Page 30 of Dirty Roulette
“And the lie detector test says...” Ryder mimics Maury. Someone shoot me, please. Make him shut up for one second so I can process what happened.
“Fine...” I slap my waist with my hands. “You wanna know? I got the video he took.”
Ryder shudders his locker open and pulls a white shirt over his head. “And...”
“I’m naked and stupid, and I did that thing on your leg... and... I’m mortified, okay! I’ve never acted so... so... disgusting in my entire life,” I say and shove my feelings about him into that imaginary box where it belongs.
“I don’t think that,” he says with a smile lifting up on one side. “I kinda enjoyed it.”
I flush from hot to cold with the remark. “Great, so you’re just like every other guy!”
“Did you like it?” he asks, his head tilted with lips pressed together.
No... Okay, maybe... Scratch that. I haven’t been able to wipe my memory clean of him. There isn’t a virus that can overthrow the motherboard of my brain. I did like kissing him. I liked his callused hands on my hips, in my hair and touching my... good lord, I think my face turned red and he’s waiting for a response. “Umm...”
Ryder chuckles.“You know you got some real balls?” He changes the subject. “It’s not every day a girl comes storming into the locker room to punch the sleaze of GCU.”
“And?” I raise my eyebrow, feeling my eyes dry up. Now I’m left with the uncomfortable sensation of my skin tightening around the stains of my tears.
“He gets away with everything and that’ll never change. His dad owns this campus.” Each word from his lips digs into my heart like razor-sharp thorns. I feel guilty for even attempting to stand up for myself.
“So it doesn’t matter. Now what? I get expelled?” A horrifying image of the dean manifests. Screaming, spitting at me, and my mother dragging me off campus grounds.
This is worse than when my pants ripped down the center of my ass. I showed off hot pink granny underwear for hours until Ryder wrapped a hoodie around my waist. What’s more deflating, is that I can’t lean on Charlie without her making me feel crummier about myself by exposing I french kissed her brother, tongue and all.
“Hey, stop, don’t cry.” Ryder grasps onto one of my shoulders, rubbing them with rough thumbs. I glance up, the urge to kiss him makes my mouth water, and my entire body burns. “I doubt it, and if he’s gonna snitch, he would’ve told Coach.”
I suck in a deep breath. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. It’s going to be okay.”
Ryder pulls a black shirt and basketball shorts from his locker. “They’re clean, I promise.” He tosses them to me, and I notice the red swelling on my knuckles and bits of dried blood. Each beat of my heart makes the exposed skin throb.
“Thanks.” I slump down to the wooden bench and wriggle the soaked shirt over my head. It tumbles to the floor with a plop.
I feel Ryder’s eyes on me. When I meet his line of vision he swallows, running a hand over his face and turns his head away. “You’re gorgeous.” He drops the bomb and my heart quits working. He runs a hand through his dark hair, “Sorry... I shouldn’t have said anything,” he says.
Chapter ten
Ryder
Stop talking.
I’m gone, and I mean I’ve-lost-my-mind kinda gone. The party wasn’t originally how I imagined seeing Payton naked for the first time; or seeing her naked at all, for that matter. The thought never crossed my mind, not even when she grew tits.
Okay, that’s a lie.
I wasted time and energy debating her nipple color once in high school. Now that question finally has an answer, and I was right – they’re perky and pink. Her breasts aren’t too big either, just the perfect size for me to cup a handful.
See, there it is again. I’m losing my mind over her.
I spent all day yesterday debating the best Trojan condom to use. I imagined what her laugh would sound like when I shimmy her out of those black booty shorts she wears. There wasn’t a way to stop thinking about how soft and unholy her skin would feel underneath me. Then running my hands through her dark hair that’s like silk.
A girl hasn’t been in my bed for months. It’s me and my hand in the shower, and I thought I was fine with it. Then that bottle stopped, pointing like a barrel of a gun directly at me. I swear, God planned it to humor me. Now all I can think about is her.
I’m imprisoned in whatever feeling I randomly have for Payton at this second. She’s like a second sister and in the pit of my stomach I don’t think I should like her any more than just that, but I do.
I lean against the locker, folding my arms while I stare at the clumps of dead bugs in the light coverings. I’m trying my damn hardest not to watch Payton get undressed, but I fail. One tiny peak and my heart is hammering. I can’t break my gaze off Payton's milky skin as she weasels into my black Rolling Stones shirt. My mouth dries as her wet jeans plop to the tile floor.
