Page 76 of Blue Hawaiian
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied. But I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
Anguish welled up inside her, making her stomach churn. “Afraid you’d feel pressured because I was moving back home. I didn’t think you’d want to get involved with me if you knew I’d be living so close by. By telling you I was going back to Chicago, I gave you an easy out.”
Connor pulled open the door to the hotel lobby. “What makes you think I wanted an easy out?”
She followed him but stopped short when they got inside. Bracing herself on an end table, she responded in anger. “Isn’t that what you always want from your hookups? No-strings sex? No romance, no tears, no commitment?”
“You’rethe one who made those rules, not me. And if you thought I was such a dick, then why’d you come after me?” His jaw tightened. “Oh, wait. I know. For the sex. That’s all it was to you, wasn’t it? Just sex.”
“So what if it was? You think I’d let myself fall for you again after the way you ended things last time?”
When he flinched, she knew her words had struck home. He spoke softly, with none of the fury he’d shown earlier. “I thought you trusted me.”
“I wanted to, but…” Tears burned her eyes, but she made no effort to wipe them away. The truth was, she hadn’t opened up to him completely. She was so worried about frightening him off that she put up boundaries.
He let out a harsh breath. “Were you planning on moving back home without telling me? And hoping I wouldn’t find out, even though you’d only be an hour away?”
When he put it that way, she sounded sneaky. Deceitful. But all she’d been doing was protecting her heart.
“I thought it wouldn’t matter because you’d be over me. You wouldn’t want me around. Not when you’re about to start your own winery. After the way I threw myself at you last time, you should be grateful I gave you a guilt-free way to end things.”
Even as she said the words, she cursed herself. All she was doing was pushing him away. By now, the bank of elevators loomed ahead. Her heart rate sped up. In a minute, Connor would go up to his room and she’d lose him. But before she could apologize, he turned on her.
“You’re right. Iamgrateful. You’ve made it so much easier for me to cut you out of my life without a shred of guilt. So, thanks, Jess. The sex was great.”
His words hit her like a gut punch. Before she could reply, he strode off toward the elevator. And she was left alone, in the wake of the devastation she’d wrought.
Chapter 29
Achill ran through Jess, prickling her skin with goose bumps. She couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. All she could do was stand motionless, stung by the cruelty of Connor’s parting remarks. He’d never been this mean before. Deliberately mean, like he wanted to hurt her. To make her experience the same pain he was feeling.
“Jessica?” Her mom came up behind her and took her arm. “We need to talk.”
How much had she heard? “Do we have to?” she asked.
Her mom tightened her grip. “Let’s go have a drink.”
She led Jess through the lobby and into Jolly Roger’s—a noisy, dimly lit bar with a nautical theme. The bartenders and waitstaff all sported some type of pirate gear: bandannas, puffy shirts, pirate hats, and red sashes. Jess shuddered. No matter how much she’d hated her temp jobs, none of them had required her to dress in costume.
Her mom found an empty table tucked into a far corner. “I think we could both use a tropical drink right now. They make a delicious Blue Hawaiian.”
“Just a rum and Coke for me, thanks.” She couldn’t risk getting drunk, or even tipsy. She’d already made enough mistakes.
Her mom ordered the drinks but waited until after they arrived to start asking questions. Jess confessed everything: how she’d been laid off in March, how she’d spent days applying for work, and how she’d taken on low-paying temp jobs just to survive.
When she was done, her mom let out a long sigh, more in sympathy than in exasperation. “I wish you’d told me sooner.”
“Sorry, but I was tired of calling you or Gabi every time I had a crisis. And I didn’t want to admit I failed.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment.”
“You’re not a disappointment.”
“Sure I am. Compared to Gabi, my life is one giant mess.” Jess searched her purse for a Kleenex. When she couldn’t find one, she had to wipe her eyes with a skull-and-crossbones cocktail napkin.Pathetic. “I’ll never be good enough for you.”
“Jessica Elena Chavez, I have never said that. Not once.”
She prickled with irritation. “Then why do you compare me to Gabi every chance you get? You wish I were more like her.”
