Page 107 of Rivals
We spent the rest of the day walking around Milan. I realize I haven’t been thinking about our project. We have roughly two weeks to start and finish it. I’ve been focused on what’s around me. I know time is running short, and ideas need to start coming.
Lachlan and I walk back to the hostel, and I hesitate to ask because it feels like it will ruin the mood, but I know we need to figure it out. “I feel like a broken record. Have you come up with any ideas?” I ask, swallowing thickly.
He sighs as we approach the building. “Honestly, I’m not sure, sort of…maybe. It hasn’t quite come to me, but I can feel it there.” An idea of what we could do to help with that pops into my head, but I know it would be a no from him. It would also be a bit dangerous because it’s not like I have a trusted dealer here. Yes, that’s an oxymoron.
We walk through the hostel’s communal space. It has a three floors; the first is all women, the second is for rooms, and the third is for all men. There are communal bathrooms on each floor, which I wasn’t too keen on, but it’s a hostel. Expectations can’t exactly be high.
We climb the stairs to our floor, and Lachlan fishes the keys to our tiny room from his pocket. “We will figure it out. We always do,” he says, pushing the door for me to go first.
He locks it behind him and shucks his shirt and shoes off. I rummage around in our suitcase for a clean t-shirt and shorts, since we will have to go to the bathrooms down the hall. I leave my PJs on the bed and grab my little toiletry bag. Lachlan is standing off to the side, frowning at his phone. I want to ask what’s bothering him, but I don’t want him to get mad again. He wears his feelings like a shirt sometimes. I can see his anger clear as day, but that doesn’t mean I understand why he’s angry. “I’m going to go get ready for bed.”
“I’ll come with you,” he says, grabbing a toothbrush and slipping his feet back into his boots.
“You can stay here, babe, don’t worry about it.” He shakes his head.
“Nope, I’ll just wait till you’re done.” I shrug, secretly loving the fact he wants to be my protector. I love that he’s concerned about my well-being the way he is.
He follows behind me like a bodyguard to the women’s bathroom. When I finish, I find him leaning against the wall, waiting for me. “Ready?” I nod, and we walk back to our room together. I crawl into bed, and Lachlan changes into shorts, then flips the light off.
The full-size bed is small compared to what we’ve been sleeping in, so it feels like he’s right on me. I kind of like it. Score one for a smaller bed. He wraps his arm around my middle and pulls me into his chest.
“My dad told me he wants to see me when we get back to New York.” My eyes spring open, and I put my hand on Lachlan’s. He doesn’t like his father, and I don’t blame him.
“What do you want to do?” He sighs and presses a long kiss on my neck. His lips linger there, and I put my hand on his.
“I don’t want to do anything, but…if it means I can see my family, then…” His words trail off.
“You should go so that you can see them. I’m sure they know you love them,” I say in the dark.
He sighs. “Yeah, maybe. I’m just afraid it’s about something else,” he says.
I look at him over my shoulder, even though it’s useless. It’s not like I can see him. The light coming from the bottom of the door is the only source of light, and it barely outlines his face. “What could it be?” I ask quietly. He shrugs against me.
“I don’t know, but my dad always wants something. When he doesn’t get his way, I pay for it somehow.” A pang of jealousy rolls through my body. He’s lucky he has a family. Even if his father wants nothing to do with him, I’m sure his mom and sisters would love to see him. I don’t know if I have siblings. I don’t know who my father is. I want to tell him to go because it wouldn’t just be for them but for him, too. I know he misses them. I would, too.
“It will be ok,” I say, reaching for his mouth. I don’t need light to find him. My body just knows his. He kisses me deeply and relaxes against me, and we lay there for a bit.
“I hope so,” he says so quietly I barely register it before sleep pulls me under.
Chapter 64
Revna
We’vebeenbackinRome for less than twenty-four hours, and I am so overwhelmed my brain won’t shut off. It feels like Lachlan has been sitting on my chest for the past few days. I need it to stop.I need to make it stop.I just need a break. That’s it. Florence and Milan were amazing, but I will lose it, and I don’t know how to keep that from happening except with one thing.
My body craves that numbness. The feeling of floating and the world wraps around you like a warm blanket where nothing else matters, and everything is ok because you’re not in pain. You’re not constantly thinking about how you have had nobody, but now you have somebody, and you’re afraid you’ll mess it up. So you’re constantly checking yourself, not sure what to do. Eventually, you’re going to explode, and you have no idea what the shrapnel of your soul will hit.
I take a deep breath and shake my hands out. I can sense that Lachlan knows something is wrong. We are getting better at communicating, and I do trust him. Despite that, it’s embarrassing to admit that I need help he can’t give me. I am practically vibrating with anxiety that won’t stop swirling. I need it to stop.
“Baby, talk to me. What’s wrong?” I glance at him and pace back towards the kitchen. We finally started trying to do our project, but I’m struggling to concentrate. I’m not sure we will finish it in time, but I also need to get out of here.
I glance at him again. The frown on his face makes me frown, and I feel bad about it but can’t help it. I turn around to pace the other way. Lachlan grabs my wrist, forcing me to stop pacing, and I look up at him. His hand slides behind my neck and holds me immobile. “What?” I say, trying to wiggle out of his grip.
“Why are you acting like a crack addict who needs her next high?” he asks. I look away, and the sigh that comes from him tells me he knows exactly what I need. “I have an idea. It’s only ten, let’s find a nightclub. That could be fun, right? Get some energy out?”
At this point, I will try anything to chill out. I want to numb it, but I don’t have that option right now. “Yeah, ok.”
We change, which isn’t saying much. I put on some skinny, ripped-up black jeans and a cropped t-shirt. Lachlan is in his dark-wash jeans, boots, and a black shirt. It’s nothing new or special for us. He takes my hand, and we go out into the Italian night.
