Page 131 of Fighting For Light
He turns from the window and lays his amber eyes on me.
“I’d miss you, too, so much so it would be distracting. But I want to be sure that it’s the best thing for Theo, too. I was reading about stability for a newborn, and one of those things is not moving every two to three days.”
I sigh, tucking my lips behind my teeth, knowing he’s right. But on the other hand, Kai being gone for months on end, flying or driving home for a few days, then leaving again, won’t work, either. I’d rather we all be together.
“You could always stay with Mom when I’m gone,” he suggests.
“Do you…not want us with you? I guess I could tell them to find another photographer.” I tell him, suddenly nervous because I’m getting mixed signals.
“Are you kidding me? I want you with me all the time, just like it is now. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to follow me. I don’t want you to feel chained to me because of everything that’s happened.”
“I don’t. You know…I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”
He scoffs and reaches over the table for my hand. “That is certainly not true, but I’m glad I could be there so you didn’t have to. I’m a better man because of you and that little guy,” he says, pointing at Theo.
“So that settles it. We’re coming with you. Hell or high water, this family is not splitting up.”
Kai’s face breaks into a wide, blinding smile, and it makes my heart do backflips.
“You make me so damn happy it makes my stomach hurt.”
I laugh and glance at Theo. “I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.”
“It’s a good thing, Cordi. It’s so good I can’t hardly believe my eyes when I look at you every day when I wake up.”
“Is it bad that it feels too good to be true? I know we’ve had some ups and downs, but it’s felt so…easy.”
He chuckles again. “If you think what we’ve been through in the past nine months was easy, then I can’t wait to walk into the inevitable fire with you,” he says.
“I don’t mean it like that. What I’m trying to say is that I will do whatever it takes to keep us together, even if that means getting burned.”
“You’ve already done everything, Cordi. Look at what we earned from it.” He points to Theo, and I stare at him again. He does this funny thing in his sleep, where he lifts one eyebrow up and down like he’s giving someone an attitude in his dreams.
“He’s been worth all of it,” I say quietly.
“He always will be, and so will you. It might be a little reckless, but that’s what makes us so good together. I think we’ve figured out more in six months of marriage than most people in ten years. I’m not worried about whatever difficult thing comes next. I know we can handle it because we’re us.”
“You are very confident about a very unknown future.”
He tilts his head and stares at me for so long that I feel my face get warm. “I don’t need to know the future to be confident that it will all be made right. I’m confident in what we have. I used to be afraid of the things I couldn’t control because it meant risking you and him. I was nervous about what my father would do or the wedge he would inevitably try to drive further into our family. But the joke is on him. Instead of pushing us apart, it’s only brought all of us closer. “
“I try not to think about him too often,” I mutter.
Kai lets go of my hand and shoves a fork into his cold pasta. “Good, don’t bother. He’s not worth it,” he says and takes another bite.
Theo’s still asleep. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone as much as I love this little boy. It’s hard to nail down a word for the feeling that you would do literally anything for this person. Love is the definition, but it still feels like it’s not wide enough to encompass the emotion and the action.
“I don’t want to wake him up, but we need to give him a bath,” I whisper.
Kai shovels his last bite of the mountain of noodles into his mouth. “I’ll get him.”
“Okay, I’ll make us dessert while you’re doing that.”
He moans. “You truly know the way to a man’s heart. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
I shoot him a look, and he winks, taking another bite. Heat flutters in my stomach and sinks into my core. The doctor did say to wait about six weeks to be on the safe side, and it’s been eight.
Kai looks up from his plate and chews slower. His eyebrow ticks up, and his eyes burn my skin like a warm caress as the flame licks out at you. Heat floods my face, and I take another bite of my Alfredo, trying to chew despite my thundering heart.
