Page 68 of The Trade Deadline
The need to perform already had him spread too thin. He needed his career to continue on this trajectory, and a fling with a teammate wouldn’t help. His anxiety wouldn’t help, either, if he thought every shift was the difference between both a place on the team and in Lars’s bed.
By the time he heard the whir of his hotel room lock engaging, he was spent. He could feel a headache coming on. Ryan groaned, inwardly admitting defeat as he got ready for bed. His mind raced so much in the silence, especially knowing only one stupid wall stood between him and Lars, that he had to turn on the TV to drown out his thoughts. With some cliche Hallmark movie in the background, he fell asleep wishing his life were as simple as it was for the characters in the movie, falling in love while trying to save Christmas in a small town.
* * *
The Hallmark channel had been a bad idea, because he dreamed about more and more ridiculous situations where he and Lars were thrown together. He woke up with the distinct impression he’d been a baker and Lars had been a corporate lawyer, and turned off the TV with more annoyance than necessary. And though he felt groggy and physically drained, he’d woken up with a sense of clarity he hadn’t had the night before.
Somewhere in his carousel of small town romance dreams, he’d settled on a plan.
Ryan had known for months about their past and its implications, but still gotten over them; Lars had just found out. He seemed fine with everything, aside from some obvious embarrassment, but it’d been too fast for him to really process it. Ryan wanted to move forward (God, did he) but he needed them to be on the same page.
I want you too
He quickly added a lone “BUT” before Lars’s answering dots could light up the screen. Still, the screen brightened to show he was there, one room away and waiting to see what Ryan said.
I want you too
BUT
I don’t want this to just be some itch you scratch. if we do this, I don’t want it to be a one and done thing where we go back to normal the next day like it never happened
There was a moment after he hit send when he regretted it. It was the moment where he saw Lars had read it but his screen didn’t indicate any signs of an incoming response. Then the little dots appeared and he couldn’t help laughing once he read it.
so is there a minimum number of times I’m signing up for…?
more than once, the rest we can play by ear
unless you’ve gotten terrible at sex over the years
I promise I have only improved
Ryan was inclined to believe that. Not that the sex had been bad, but sloppy handjobs had been all they could manage when they were drunk, and Lars had been further gone than him.
guess I’ll find out
my only other condition: we wait until we’re back in Baltimore
He’d initially typed “home” but didn’t want to presume anything. Or jinx himself.
that’s a week!!! :(((
I know
That was the point. It was one thing to make promises when they had adjoining rooms and were both keyed-up from the other night. Waiting would either allow the tension to grow…or snuff it out. If whatever this was between them was doomed to fail, he’d rather front-load the disappointment. It wasn’t just Lars he was second guessing. He needed the time to be sure he wanted to get into a fling that was this…messy. Complicated. Both.
:((((
but can’t you see how sad that face is
it looks just like my actual face, very sad
I’ll make it up to you
Next week,he thought, but instead typed, “I’ll get you the sugariest protein shake I can find.”
:)(
that’s because I’m still sad but I want the protein shake
