Page 84 of Rivals
The space is peaceful, and I feel the anger due to my lack of control seep away. I know I can’t control Revna. I’m not trying to. I just know this is not good for her. It’s not going to end well. I have this stomach-rolling feeling that it will end with me finding her in bad shape or she snaps, and I don’t mean a fit. I mean, her mind well and truly breaks. I couldn’t bear it. I think I’m already past the point where my future doesn’t already have her in it. Timing has no bearing on what’s between us. It could have taken us ten minutes or twenty years to get here. It won’t change the fact that I can’t live without her. And I don’t particularly give a shit if it makes me codependent. I duck my head and look at the cross.Sorry, Jesus. My bad.
There are a lot of things that I don’t like about myself, but my need for Revna is not one of them. I feel this link to her that physically hurts if I even consider the thought of leaving her. If there were even a possibility of leaving her, I would confirm every fear she’s ever had by letting someone get close to her. I won’t do that to her; I can’t break that bond.
Then, go home to her because she believes she is not worth staying for.
I know I’m not on drugs, but I also know that I heard the voice. I glance at the altar. Could it…ha, no. There’s no way. That’s not a thing. That’s ridiculous. But I haven’t taken anything for months now. There’s no way, right?
I mean, I guess you could think of it that way. Or maybe it’s more than you think it is.
My eyes widen at the altar as my heart jumps. Maybe I fell asleep in the church, and this is a dream.
Either way, get up and go to Revna.
I swallow thickly and nod to myself…or…no…maybe it’s an angel. That seems more likely than…yeah, that’s it. I can take that. It’s like a guardian angel of sorts. I think I need one. We both do.
I get up and go back to the apartment, vowing not to yell and try to listen more. She needs me to listen, and I will be whatever she needs me to be.
***
I hesitate at the door. Do I just rip the bandage off and apologize? Or do I leave her to come to me on her terms? Maybe I should have brought food. That might have made this a little easier on both of us.
Man up, Lachlan. Get in there, get on your knees, and apologize to the woman you love.My heart skips a beat. I just said it in my head, and I know without a doubt I’m ready to say it to her face, too. But I know she’s still not ready to hear it. I have to wait. But I sure as hell can show her.
I push the door open, but I don’t see Revna anywhere. I walk around the corner and notice the bathroom door closed. I kick off my shoes and sit on the bed while I wait. I wait and wait and wait.
The shower still hasn’t shut off, and I can’t take it anymore. I push through the unlocked door to find her standing in the shower, arms wrapped around herself, while her shoulders shake with her sobs. I don’t think she realizes I’m here, so I gently step forward, hoping she catches my movement.
She still doesn’t move because her eyes are shut so tightly. I tap my knuckles gently on the glass, and she jumps. Her red-rimmed eyes lock with my own, like a knife to my chest. “You’re back,” she says.
“I never should have left.”
Then she flips a switch, her sadness turns to anger, and I know I deserve every bit of her ire. She turns the water off and opens the door. I grab a towel and hold it out for her. She angrily takes it and wraps it around her body. I reach out to touch her, but she bats my hand away.
“You do not get to touch me right now,” she says and storms out of the bathroom. I follow behind as she yanks a drawer open. She finds a shirt and drops her towel, pulling it over her head. She spins around, her wet hair spraying into my face, and I swipe the water off.
“I’m sor—“
“Save it,” she says, holding up her hand. She goes back into the bathroom, and I follow her like a lost puppy. I watch her brush her hair out, then throw it up on her head, facing me. “You didexactlywhat you said you wouldn’t do. You left. What was I supposed to think? How am I supposed to take that?!“ she yells.
She stomps back into the main space and starts pacing. “You were mad because I told you no about the sculpture. You—“
“That’s not fair, and you know it. The drugs have to stop. Don’t you see how it’s coming between us?” So much for the calm approach.
“No! What’s not fair is that I’ve been trying to do what you asked. I moved in, worked more shifts, and saved all this extra money so we can go to Italy. I don’t know how else to deal with everything. Pick something, Lachlan, because you can’t have it all.”
I take a step toward her and grab her hips. She shakes herself a little in a sad attempt to pull away. “I pick you, Revna.”
She looks up at me with teary eyes. “Then why did you leave? If you want to fight, then fight me. Don’tleave.“ She pushes against me, but I don’t budge. She slaps my chest a few times, and I let her because I deserve it.
“I should have never left, baby. I needed to calm down, so I walked away. I’m sorry it felt like I was leaving you. That wasn’t my intention. If I need to walk it off, I will tell you next time.”
She pins her lips between her teeth and looks at her feet. “Maybe there shouldn’t be a next time.”
I guffaw. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means maybe we just need to stay partners. We’ll get through the competition and then go our separate ways. Look at us, Lachlan! Look at how we fight! It’s not…healthy.”
A razor blade starts slicing at my lungs, and I can feel my blood pooling around my feet. She’s going to kill me. Then it hits me.
