on her, not wanting to see Matt’s reaction. I gently stroke her cheek, and she scrunches her nose at me and snorts.
I laugh and she does it again before wobbling over to Matt. “Uhhh.” Matt reaches down and lifts her up, kissing her cheek and setting her on the sofa between us.
“Grace is just like her name. A display of God’s grace.” He leans back, folding his arms. “I won’t lie, Austin. It was rough, watching Raegan hurt.” I swallow and look away. “I won’t chastise you, or make you feel bad. God lets everything happen for a reason. Everything we go through is for His glory, right?”
