Page 1 of Perfect Happiness
Chapter 1
Mother was good at making duck feed, and Jiyoo knew exactly how she did it.
First, Mother bought pork.She preferred stuff that still had the bones in it—pig head, pork ribs, hind legs.She got these at the wholesale market.The meat they sold at the supermarket was too expensive.Of course, Mother never used the word “expensive.”It wasn’t polite to talk openly about money.Instead, Mother said it was because the ducks needed strong bones.
Next, Mother prepared the meat.She needed a few tools for this.The first was a cleaver to cut through the bone.Her cleaver had the look and weight of a small axe.She needed both hands to raise it above her head.When cleaving, it was important never to hesitate.“You have to bring it down decisively, with no emotion.”That’s what Mother said.
Her second tool was a boning knife.It was long and sharp, perfect for slicing through meat.Actually, it was so sharp that it made slicing meat off the bone as easy as peeling wrapping paper off a present.Mother also used a carving knife for severing tendon and cartilage.The last of her tools was a sashimi knife, used for making thin strips of meat.Jiyoo wasn’t sure exactly why Mother needed to slice the meat so thin.Weren’t large chunks enough?But Jiyoo never got the chance to ask her.She wasn’t allowed to talk to Mother when she used the sashimi knife—Mother might cut her hand if she lost focus.
Once the meat was prepared, Mother put everything—bones and all—into two large pots to boil.She cooked it until any remaining meat fell cleanly off the bone.The boiled meat then went into a grinder designed for making sausages.Mother needed to be careful not to let her hand get caught in the blades.She said the grinder didn’t know the difference between pork rib and human hand.Everything went into the grinder, even the bones.Mother would mix the fine white powder into the meat, and then she would pack the meat into plastic bags.
The first time Mother made duck feed was one day last spring.That was also the first time she had taken Jiyoo to the cabin in the country.Since then, they had come four more times: once in May, twice in the summer, and once last month.
And every time they stayed at the cabin, Mother would make duck feed.At first, she wasn’t particularly good at handling the knife, but now she was a pro.She cleaved, chopped, and carved with accuracy and speed.And thanks to her teachings, Jiyoo could talk like a butcher.
Jiyoo’s job was to fetch the wheelbarrow from the shed in the front yard when Mother was done cooking.It was the same one Great-Grandmother used many years ago for working in the vegetable garden.Now, they used it for moving duck feed to the reedy wetlands, located on the property just a short walk down the path across from the front gate.Thankfully, Mother was good at pushing the wheelbarrow.
The Half Moon Marsh was no bigger than the YMCA pool where Jiyoo took swimming lessons.It was maintained by two sources of water: one was the stream trickling down from the nearby mountain, and the other was a natural spring located deep beneath the wetlands.Even though the marsh was shallow, Jiyoo wasn’t allowed to play in the water because of the thick mud that lay at the bottom.Nor was she allowed to wander off the trail that circled the marsh.There was a deep gorge just beyond the wetlands, a fall from which would “shatter every bone in her body.”Jiyoo went to see the gorge just once.Behind Mother’s back, of course.
The wetlands were on Mother’s land.Grandma had willed it to her along with the countryside cabin.The Half Moon Marsh was located at the far end of the wetlands, where all sorts of birds gathered.Most of the birds came here during the winter and left again in the spring.The few ducks that stayed never left the marsh.They lived here until they died.To them, the swamp was a “happy duck house,” as Mother liked to call it.
Mallards were the most common duck in the happy duck house.There were a few mandarin ducks, too.The drakes of that species were like beautifully crafted dolls.Mother called the drakes “scoundrels” because they were always cheating on their mates.There were also moorhens, queer little birds that hung around the other ducks for scraps.Even stranger were the loons, who liked to hide in the reeds or underwater.At dusk, the loons would cry out from the wetlands as dense fog settled on its waters.And sometimes, they would cry out from Jiyoo’s dreams.
On the path circling the Half Moon Marsh was the feeding rock, which was wide and flat and steep, like a slide.Mother would push the wheelbarrow up that rock to throw feed to the ducks.She didn’t need to call the ducks.Dumping the feed from the wheelbarrow into the water was enough.The ducks knew exactly what to do.Flying, paddling, diving—they all swarmed to the feed.They loved Mother’s cooking.
Jiyoo’s kindergarten teacher once asked the class a question:
“So, what do ducks like to eat?”she asked.
Everyone raised their hand but Jiyoo.“Worms.”“Slugs.”“Loaches.”They had a lot to say for knowing nothing about ducks.
Jiyoo’s teacher had a peculiar habit of only ever picking on kids who weren’t raising their hand.
“How about you, Jiyoo?”
Jiyoo didn’t like talking in front of the other kids.Her stomach started to grumble whenever that sea of eyes locked onto her.It made her feel like a giant serpent was wriggling beneath her belly button.But Jiyoo didn’t have the courage to stay silent when someone called on her to speak.What she managed to get out of her mouth was closer to a wad of spit than a sensible answer.
“Pork,” Jiyoo said.
The children all giggled.Some slapped their desk as they laughed.A few even called out, “Dummy!”
The teacher asked again, as if to give Jiyoo a second chance.“Perhaps you meant woodlice?”
Jiyoo kept her lips shut.She was furious.Furious for being laughed at even though she gave the right answer.Furious because there was no way she could prove to them that she was right.Furious because her teacher thought she didn’t know the difference between mammals and bugs.Jiyoo told Mother about this.
“They reacted that way because they don’t know,” Mother said.“It’s a well-kept secret of the Half Moon Marsh.”
Aha, it was a secret.Hearing her mother’s explanation, Jiyoo felt her anger withdraw.Suddenly, she understood everything.Indeed, she was smart.And it wasn’t just Jiyoo who thought this.Auntie and Grandma also said so.Jiyoo was especially good with words and finding their hidden meaning.
“And what did Mother say about secrets?”Mother asked, as though she were drilling Jiyoo.
“You can’t tell anyone about them,” Jiyoo answered.
“And?”Mother said, hinting that Jiyoo hadn’t given a full answer.
“And if you tell someone, you get punished.”
Yesterday afternoon Jiyoo came to the countryside cabin in Mother’s car.They came the same way they always came, but this time they didn’t stop at the wholesale market.They did stop, however, to pick up Father off the side of the road.
