Page 81 of Tastes Like Watermelon Moonshine
“I think it’s important for you to be near family, to finish your schooling, and work at the café.” He chucks my chin. “Sure, it’ll be a long drive, but I know it’s worth it. The drive won’t be that long, knowing that I’ll be coming home,” his voice deepens, “to you.”
Warmth courses through my body as I tug his hand into my lap. “I’m more than ready to have you come home to me. Just wish it was every night.”
“Some day, Rae, some day.”
I want him to have a long and good career in baseball, but there’s a sheen of jealousy that comes over me at the realization that I have to share my husband with the MLB.
Austin slows the jeep and pulls to a stop at a quaint B&B, located at an old vineyard and horse farm. “Ready,wife?” He asks me, his eyebrows bouncing, as he opens my door and helps me out of the car.
“I’m ready,” I stand on tiptoe and press my lips to his, “Husband.”
Chapter 39
Raegan - The Present
Iwouldsaythatmarried life is bliss… But that would be a lie. It’s hard. It’s so hard. Squeezing everything we have into our tiny apartment over the café? I cover my face with my palms just thinking about it. It’s a cluttered mess. And it’s not even all of our things. We have quite a bit stored in one of my parent’s barns. And speaking of my parents…
They’re helpful. They’re wise and knowledgeable. They watch Grace so Austin and I can go on dates. They’ve supported me while I attend classes for my degree. Mom is always there when I need help with the café, she’s there to help when Austin is on the road with away games. I couldn’t do this without them.
Which is why I’m sitting in their living room crying on the couch. I feel stretched thin, between caring for Grace, the café, schooling, and trying to be a good wife. I’m exhausted. I even took a pregnancy test, but it was negative. Before we got married we both decided that babies are a blessing, so we’re not trying,but we’re not preventing. I even quit tracking everything so that I had less things to worry about. And seeing as how we are still newly weds… well, pregnancy is always a possibility. I was actually disappointed to see thenot pregnantpop up on the screen.
There’s no way I’m ready for another baby. Not right now, but here I sit crying partly because of a negative pregnancy test. And well, because of everything else going on in my life.
They call it theterrible twos? Yeah… Grace is the ringleader of the terrible twos. If an object can be thrown, she’s throwing it. And maybe that’s just because her dad is a baseball player… but every toy we own has been chucked across the living room. And it’s a small living room, which makes things worse. And don’t get me started on potty training. My life is an endless pile of soiled laundry. I finally gave up on potty training just the other day. And of course as soon as I gave up Grace started showing interest in it.Oy vey.
“I’m going to need a new tissue box at the rate you’re going through that one.” Mom chuckles beside me. I pull the snotty, tear-filled tissue from my face and give her some puppy dog eyes.
“Would you prefer I do it Grace style?” I groan. “I could use my sleeve. Then I could use yours. And then maybe a couch pillow or two.” I’ve had to wash snot off my couch cushions. I’m pretty sure there’s some in the living room curtains too.
“We could just find some old bandanas and pin them to her. Maybe that would help. While we’re doing it for her, I could do it for you, too.” Mom winks. She knows how to lighten the mood.
“Am I doing too much?” I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. Eyeing the cracks in the exposed beams. I haven’t told anyone that I’m planning to drop out of school. I would love to have the degree, but I think it’s just too much right now.
“Well, are we talking emotionally or physically?”
Physically, I think I’m fine. Other than constantly wondering if I’m pregnant when I reach day twenty-eight in my cycle. “I guess emotionally.” I look over at Mom, her face is radiant. She never looks tired. But somehow she’s doing everything. Raising twins, being a ranch wife, gardening, helping me at the café, being an amazing grandma. How does she do it all?
“Are you asking because you have specific changes you’re thinking of making, or are you asking because you want help identifying the changes that might help remove some of your burdens?”
“I don’t even know,” I tell her. Should I quit school? Should I quit the caféandschool and move out towards Fort Worth so that we can be a real family? Then what happens if he ends up being traded? Just the other day Josh was traded to Philadelphia and called up. I can’t even imagine what his wife is going through.
“Have you prayed about it? And have you talked it over with Austin? And,” she switches her voice to a whisper, “could you be pregnant?”
My cheeks color. “No, and believe me I checked.” I cover my face and shake my head. I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but I am. Mom is my best friend, and we’ve discussed everything before. I guess it just feels different now. I’m all grown up. I’ve moved out and I’m married.
“Okay, so that’s one question answered. Now, what about the other two? God knows how overwhelmed you are, but have you talked to Him about it?”
I nod, but it’s a small nod. I have prayed about it, as in, I’ve brought it up when I’m overwhelmed. But I haven’t taken the time to just sit down and pour it out to God, and wait for the Holy Spirit to give me some insight.
Mom eyes me like she knows that so far it’s just been popcorn prayers. “I know it’s hard finding the time for prayer, and forBible study, but if we’re not pouring those concerns and fears out to God faithfully why do we expect answers?” She rubs my knee. “Take time, just you and God and talk it over. And talk it over with Austin. You’re a team. You have to be constantly communicating for marriage to work. I was overwhelmed once the twins came along. It was hard. I had you, but I couldn't expect you to watch them, change them, or help with feedings. And Matt was busy with the ranch. It took a lot of prayer, a lot of talking, and a few tears. But I survived! And you will too.”
I give her a hug and rest my head on her shoulder. I’d be lost without her. “Thanks, Mom.” Now that I’m done blubbering I have things to do. “I’ve got tickets for tonight’s game, did y’all want to come?” Austin gets tickets for every game, usually just four seats, but it’s something, and I look forward to going every time. For now Grace just stays in my lap, so I can take up to three people with me.
“Dad and I have some things to do around the ranch, but you can take your brothers. I’m sure they'll help with Grace.”
I do need all the help I can get on the drives to and from Fort Worth. Grace usually does great for the majority of the ride, but it’s a long time in the car seat for her. With her uncles on either side of her she’ll be entertained the entire time.
Robert plops down with a giant bucket of popcorn next to me as we wait for the opening ceremonies to finish. Grace immediately makes a grab for the popcorn, but I stop her. I didn’t learn until recently that kids should wait until they’re close to the age of five to have popcorn. She’s got plenty of otherfoods, but of course she wants what her uncles have. I distract her with one of the many toys we brought and grab a handful of popcorn for myself.
