Page 64 of Pages of My Heart
“Don’t look at me, O’Reilly.” Charlie’s voice is hollow and cold, almost unrecognizable. “You shouldn’t be here.”
The words tear into Thomas like shrapnel, the pain momentarily stunning him.
Evie has positioned the partition by the bed—blocking them from both the other patient and the door. Thomas hears the click of her heels as she exits the room, giving them this moment alone. He sits gingerly on the edge of the bed, trying to collect his thoughts, trying to understand why Charlie is acting this way. Where just moments before his heart had slowed nearly to a stop, now it’s racing wildly. He’s never felt fear like this before.
“Charlie. Darling . . . I want to look at you. Please. I’ve dreamt of this moment every day for over a year.”
“Can’t use my left arm,” Charlie grunts out. “Maybe never will. Head’s all fucked up too. I—I’m fuckin’ crazy. No good for anybody.” Charlie’s face contorts, then crumbles. There’s anguish and pain. Shame. And then Charlie begins to cry. His chest heaves with shuddering sobs that break Thomas’s heart.
He takes Charlie’s good hand and presses a kiss to his palm like he’s done countless times before. “Charlie, please look at me,” he whispers. “I don’t care if you can’t use your arm, and I know that you’re not crazy. And I wouldn’t care if you were, anyway.” He squeezes Charlie’s hand tight. “I will always love you.” Leaning forward, he presses his face against Charlie’s cheek. “I’ll take care of you, like you’ve always taken care of me. Please let me. You’re my husband and I need you.”
Thomas pulls back a little, and finally Charlie turns to look at him—reallylook at him. “Oh, Charlie—” His eyes sting and fresh tears well up. “My darling, can I kiss you?”
Charlie hesitates for a moment but then nods, tears flowing down the sides of his face. Thomas connects their lips, trying not to gasp at the joy he feels, their mouths trembling against one another. It’s relief and love and peace and home.
He pulls away sooner than he wants to, checking that they are still alone and safely hidden behind the partition. He then returns his attention to Charlie, wiping away his tears and tenderly stroking his cheek. Charlie touches his face in return, looking at him in wonder, as if not sure that Thomas is real.
Thomas smiles. “You made it Charlie. You’re home.” He can’t help himself and presses another chaste kiss to Charlie’s lips. “Tell me what happened.”
Charlie looks away again, then closes his eyes altogether. When he answers his voice is gruff and clipped. “It’s hard to talkabout. Doctors say I may never get the use of my hand or arm back.”
“Well, we’ll just take it one day at a time. They say you nearly died. Your body just needs time to heal.” Thomas runs a hand over Charlie’s hair, idly wondering how long it will take to grow back to its normal length. “Do you know when you’ll be discharged? I want to get you home.”
Charlie opens his eyes slowly, as if his eyelids are dreadfully heavy. “They said a few days . . . maybe a week. They got some special doctor supposed to come show me exercises I can do to help my arm.”
“Okay. Hopefully it’ll only be a few days. I want to prepare a nice welcome home meal for you. I need to fatten you up! And I can help you with your exercises.” Thomas notices the scar over Charlie’s left eyebrow and a series of them down his right arm but doesn’t say anything.
“Are ya sure?” Charlie asks, averting his eyes once again.
“Of course I’m sure.”
“No, I mean—are ya sure that you still . . . that you still want me? Like this. I’m just gonna be a fuckin’ burden on you.” Thomas watches Charlie fight back more tears and realizes this is far from over.
“Charlie, you’ll never be a burden on me, and I don’t want to hear you say that again.” He leans forward, kissing Charlie on his forehead and following it up with a softer, delicate kiss to his mouth. And then another, encouraging Charlie to part his lips. Finally, Charlie reciprocates, allowing his mouth to open enough for Thomas to capture his bottom lip between his own. His heart races as Charlie breathes, warm and sweet, into his mouth.
“Tom?”
He quickly pulls away at Evie’s voice coming from behind the partition.
“Evie’s here?” Charlie asks, panicking and trying to push Thomas off the bed.
“Darling, it’s okay . . . she knows.” Thomas stands up and steps back from the bed anyway. While Evie has said she accepts them, even supports them, he isn’t sure how she would react if she saw them being so intimate.
“What?” Charlie’s eyes widen.
“It’s okay,” Thomas reassures again. “She doesn’t mind, and she’s promised to keep our secret.”
Evie appears from behind the partition, smiling shyly at Charlie. “It’s true, Charlie. I don’t mind. I’m just glad you two have each other. And your secret is safe with me. Don’t be mad at Tom, okay?”
Charlie’s face is a mix of emotions, but then slowly a tentative smile begins to bloom across his face. “Come closer, sis.”
Thomas steps aside so Evie can sit down on the edge of the bed.
“It’s so good to see you. We all missed you so much. And I can’t wait for you to meet Jonathan.” Evie holds Charlie’s hand.
“You didn’t bring him with you? How’s Ma?”
“I’ll bring Jonathan next time. I didn’t want to overwhelm you. And Ma’s good. She’d be here, but I convinced her to wait a couple of days so I could bring Tom. I knew you’d want to see him the most.” Evie scans her brother’s body. “You’re far too thin. Didn’t they feed you properly?”
