Page 40 of Wild Heart
Every day he hunts me out in the house like it’s a game. That moment when he strides into the room with his black hat and fitted tee, when he offers me a breathtaking smile - I know, I know exactly what he wants - me. He’s stolen kisses in every room, and we even spent a lost afternoon curled up in bed together after he covered me from head to toe in him. Thankfully Hank didn’t find out, or we’d both be in trouble.
Sitting on the decking outside my home away from home, I realized that I’ve grown up a lot since moving to Heartville. Sawyer’s place is more like a little chunk of heaven than my initial impression.
“It’s time you drove yourself, kid.” Sawyer tosses a key my way. It slices through the air, narrowly missing my hand when I fail to catch it. I’d usually be more concerned about chipping a nail. The revelation of not worrying about something so trivial is… freeing. I’m not in a rush to get them varnished again. Cleaning the ranch and helping Sawyer with chores has my nails shorter than short, and believe it or not, there’s a peachy healthy glow under the nail bed. They don’t look half bad, even if I do say so myself.
His mouth hitches at one corner like he’s cracking a smile. A rare sight for the species of grumpy old man who has softened somewhat over the weeks I’ve been living here. The old man actually has a dry humor. I get him. He kind of gets me, or else he’s just learnt how to be patient with me.
“You’re letting me drive your truck? What if you need to go out?” I pluck the key from the bench where it jangled to rest.
“I mean that truck over there…” His gray wiry brows lift. “The one you thought was scrap, it’s yours now.” He nods to the yard. “She’s had her makeup done.”
I jump off the worn wooden slats, hearing the familiar screech of metal chains from above when the seat swings back. Scanning the junkyard, I quickly set my eyes on a snazzy-looking truck with shiny silver wheel trims and a fresh coat of glossy paint. He’s sprayed the old relic with a dreamy shade of green that reminds me of Hayden’s eyes.
“My favorite color!” I skip over to his side and pull him into a bear hug. Hearing him sigh a little makes my heart pinch. He smells like coffee, oil and papaya shampoo. I told him to use mine as payment for using his bathroom. He laughed it off, but I can smell it now.
A trickle of hurt mixes with my delight. It’s a feeling I’m not sure I know how to deal with. I recognize the signs like a flickering flame. I’m going to miss him. I’m going to miss Star… and I’m going to fall apart without Hayden.
“You did all this for me, didn’t you? All those late nights working together - you were renovating the old thing for me all the while.” I squeeze him tighter.
“I don’t know what you mean. I do up trucks. That’s all.”
“You’re lying.” I smirk, leaning back with a suspicious look.
“Get outta here.” He shirks off my arms, but his fingers linger on my elbow for a fraction longer. “She’s yours, Summer. For as long as you need her.”
How long is that? I mentally count the days I’ve been here. “Not that long then,” I say slowly. “I leave in a few weeks.”
I’d been out with Hayden every night since our first date, and the countdown to going home had started. My mother sent me an email with dates and times for my return flight. I leave Heartville in a few weeks.
My steps are heavy, and I trudge off the step, hitting the dirt with the cowgirl boots Hayden bought me yesterday, when he took me into Heartville village for a coffee.
“You’ve always got a place here,” he mutters. “This will always be your home.”
“Do you mean that?” I glance back at his slow shuffle and hunched back.
“I don’t say shit, if I don’t mean it.” He doesn’t turn to look at me, instead he goes into the house without another word spoken.
The windscreen is crystal clear, like it’s been hand washed and the interior gleams. It’s not perfect, but I’ve since learned that not everything desirable is perfect. My life in Belfast was an empty shell of partying and shopping. I thought it was fun and fulfilling, or so I’d convinced myself. My best friend, Ellie, is the only thing I miss about my old life. We’re like sisters from another mister. If she was here and Hayden wanted me to stay, then… then I’d stay without a second thought. I’m young enough to relocate and start over. It’s not like my parents don’t have the cash to fly out and see me.
Heartville is rough around the edges, and that no longer matters to me. I’ve made more meaningful relationships here, with memories that make my future look so different.
Switching on the radio, I sail out of the yard with an unsettled snippet of fear burrowing in my belly. I drive slowly, soaking up my own company and taking time to think over my next steps.
The best things in my life are right here. Everything I could ever need is in Heartville. I know my family isn’t here, but let’s face it, Mother has her own life, and Father, well, Father will work until they wheel him out of the office in a coffin.
My concern is Hayden. He hasn’t approached the subject of my pending departure, in fact every time I mention the future he goes all distant. I never really knew what my purpose in life truly was. I’m not saying I know what that is now, but Hayden feels like a whispered promise of happiness. The way he kisses my neck and grips my thigh, I give in to the idea of our destiny entwined together - the feeling that he’s meant to be mine.
The whole situation is stressing me out. I chew the inside of my cheek, mulling over my options. I know I can be dramatic, but this time, my craziness is all justified. I can’t stay for a man who isn’t invested in the same way I am. It’s like he’s one foot in and one foot out. I’m scared he thinks I’m just a phase, someone who he knows will be out of his hair in a few weeks. I don’t usually think this way, but how can I go home when I feel like I belong here?
I guess good things just fall apart in the end, and maybe I won’t ever know what it feels like to be with him forever. That thought makes my heart wither.
I shake it off when I reach the ranch. I know he’s inside the house because his big truck is abandoned out front.
“You should just tell her…” Hank speaks frankly, and Hayden looks up, finding me in the doorway.
His eyes are dark and dangerous, and he projects this look on his face like a darkened sky waiting on thunder. “It’s not my decision,” he mutters. “Hey, honey.”
I sidle closer to my man and lift up to kiss his cheek. His head turns, maneuvering his mouth to mine. In that second he steals a quick deep kiss that makes my knees weak. Hank sighs and nods his hatted head my way when Hayden releases me from his spell.
