Page 73 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
Austin holds up his thumb and forefinger. “Just a tiny bit. But for real, Rae, I think it’s great.” The smile that pushes his cheeks upward deals a feeling of pride through my veins.
“It’s out in Tyler, so I’ll have to drive out there for classes, and my mom will run the café, and…” I hesitate.
“And what, Rae?”
I poke a bubble in the sink, watching as the rainbow in it disappears with the contact of my finger. “I’d have to find childcare for Grace, my mom can’t manage her and the café at the same time.”
“Okay, do you have any leads on who would do that? Are you thinking like a nanny sort of thing, or sticking her in a daycare?”
I unplug the sink, watching my reflection slowly appear as the water drains. He’s taking this better than I thought he would. “You’re fine with that? I’m hoping to find someone from church. At this point I hope that I can maybe do some of the general courses online. It’ll save gas, and whatever money I need to spend for childcare.”
“I’ll help out with the childcare in any way that I can.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”
Austin holds up a hand and stops me. “Raegan Marie, she’s my daughter. And one day,” he becomes intensely serious, “one day you will be my wife. And even though we’re not there yet, I’m helping you out. I’ll support you in any way that I can. And right now that will include helping to pay for Grace’s care while you go to school. You’re going to be amazing, Rae. I have no doubt you’ll be at the top of the class.”
Tears bubble up and I can’t trust my voice. Who knew that your hormones could get crazy when you stop breastfeeding? I’m learning that they somehow do. And some days it makes me feel like I’m going crazy.
“Thank you,” I say, after swallowing the lump of emotion in my throat. “I honestly wasn’t sure how you would take it. I feel like a bit of a bad mom, when I really think about it.”
“Rae, you’re the best mom ever.” His direct look goes deep, like he can see into my heart. “Grace is blessed. You’ve been through a lot, and I know some of it is my fault, but when it comes to being a mom, you’re the best one out there.”
“It’s not your fault.” I shake my head at him.
“Yeah, well, I played a part in it.”
“It’s in the past, and we’re both free from sin’s hold, forgiven of our sins, and filled with the Holy Spirit.”
“Sometimes I don’t feel free, forgiven, and filled.” Austin’s mouth twists downward.
“I know. Me too. But we can’t always trust our feelings. Our feelings are connected to our failing human bodies and based on what we can see and touch. Being free, forgiven, and filled is based on faith. We have to trust God.”
I’m preaching to the choir there. I miss Ms. Rosa and her words of wisdom and encouragement. My mom is wonderful, and full of the same advice, but somehow it was different when it came from Rosa.
“You’re a wise woman, Raegan Carter.”
This man knows how to praise me and make me blush.
“So, what’s going on over there? Going to hit home run number sixteen tonight?”
“If my arm hol–.” His face blanches and his eyes grow wide.
“What do you mean? What’s wrong with your arm?”
Austin grimaces, a look of shame crossing his features.
“Austin Jay Thomas, you tell me right now what is wrong with your arm.” I use the same voice that I use with Grace when she’s about to do something that she knows is wrong.
He stares back at me like a deer in the headlights, and his mouth opens and closes like a fish. I move the phone to where I can see his face as I inventory the spice cabinet.
I stare back, slowly raising my eyebrows. Two can play this game. I’m used to it. I’ve successfully used the mom eye on Grace on several occasions to make her drop an object or step away from something she shouldn’t touch. “Austin?” I try a different approach, softening my voice, but keeping the mom face on.
“Dang it, Rae! You got that mom voice and face down real good.” He scrunches his mouth and nose before laughing. “I’m pretty sure it’s nothing. It’s not a big deal.”
“I am your girlfriend. The mother of your child.” Oh, how I wish I could stand toe to toe with him right now, gaze with fierce intensity into his emerald eyes, and weasel his secrets from his grasp. Okay, that sounds more nefarious than what I would really be doing.
He sighs and tugs at his hair; a sign I’ve come to associate with him being nervous. “My shoulder has been bothering me. Sometimes, when I lift it too high there’s some pain.”
