Page 5 of Fighting For Light
I grin and squeeze her one more time. “That sounds like a really good plan, Cordi.”
We stand there for a while until Mom comes to pick me up.
I don’t think I’m capable of loving anyone the way I love Cordelia Quinn.
***
That’s exactly what she does now. She takes pictures of me doingtsunamisand all kinds of other tricks on my bike. I’m glad she could make her dream come true and be a photographer, and she’s gotten to be pretty good.
“Come on, Kai! You have got to throw your weight harder, or that bike will come down on you! You know this!” Coach Reece scolds, shaking me out of my thoughts about Cordi. After I took a nap, coach banged on the door and told me to get up and get back to work. Practicing was the best way to get my mind off what feels like the weight of the world.
Motocross and freestyle isn’t for the faint of heart, but something about it always appealed to this desire to seek the thrill of going as high and as far as physically possible. Timidness was beaten out of us by our father, but Mom still somehow managed to nurture what little was left in us. Being raised by an abusive father affected my brothers and me in different ways, but one common link remains. We crave the fear, the adrenaline, the possibility of being able to push too far and then seeing if it was far enough. I like to do handstands backward on a dirt bike twenty feet up in the air. Liam likes to free-climbEl Capitan. Emerson likes to fight with his fists until someone’s either knocked out or killed. As we got older, Mom was worried about how isolated we were, so she encouraged us to try sports. I don’t think she intended for us to become professionals, but it all fell into place.
I’m on the Outlaw Racing International motocross team with three other men. We don’t just race each other in the dirt but also go full throttle up a curved ramp, throwing our weight to flip upside down. With only our hands on the handlebars, our legs fly behind the bike, having only seconds to get back into position before landing. Wearedaredevils. For me, seeking the adrenaline rush helps. It’s me and my bike. Nothing and no one else matters. I fly so high that I might just touch the sky, and thatbecomes my only goal in life. The burden of my last name lifts away, and I feel so light I might sprout wings.
“Got it,” I shout to Reece. He nods sternly, and I hit the throttle to go again.
The buzzing of the engine soothes my aching heart for a brief moment, and I don’t want it to stop. After veering to the right onto one of our travel ramps, I lift my body and throw my weight backward, and the bright blue sky becomes the only thing I see. I close my eyes for a second.In and out. Breathe.
My eyes spring open, and at the last second, I hold on to my handlebars as my tires touch the dirt before my next breath. I lose momentum and ride over a hill before skidding to a stop. Dirt kicks up around me, and my heart is pounding so hard all I can hear is blood rushing through my ears.
“I didn’t realize we were also practicing stunts, but that was a good—rock solid.You need to lift your legs a bit more before you let go, though. Otherwise, you would have lost points,“ Reece says.
I pull my helmet off my head. The hot Arizona sun almost dries my sweaty head instantly. I glance over his shoulder at Cordelia, who is lying out on a sun chair under an umbrella, typing away on her computer. Her bright blue swimsuit reminds me of the blues and greens of the ocean. Her eyes do, too. They are the most beautiful ocean-blue eyes I have ever seen.
“Got it, coach.”
Coach Reece grunts and walks back towards his trailer. I stare at Cordelia for a little longer before doing a few more laps. Sweat soaks my shirt, and my feet are swimming in puddles in my boots by the time I’m done.
When I get off my bike, it feels like I’m still riding it, almost like getting your sea legs back. I rip off my shirt, trying to cool off and squeeze my water bottle into my mouth. I’m going to need another gallon so I don’t get dehydrated.
Cordelia is still in her chair, typing away, but she’s now wearing a big floppy hat to shade more of her tan skin from the sun.
“Hey,” I grunt in passing on my way to my trailer. I’m not in the mood to pretend I’m okay right now. The competition is tomorrow, and it’s time for rest.
“Really? That’s all I get?” she asks.
My feet halt, and my heart pounds in my chest. Did I mention Cordelia is like an adrenaline rush? I feel all the good things you should feel with someone when I’m around her.
“Sorry, Cordi, what are you up to?”
She snaps her laptop closed on her crossed legs and drops her sunglasses down her nose. Her eyes skate over my chest and down my torso to where my off-road pants hang off my hips. I stand still, letting her get her fill while I stare at her figure leaning against the chair. It’s this game we play called Look But Don’t Touch.
“Just working, daredevil. Where did you disappear to for a few days? I came to your trailer to see if you wanted to go out for a drink, but your bike was gone.”
I shrug and wipe the sweat off my chest with my shirt. “I had to go out for a bit…” I trail off.
She frowns, pursing her lips. I hate when she does that to me.
“Go out for a bit,” she repeats, pissed about something.
I squeeze water from my bottle into my mouth again, then brush the dribble off my mouth. “Yep,” I say and start walking towards my trailer.
“That was a good jump, by the way, but you should lift your legs a little quicker so your timing is better.”
“Thanks,coach,“ I say and throw in a wink.
Her cheeks turn pink, and she pushes her sunglasses back up her nose.
